Dear Nellie,

There are separate hot and cold knobs in my shower and I always have to think "Inside Out" which means "Turn them toward the INSIDE to get OUT of the shower." If I don't, I sometimes end up turning off one but not the other and scalding myself.

Best,

The Man with a Mustache

Dear Nellie Bly,

I feel like I have a ton of everyday mnemonics, but I can only think of three right now:

• Right Light = the right switch by the sink is for the light, the left switch is for the garbage disposal
• Billy Bob Wants a Dog, Nobody Owens Prefers T-Rexes = first letters of what needs to go in the diaper bag before heading out
• If the subject is repeated, a comma is needed. = to remember to use a comma between two independent clauses

-Owlet

Dear Nellie ~

There is a saying, "Less is more."

As a kid, I could never remember what side of the plate the fork was supposed to be on. I knew the fork was alone and the knife and spoon went together. Once, while setting, I asked my mom, and she said the fork was on the left. Trying to figure out a way to remember it, that phrase popped into my head, and I was going to remember left is more, but then that didn't work, because there were fewer utensils on the left. So I creatively decided, "Left is not always more." 

I still think that every time I set a table.

~ Dragon Lady

Dear N,

Disney World is in the New World "discovered" by Columbus. Disney Land is in the land we took from Mexico. I could honestly never remember which was which until I realized this.

-yayfulness

Dear necromancer,

When I lived in Australia I used the "left hand rule" to figure out which way cars were coming from when crossing the street. Then when got back to the states I had to use the right hand rule to figure it out. Still do, in fact.

-El-ahrairah

Hi Kodak,

One of my closest friends has an great embroidery side hustle, but it's mostly not Board appropriate. I have four of her creations hanging in my room. Here's two of them, but if you click to through that post to her full page, be warned there are swears and representations of the human body.

Another friend of mine, Livio Ramondelli, is currently working as a comic artist for "Transformers" for IDW, but he does a ton of other stuff too. His website bio says this:

Credits include “Transformers” for IDW Publishing (Among many projects, “The Autocracy Trilogy” with Chris Metzen and Flint Dille), “Darkness Visible” with Mike Carey and Arvind Ethan David, “Hidden Universe: Star Trek -Guide to Vulcan” and “Guide to the Klingon Empire” for Insight Editions, “BattleStar Galactica” for Dynamite, “Pacific Rim” for Legendary Comics and the cover art for “The Transformers: The Animated Movie” Blu-Ray.

He does a ton by commission, but his Star Wars stuff is my favorite, and it's pretty widely known. I have this one! You can get his art at basically any Comic Con worldwide; he's always traveling to them, or order through his website!

Also, while we're not friends, I fell in love with the work of this LA-based artist, Vivian Shih, and just ordered a print of this, though all her stuff is so gorgeous, it was hard to choose.

-Ace

Dear Kodak,

Shout out for Sunset Peonies, an etsy store with lots of beautiful art.

~A writer related to the owner

Dear Kodak,

I love this too! My friend Elise runs an Etsy shop called Speckled Crane Ceramics, and it's lovely. She does custom stuff, too. I am a sucker for a good vase that can hold a lot of stems but isn't just run-of-the-mill glass, and she does cute berry bowls and condiment bowls and cereal bowls and ... lots of kinds of bowls. Haha. She also makes a hardcore nativity set and some cute elephant jewelry holder thingos.

I also am so into this Etsy shop, Eunice-Eustace Designs, run by my friend Tamsen. It's hard for me to find baby clothes that I love! (I do not like baby clothes that say cheesy things like "Mommy's Little Rascal" or "Daddy's Princess" or ... whatever... and Tamsen and I are birds of a feather in this way.) Her onesies and kid shirts are clever and random and fun and not crazy expensive, and she does custom work too (which, I am a sucker for custom.) Each of my kids has worn her "NEW" onesies at the hospital and has theirs tucked away in a baby book, and who doesn't enjoy a good vintage campaign shirt on a baby? It's pretty much a no-brainer.

My friend Crystal just put out this awesome book, Awesome Science Experiments for Kids. It's really well organized and I use it a lot for my 3yo and his friends. Also it's so pretty, and honestly I even learn from it when I use it because I have to be prepared to answer kid questions when we're in the middle of one of her projects.

My friend Summer paints gorgeous renditions of kid art, called Fine Doodles. They're incredible, and they really speak for themselves, so just click the link.

I love using friends who provide services as well as products, but those are usually location-specific (photographers, anyone?) and wouldn't make a lot of sense to list here.

Enjoy!

-Olympus

Dear Ko the face-stealer,

My friend builds and modifies homemade nerf guns here. So if you're into nerf guns, you should check it out.

-El-ahrairah

Dear Granny,

Hi. I don't actually have an Etsy (or similar) store set up at the moment because being a mom of two babies and having a full-time job is already more than I can handle, but I do make custom cake toppers (or just figurines) and would love to make more this summer when I am less a full-time job and more a mom. For samples, here is my own personal cake topper:

-Az

Dear Ian,

I decided not to vaccinate myself and as you can see, I'm totally fine.

-The Ghost of Adelaide

Dear Luver,

It's well-known that vaccines do not cause autism; however, a research paper published in 2016 concluded that autism causes vaccines.

-Terrible Scientist

Dear person,

The problem with giving even a joking answer to this question is that someone, somewhere will miss the satire and proceed to not vaccinate their child because of it.

-Sheebs

Dear Ellie,

I'm not super into Disney, but I do enjoy going to the parks. Let me tell you about the time I went to Disneyland Paris.

I was with a group of friends from my study abroad. We were on a weekend trip to Paris and we were all emotionally exhausted. Stress was through the roof because we were trying to fit everything in and figure out a city none of us had been to before. My friend found discounted Disneyland tickets and on a whim we decided to go. 

It was exactly what we needed. It was like home on another continent. Everyone spoke English! Everything was clean! We all knew the food and rides and parts of the park. It cured us and we had a much better weekend.

-Adelaide

Dear Fred,

I like, worked there. So I feel qualified to answer your question. 

-What do you like about the Disney parks?

Disney is pro at creating an atmosphere that makes it easy to take a vacation from your problems. 

-You have a favorite memory about the parks you can share?

I have been to Disneyland countless times. When I worked there I got to tour Walt Disney‘s apartment on my birthday. Another favorite memory is meeting my besties and having our friendship develop. Memories from my childhood include watching the Electric Light Parade and riding the teacups with my grandma (I actually hate that ride, but the memory of her acting like a child is precious to me). In Hong Kong Pluto and I shared a Moment. I love that I got to share my (so far only) international Disney moment with my dad. I have been fortunate enough to share DisneyWorld with all of my living grandparents. Finally, my mom and I took a special trip a couple months before I got married and we got to stay in the presidential suite at our hotel, and that was AWESOME! That really was the most perfect trip because everything worked out perfectly for us. 

-Any interesting facts or historical stories about the parks you want to share?

Walt Disney’s children used to hide in the bushes around Jungle Cruise and play there. 

-You have a favorite souviner or item of clothing you bought at the parks?

My cast member exclusive Small World jacket. 

-Which of you has been the most? (I'm guessing Ace?)

Like I said. Worked there. Went practically every day for 6 months. Also went on my days off. Also I have been an annual pass holder. I have no idea how many times I went as a child. I have been a lot. 

-Any ideas for interesting re-themeing or updates for specific rides?

No. I am too nostalgic and I hate change. 

-Expextations for Star Wars Land?

I do not love Star Wars (sorry), so actually I don’t care and I have low expectations. 

-Az

Dear you,

-What do you like about the Disney parks?

I like how good they are at channeling nostalgia and creating a relatively immersive experience. When you're at Disney, you're at Disney. Also, the rides are fun.

-You have a favorite memory about the parks you can share?

On one trip, we arrived early to Magic Kingdom (because only filthy casuals don't arrive before the gates open (just kidding)) and it was rainy so there was like nobody there and they opened the park early and it was just empty. Like "ride Space Mountain and then decide you want to do it again so go back to the front of the line and get pretty much immediately back on" empty. That was awesome. 

Also, one time my husband came with us before we were married. My dad kind of considered it as the "evaluation" of whether he was crazy enough to fit in with us... We drove to Florida from Texas shortly after Christmas and spent several consecutive days getting up at like 6 am to do the parks and then drove home. It was a pretty intense experience, but obviously turned out since we got married.

-Any interesting facts or historical stories about the parks you want to share?

No.

-Any ideas for interesting re-themeing or updates for specific rides?

Replace Avatar Land with an area based on pretty much any other Disney movie ever because why did they even put that in. When's the last time you watched that movie? When's the last time you even thought about watching that movie? WHO EVEN CARES GUYS.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Elias,

-What do you like about the Disney parks?
They're so much cleaner than most other theme parks. Also, the dedication to an immersive experience is just not done half as well at any other theme parks.

-You have a favorite memory about the parks you can share?
When I was working at Disney Publishing there was a trivia event, and my team won, so we won a VIP Disneyland experience. We had a tour guide all day, got to skip lines, and were given front-row seats at fireworks and the parade. And all while on the clock!

-Any interesting facts or historical stories about the parks you want to share?
None really worth sharing, but I do know where every camera on Haunted Mansion is located, thanks to an overzealous friend who—when I told them I was taking my then-boyfriend to the parks—got worried I may have too much fun on the ride. Now they're all I can think about while on it.

-You have a favorite souvenir or item of clothing you bought at the parks?
This Jungle Cruise Christmas-sweater-inspired shirt.

-Which of you has been the most? (I'm guessing Ace?)
Thank you; I'm honored, but probably not me. I grew up with passes to Disneyland and went a lot for the few years I worked for Disney, so I definitely have been a ton. But I've only ever been to the LA parks. I was so close to going to Orlando a few years ago, but it hasn't worked out yet.

-Any ideas for interesting re-themeing or updates for specific rides?
SPLASH MOUNTAIN SHOULD BE MOANA

-Ace

Dear Elias,

I'm not an alumna just yet, but as the resident Cast Member, I feel obligated to answer anyway.

What do you like about the Disney parks?

I like that Disney puts so much time and effort into making people happy. It's a very involved process, summoning nostalgia from across all peoples and generations, but Disney does their very best to make sure there's something everyone can enjoy.

You have a favorite memory about the parks you can share?

One of the lingering problems that Disney has yet to fully solve is the demand for fireworks spectaculars--Main Street is always incredibly crowded because (especially for Happily Ever After at Magic Kingdom) in front of the castle is the best place to see the show. But the overwhelming demand upsets the experience, because you have to get a spot hours early and even then you'll be crowded together, which makes it hard to see.

However, I went to Disneyland for the 60th anniversary, and my friends and I elected to watch the fireworks from further back on Main Street, to avoid the worst of the crowds. I was totally surprised to see projections along the shops on Main Street, as well as inflatables and lasers and a lot of amazing things that I had never seen Disney do before. I genuinely teared up because Disney puts so much effort into the guest experience, and is always looking for ways to improve, and I love that about the company.

Any interesting facts or historical stories about the parks you want to share?

My favorite anecdote is that while Imagineers were designing Animal Kingdom, they had a vision for the concept of Kilimanjaro Safari, and they believed that the true excitement of the attraction lay in the proximity to the animals. Michael Eisner was the CEO at the time, and he had doubts, and there was a running back-and-forth with the Imagineers that the attraction wouldn't be exciting enough, as he thought they should add some extra gimmicks. But the Imagineers had a running mantra that Proximity is Excitement, and they were trying their very hardest to convince Eisner of that fact.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. A Board meeting was scheduled to discuss the progress on Animal Kingdom, with Imagineers and executives all together. So the Imagineers coordinated and as the meeting was beginning, arranged to have a tiger leashed only with a rope brought into the corner of the meeting. Naturally, the executives were terrified, moving as far away as possible and clearly filled with tension throughout the meeting. And that's how Eisner was convinced that mere proximity to animals was an exciting enough concept for the attraction.

You have a favorite souviner or item of clothing you bought at the parks?

Not particularly, but I will say that Disneyland routinely has better merchandise than Walt Disney World.

Which of you has been the most? (I'm guessing Ace?)

I think I'm probably in the running, considering I've worked there for 2 years in total, in addition to countless trips with my family as a child. Maybe Azriel could give me a run for my money, but I'm willing to bet I'm #2 at the very least.

Any ideas for interesting re-themeing or updates for specific rides?

BRING BACK CAPTAIN EO.

Expectations for Star Wars Land?

I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan, but considering what Disney did with Pandora, I'm sure it'll be immersive and amazing.

Love,

Luciana

Dear Elias,

What do you like about the Disney parks?

Right when you walk up, your inner child just starts to seep out. It can be 100 degrees out, you can have $0 in your bank account because you bought an overpriced ticket, and you might be going deaf because of the screaming children you had to shove out of the way to be the first in line on the tram but it doesn't matter because you're going to see Mickey Mouse, ride Splash Mountain, and eat a pricy churro.  

Favorite Memory

Last summer I was in Shanghai Disney. The temperature was comparable to the surface temperature of the sun and our group had been there for 9 hours and walked over 16,000 steps. Normally, this wouldn't have been too terrible except we had gone on ONE RIDE and walked through THREE ATTRACTIONS. This in conjunction with just an insane amount of people and jet lag just lead to a really rough day. However, we were watching a parade and Mulan showed up and waved right at me! I repeat people: SHE WAVED RIGHT AT ME.  Mulan, riding through on her metal horse of glory, WAVED.RIGHT.AT.ME.

Which of you has been the most?

I know I haven't been the most out of all of us, but I think I'm the writer who has been to the most parks. I only have Disney Paris left on my list!

-Ms.O'Malley

Dear Human,

I don't like Disneyland. Go to Harry Potter World instead.

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger

Dear Elias,

WHAT DO I LIKE?:

In general, Disney does a good job of decorating and theming their parks, and editing their decor so it isn't so much gaudy as it is whimsical, and maintaining their parks so they don't look worn out. It's generally cleaner than most theme parks. Children are welcome and planned for, instead of an afterthought. 

FAVORITE MEMORY?:

Brutus and I went to Disney World a year and a half ago, just the two of us. We'd always kind of joked that if we were single in our 30's we would go see the parks together - we did! It was a blast.

SOUVENIR?:

I always buy a new baseball cap when I visit Disney World, which features heavily in my hat rotation for the next few years.

RE-THEME IDEAS?

Boy, do I ever: 

• Magic Kingdom: Massive modernization of Tomorrowland theme, park-wide replacement of audio-animatronics.
• Epcot: replace Innoventions with permanent Consumer Electronics Showcase and TEDx Events. New pavilions in Epcot (Brazil, Egypt, India, etc), Imagination pavilion re-deux with the return of Figment/Dreamfinder, and new area devoted to teaching programming through interactive games, revamp Mission:Space to increase the ride time and make the storyline more adaptive (like Star Tours). Reopen the Health pavilion: Inside Out show about emotions and self-care (could replace the old Cranium Command show).
• Animal Kingdom: South America, Australia, and Beastly Kingdom (imaginary beasts) added to the "lands". 
• Hollywood Studios: Honestly Star Wars and Toy Story expansions will do this park a world of good. Lots of Marvel potential, too. I would maybe replace the Indiana Jones Stunt Show with a Star Wars Stunt Show, hosted by C3PO, R2D2, with special appearances by BB8.

STAR WARS LAND EXPECTATIONS?

If I can't fly the Millenium Falcon I don't want to go. But I will anyway.

Have fun storming Cinderella's Castle,

-Il Guanaco

Dear A Mystery Is You,

There sure is! You can access the Wayback Machine here. Granted, it's not perfect; smaller websites like our dear old 100 Hour Board won't have as many entries in the Wayback because we don't generate as much traffic. Still, we get enough hits that I was able to Wayback my old Board Bio page for this question a little bit ago. 

-Frère Rubik

Dear Mystery

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to the classic 1960's cartoon The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, which had a segment in which Peabody and Sherman had time travel adventures using the WABAC* Machine (pronounced "Wayback Machine"). The name of the internet's "Wayback Machine" is a reference to this classic time travel device.

-Humble Master

*Sadly, the acronym was never explained.

Dear whatever,

Look, those Wayback Machine people are fake news. They make stuff up. It's FAKE NEWS. And you know why they have such great ratings? Me.

Thanks for asking,

- Donald Trump

Dear Mustrum,

I also took three semesters of Mandarin at my university and have lived in Taiwan, so I, too, know some basic Chinese. The key is to USE your language, though, which I don’t as often as I should, especially considering I live with a native Mandarin speaker. Oops.

As far as apps and programs go, the Rosetta Stone is actually really good. Forces you to have correct pronunciation and you can choose to learn simplified or traditional characters. I have another app on my phone called ChineseSkill. It’s OK, but simple (hubs recommended it to all of his fifth grade students to use over the summer when he taught dual-immersion). Idk what program BYU used, but my university used Integrated Chinese, and they have Apps that you can subscribe to (but idk how good they are; the books are pretty good). You can also get some books on the Kindle; my favorite was The Secret Garden and it was great for me because the language was basic and I already knew the story line so I was able to figure out most of the words I didn’t  know (I use an app called Pleco to look up characters so I know how to pronounce them, but it does give definitions. Also, it’s free!). 

Anyway, if you find me on the Social media, I'm happy to practice with you in your house of simplified or traditional characters. Best of luck! Or should I say... 加油！

-Az

El-whatever,

You're waisting your time trying to learn Chinese at school. Those people - those people - the professors - the professors at schools like BYU - even though they say they're Republican - they don't know anything. Look, I know these people. They like to pretend they know what they're talking about. You know what I say? They don't know anything. You know who knows things? Me. I'll tell you something - if I could talk you in person - if you were standing right in front of me - I'd say, "ask me. I know Chinese. I have the best words." Even at a Republican school like BYU - they - they just pretend. They're liberal. They don't know anything.

And who cares about China anyway? I mean, really? Who - who cares about these people? America first! That's how this White House runs. America first.

You're welcome,

- Donald Trump

Dear person,

I should have clarified - I really like outlandish science hypotheticals. As such, I interpreted your question as a science hypothetical. I also recruited yayfulness to help because he understands a lot about geography and urban design. 

To figure out how the world and society would be different if humans had wings like angels, I decided I needed to understand the aerodynamics of angel wings. To my credit, I did suspect that angel wings would not work very well if implemented in reality. But I don't have a great understanding of aerodynamics, so I used google and found that thankfully other people tackled this for me here and here. 

Basically, angel wings as depicted in most art would be useless. If humans with literal angel wings jumped off a cliff and tried to fly, they would die. Many anatomical changes would need to be made in order for flight to be possible. Among other anatomical tweaks (i.e., hollow bones, stronger sternum, REMOVAL OF ARMS), winged humans would need a 30 foot plus wingspan, which would result in difficulty folding the wings to walk around, so they'd drag on the ground. They'd also be really heavy. Very inconvenient, especially as the human wouldn't have arms. 

There would also be significant metabolic problems. The energy cost of flying would be enormous. I can't quite figure it out exactly because I don't know how to factor everything in (and I'm not sure I would know to factor everything in), but humans would need to eat somewhere between 12,000 and 90,000 calories a day, or between 6 and 45 times as many calories as most humans eat roughly on average. And I'm not sure if that amount takes into account the loss of heat due to the increased surface area of the wings. There would definitely be increased competition for food, so it might make for a more violent society overall. 

So, at this point, I can answer this question about how my life would be different if I was the only one with wings. First of all, if I was born with wings I assume they would have been surgically removed shortly after my birth. I imagine doctors would have seen them as undesirable growths. But let's say, so we can take this question as far as possible, that my wings were not removed. If the wings were functional, it would mean that I would have no arms. This would impact my life significantly. Once I learned how to fly I would have become very famous. However, at places like school, I'd probably get made fun of for being different and because my wings would drag on the ground. I probably would have avoided school, which would have been easy because I could fly and I assume the police would eventually get sick of dispatching helicopters, especially if I was not getting injured. I probably never would have even read the 100 Hour Board because it would have been more difficult to go on the internet.

I'd need to eat a lot of food which would have placed a financial burden on my family growing up, and would be even more expensive for me as an adult. So I'd need a really good job. I think I would probably start a courier company or became a specialized postal worker. Maybe I would also do shows to demonstrate my abilities to the public. I would probably need to work a lot of hours in order to feed myself, especially if I ended up needing something like 80,000 calories a day. Maybe I would join a sports team. Maybe I'd play professional basketball, I'd probably be really good at that because at the very least I could block all of the opposing team's shots. If I could make a decent salary that way so I could survive.

Yayfulness had many more ideas about how the world and society would be different if humans had wings, assuming that they have arms. He said:

Dear Faithful Fanny,

My roommate gave a talk about Heavenly Mother on Mother's Day and I cried the whole time. To have our divine Mother and example of who we women will be in the eternities taught from the pulpit was simply amazing. It increased my testimony that, in the eternities, I won't be completely ignored or forgotten, or have my identity completely swallowed up in a man's. Sometimes that's hard to remember. Seeing people's reactions to her talk showed me how desperately we all want to learn about our Mother in Heaven, and gave me more faith in members of the Church.

-guppy of doom

Dear Fx2,

About a week ago I was attending the temple in Sao Paulo Brazil. Most of our group was wearing headphones so they could listen in English. I'm not used to seeing large groups of people wearing headphones in the temple, so I was sitting and thinking about when I had the thought "Do I have my 'spiritual' headphones on?"

The rest of the time I was in the temple I tried to listen with my "spiritual headphones" and I learned so much! I had been having a hard time recognizing impressions and it was really comforting to be reminded that it's possible to actually receive inspiration. I'm still struggling a bit with receiving answers to my prayers, and I've got some big decisions coming up, but I feel like I've been developing a better relationship with God recently. It's been reassuring and has given me some confidence in the future.

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear Fanny,

During a recent weekend when my wife & kids were off visiting family, I had a good chunk of a Sunday afternoon and evening that I spent thinking and writing about the sorts of stuff I discuss in this question. The Spirit helped me understand things better, and it was just a really good experience. Getting a lengthy, quiet period to ponder once in a while is awesome.

Also, General Conference was great.

~Professor Kirke

Dear Faithful,

First, a few weeks ago I was talking with an LDS therapist (because holy cow parenthood!), and something she said was so great. I was talking about how stressful it is that I can't dedicate the kind of time or attention to scripture study that I feel like will yield the kind of spiritual results I'm looking for. She reminded me that we can ask God to consecrate our efforts. I am not usually a person who thinks, "God wants us to study our scriptures, so if we do, He will give us blessings" - typically, I think that it's more like, God asks us to study our scriptures because the act of reading will put us in a spiritual yield space where the Spirit is more communicative (because we have opened up our spiritual receptiveness.) I still believe that, but her comment reminded me that God ALSO works miracles and wants to talk to us, and the Atonement sanctifies us and our experience if we're trying and earnest. We really are not earning our spiritual experiences in the way I was thinking - it's still all God blessing us and "are we not all beggars" territory. Anyway, it's not like I can just blow off meaningful scripture study now, but God can bless me spiritually in line with what I need even if I can't do everything I would ideally want to do all the time. The Spirit really taught me a mini Atonement lesson in that concept, and it's made a big difference in my understanding of grace and my spiritual well being.

That, in combination with some other experiences lately, have reminded me that God's approaches don't always follow the conventional logic that I am expecting to see, and that faith should always be part of everything I do.

-Olympus

Dear Doctor,

It's not exactly recent, since it happened last summer.

After I quit my job, I felt like I needed/wanted to be a temple worker. When I went in for my interview, I was sitting on the couch thinking about how much I'd like to play the organ. It'd been a dream calling of mine when I did baptisms in the Provo temple my freshman year of college. The counselor in the temple presidency asked me what I'd been thinking about while I was waiting, but when I told him he asked if I had my heart set on playing the organ. And so, against my gut feeling, I was called as an ordinance worker.

My first day was training, but I couldn't get comfortable. Being an ordinance worker demands a lot from someone with both anxiety and depression, and I just couldn't do it. I asked the shift leader about switching, and they were extremely gracious in helping me find a way to serve in the temple that best fit me. I ended up becoming an organist and playing two to four times a month up until the month Lil' M. was born. It was a great fit for me, especially when I ended up becoming pregnant. It was just an hour and a half shift (as opposed to six hours) in the afternoon (not five in the morning) and I didn't really have to talk to anyone, nor did I have to smile while people were around. 

For me, it was a testament to how much God knew what I wanted. Even when I was placed in the spot that didn't fit me well, God still helped me to get to a position where I could serve in the best of my capacity.

-Tally M.

Dear Fan,

I wasn't excited when my elder's quorum started discussing a certain subject a few weeks ago. I didn't want to make a scene, but I decided to risk it and raised my hand to (delicately) raise an issue with something we were talking about and ask for others' opinions. Several people shared their thoughts, but they were all respectful and thoughtful. I don't think I changed anyone's mind (and my mind was certainly not changed), but I felt closer to the rest of the class and felt like I could be relatively open with them. So it strengthened my testimony in the other members of my ward.

-El-ahrairah

Dear friend,

A few months back I was praying about a thing which I felt very stressed and frustrated with myself about. A very clear thought came to my mind that brought me comfort. It was blunt but comforting. I was so stressed and so frustrated that the thought quickly left me and I could not remember what it was. I tried and tried to remember but everything I came up with was negative and discouraging. 

Flash forward a few weeks and the thing had now blown up in my face. I mean, it wasn't terrible but I was hurting. So I'm venting and crying on my little brother's shoulder. He is affirming me and helping me feel that I am good. And as he tells me that the Lord isn't mad, that he trusts me, and that I've done everything I can to obey Him--the thought came back. 

I think that when my brother helped me feel my relationship with the Savior I was again open to what He had been trying to tell me. It strengthened my testimony because I felt God's love for me through my brother's ministering. 

Babalugats

Dear you,

This last weekend, Dr. Occam, Baby Z and I drove up to Rexburg with three of our friends to deep clean the apartment of another friend dealing with cancer, two severe chronic illnesses, and some personal problems. We didn’t have time to go to church, and the three friends are varying degrees of inactive anyways due to the fact that being gay makes it hard to be in the church. 

It was the best church I’ve had in months.

-Zedability 

Dear Cinnamon,

The first question that came to mind was Board Question #35898, which (if you check out Olympus' blog) was asked by krebscout. So if I don't think of anything else, that one's my favorite.

-Marguerite St. Just

Dear name here,

Great place for an embassy. In the words of the 1995 Jerusalem Embassy Act, passed with overwhelming bipartisan support ("yea" votes included Democrat Senators Biden, Daschle, Feingold, Kennedy, Kerry, Lieberman, and Reid with only 1 Democrat and 4 Republicans voting against):

Each sovereign nation, under international law and custom, may designate its own capital. Since 1950, the city of Jerusalem has been the capital of the State of Israel. The city of Jerusalem is the seat of Israel's President, Parliament, and Supreme Court, and the site of numerous government ministries and social and cultural institutions.

...

The United States maintains its embassy in the functioning capital of every country except in the case of our democratic friend and strategic ally, the State of Israel.

...

Jerusalem should be recognized as the capital of the State of Israel; and the United States Embassy in Israel should be established in Jerusalem no later than May 31, 1999.

Sounds pretty reasonable to me, notwithstanding the fact that Hamas, a terrorist, anti-Semitic organization that doesn't recognize Israel's right to exist, cynically got some of its people killed over the issue by threatening Israeli security in a way calculated to force exactly the response they received. 

~Professor Kirke

Dear reader,

Without being a firsthand witness, it's hard to be sure exactly what happened on the border between Israel and Gaza, but there are a few things that I can feel relatively certain about.

Since the protests began on March 30, a total of 104 Gazans have been killed in demonstrations, with 12 more killed in other circumstances. Most were shot by Israeli snipers. Over 12,600 Gazans have been injured, about 55% of which required hospitalization. In contrast, exactly one Israeli soldier has been "slightly wounded by shrapnel." Again, just to be clear: the casualty rate is over 12,700 to 1 in Israel's favor.

Now, I'm not saying that Israeli soldiers should just wait to be hurt before fighting back, but do you really expect me to believe that they are employing the minimum force necessary to protect themselves when they can kill over a hundred people and injure over ten thousand without any of their own people being seriously hurt?

Meanwhile, let's take a brief look at the conditions in Gaza. All data is taken from this Wikipedia page unless otherwise noted.

The Gaza Strip is about 141 square miles and is home to about 1.85 million people. About 45% of the population, or 0.83 million people, is under the age of 14 (see here). Most of the population is descended from Palestinian refugees who lost their homes in the wake of Israel's war of independence.

About 18% of children in the Gaza Strip are malnourished, and 53% of women and 44% of children are anemic. About 70% of Gazan households experience food insecurity in some form.

Israel has imposed a 300-foot buffer zone along its border with Gaza, rendering an estimated 30% of the region's arable land useless. Israel has also imposed a naval buffer of one nautical mile around Gaza, making fishing impossible. Because both Israel and Egypt have imposed a blockade on Gaza, the entire population is effectively sealed into their own country. Due to the blockade, Gaza's economy has also been decimated, and its ability to export goods extinguished almost entirely.

According to one UN report, if significant changes are not made, the entire Gaza Strip will be rendered functionally uninhabitable within decades.

Meanwhile, immediately across the border, Israel is one of the most prosperous countries in the world.

Tell me, honestly: If you lived in Gaza, if you watched your friends shot and your children starving, if you lost your job to the blockade, if you were blocked on pain of death from leaving the country, if you watched the people who took your grandparents' home and made your family into refugees enjoy the wealth of a modern nation, what would you do?

I am no supporter of Hamas. Indiscriminate terrorist attacks are evil. But I am losing the ability to discern the difference between indiscriminate attacks on Israelis by Palestinians and indiscriminate attacks on Palestinians by Israelis. Nothing you say can convince me that Israel's use of force over the last month and a half has been proportionate to the threat the protests created. Again: 12,700 Palestinian casualties to one Israeli casualty. That's not proof of human rights abuses, but it is absolutely a giant waving red flag.

Now, on a related topic: I do not believe that criticism of the government and state of Israel is automatically anti-Semitism. But I have seen a lot of people in positions of influence on Twitter and elsewhere get awfully close to that line. When you use "the Jews" to refer to Israel or its government, I notice. When you treat Jewish people as a monolith as opposed to a collection of millions of individuals with millions of beliefs and viewpoints, I notice. When you dehumanize the Jews as so many people are prone to dehumanizing the Palestinians, I notice.

In a way, I'm glad the United States moved its embassy to Jerusalem. The fictional role of the United States as a neutral party in negotiations between Israel and Palestine has finally been abolished. Maybe that will be the breakthrough that finally prompts some sort of change.

But probably not. Man's inhumanity to man is functionally limitless, and I have no doubt that those with power will continue to exert it with absolute disregard for the welfare of those without power for as long as our species exists.

-yayfulness

Dear My ~

One of my favorite places in the world. Yellow still owes me a second honeymoon there. It played a large part in our courtship. Based on revelation and prophecies, I have high hopes for it still being there and peaceful someday. 

~ Dragon Lady

Dear you,

I mentioned that I was incredibly uninformed on the subject at a dinner party last week, so my good friend offered to help me out. She sent me the following email, and it's been an incredibly helpful primer, despite her disclaimer, that will help you understand what's going on.

Here are some links I personally think are helpful. They are not perfect! Some sort of disclosure about how I am just a Jewish kid with a laptop and not a professor on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, so you know, do more research independently! This issue is very complicated and emotional for people and my opinions are my own or whatever!!!!

Great overview primer -- it's not too long, but does a fairly good job at hitting all the main issues. Definitely worth a read as a starting place -- http://www.palestine-studies.org/institute/fellows/primer-palestine-israel-and-arab-israeli-conflict 

 Al Jazeera's Timeline also helps break down the history of the conflict in a really useful way -- https://interactive.aljazeera.com/aje/palestineremix/timeline_main.html 

 Visualizing Palestine is also a great resource for the visually minded, and helps break down some big concepts (a few of my faves below)

• https://visualizingpalestine.org/visuals/history-of-occupation-d0a627cd-d07f-48a7-b72f-1c5cd392cca3 
• https://visualizingpalestine.org/visuals/shrinking-palestine 
• https://visualizingpalestine.org/visuals/us-military-aid-to-israel 
• https://visualizingpalestine.org/visuals/segregated-roads-west-bank

 Some more helpful specialized articles --

•  What factions hold power in Palestine - http://transparency.aljazeera.net/en/projects/thepalestinepapers/201218205949656112.html 
• History of Hamas -- http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-13331522 
• Decoding media coverage of Palestine -- https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/mainstream-media-palestine-wrong-171230101955202.html 
• Why was Trump moving the American embassy controversial - https://www.vox.com/2018/5/14/17340798/jerusalem-embassy-israel-palestinians-us-trump 
• What is BDS -- https://bdsmovement.net/what-is-bds 
• What is Palestine's position in the UN -- http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-13701636 
• Zionism as a trauma-based philosophy - https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-why-israelis-live-in-fear-and-who-capitalizes-on-it-1.5462456 and http://mondoweiss.net/2017/05/collective-traumatic-oppression/ (insert the "Remember that We Suffered" song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend here)
• An overview of the policies of Israel's PM - https://www.aljazeera.com/news/middleeast/2013/01/201311113412274889.html
• The link between evangelical Christianity (ie Donald Trump's biggest fans) and Israel - https://www.cnn.com/2017/12/08/opinions/jerusalem-israel-evangelicals-end-times-butler-bass-opinion/index.html and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo77sTGpngQ 

Hope this helps you understand the general picture a little more!

-Ace

Dear Kodak,

I funded a Kickstarter fora new smartwatch, the MyKronos ZeTime. It's not perfect, but most of the issues are software-related, and it keeps improving little by little. Whatever problems it does have, I like that it's not much bigger than a normal watch, and it still has analog hands so that you can tell the time without turning on the screen.

-The Entomophagist

Dear Kodak,

A friend of mine is selling her new cookbook+stories book, I Cook for Compliments, on Kickstarter! Every recipe has stories and she is a fabulous writer. I can't wait to get this cookbook in the mail, and as of this question's posting, there will still be a few days left on her Kickstarter clock. Yay! She is also a former Board writer, but I won't spoil her anonymity.

I went in with Dragon Lady and Yellow to fund the Duchess gaming table, which is awesome and has ratcheted up our gaming game (heh) by a lot. (That makes it sound like we singlehandedly funded it between the two of us - ha. No, buying the tables in a four pack gave you a discount, so we joined in with them and two of their other friends to do that.) We had to wait something like a year and a half between funding it and receiving it, but it was totally worth it because they had some issues in shipping and packaging (among other things) that the earlier shipments had to deal with, but our table was in near perfect condition because we were one of the last shipments. Yay for patience! Haha. It's even better because we live in a small space in California, so we can't have two tables, but we CAN have this because it comes with toppers that help it double as a normal kitchen table. It's been great for our social life, too, because we often have friends come over to play after kid bedtimes. We either offer to help pay for their babysitters or have people come over who don't need babysitters (either because their kids are older, or because they don't have kids.)

I actually have relatively little Kickstarter experience, but my favorite Kickstarter story is when Amanda Palmer became the first music artist to break $1 million for an album on Kickstarter. She tells the story of it in her TED talk (with a more extended version in her book, The Art of Asking), and it's marvelous. Long story short, her label had just declared her a failure for selling 25,000 copies of an album, and for her next album she made history on Kickstarter with her $1million campaign, which was funded by right around 25,000 funders.

It's also fun to just go to Kickstarter's homepage and look through different projects. THAT is super entertaining.

-Olympus

Dear, 

My brother did one not too long ago. He's been teaching himself about 3D printing and programming, and used the Kickstarter money to pay himself to develop a program to make it easier for people to design their own mini figurines. 

I mostly back point and click adventure games, trying to recapture the joy of Lucasarts games. Some are better than others. 

-Uffish Thought 

Dear Kodak ~

As Olympus stated above, it's definitely the Duchess game table. I'm pretty fond of it. For pretty much all of the reasons she stated.

We do not have a tiny house in California, so our table usually resides in our basement, in our game room, next to our walk-in game closet. (Have I mentioned we love games?) I love that it has edges so game pieces don't get knocked off by interfering children who should know better, but don't. I love that it has a mat, kind of like a mouse pad, that makes it far easier to pick up cards without dinging them with my fingernails. I love that it has cup holders.

When our friends moved in with us, and we realized we couldn't fit 11 people around our 6-person table, we brought the game table upstairs, with the table topper, turning it into a kitchen table. We took off the cup holders (because holy cow... kids. They can climb and dangle on anything), and I miss those every time we play a game on it. But I'm super happy about the flexibility of it, allowing us to eat all day, and play games on a dedicated table in the evening. And yes, I know you can play games on a normal kitchen table—I have done it for years—but it really is that awesome to play on. 

Don't believe me? Come have a game night with me.

~ Dragon Lady

Dear Kodak,

I funded the Veronica Mars movie back in the day, as well as some of the early My Drunk Kitchen/Hannah Hart stuff (to be honestly that might have been on Indiegogo, I can't remember). I also funded the fidget cube things, which were much better in principle than actual use in my opinion. I mean they might work well for someone but except for sometimes when I watch TV I rarely use mine. There are probably other weird knick-knacks that I've purchase/funded as well but I can't remember them. 

There IS a dice company doing a Kickstarter right now called Kraken Dice and I kind of want to waste an absurd amount of money on them because they are so purdy. I have a problem okay and it's all the fault of Critical Role and D&D. 

But mostly I try to stay very far away from Kickstarter because I have the tendency to impulse buy things that look cool but that I don't really need. 

-Watts

Dear you,

On the one hand, if a book was good enough to be made into a movie, people probably liked it the way it was written. So like some of the writers below, it does kind of bother me. 

That being said, how annoying this is probably depends on the situation and the reason for the change, and it doesn't always actually matter.

For example, in the Harry Potter series, Lavender Brown's race is never explicitly mentioned. The potter wiki points to an implication that she's white since the book mentions her and Ron's hands blending together. During the series she's played by both white and black actresses. To me this really doesn't matter at all. Lavender's character isn't at all impacted by her race. Even if there was some physical description of her, I don't think going against that to change something like skin color really matters. Movies inaccurately portray the physical looks of literary characters all the time. (For an obvious example: unless you're reading super Mary Sue literature, every single character isn't usually beautiful, but when you go to the movies, magically, there's not a single pimple in all of Hogwarts unless it was cursed there.)

By contrast, there are situations and characteristics where change would make a big deal. An adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, for example, that left every other character untouched but recast Elizabeth Bennett as Dwayne Johnson would make no sense because so much of the context of the book has to do with the social structure of a very specific group of people in a very specific time and place (daughters of landed gentry in Britain in the 19th century). 

These may be exmaples on the extremes of the spectrum, but there you go.

TL;DR: Depends on the situation. While it may be initially uncomfortable for me to have my mental map/image/concept of the character changed, I think that there are some situations where the change ultimately doesn't matter and some where it does.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear you,

It really depends on the movie and the character. For instance, I'm really upset about Artemis Fowl making Root a female, because the books made a big deal about Holly being one of the first female captains, and how Root was constantly standing against her or holding her to a higher standard because she was female. This ruins that whole dimension of female empowerment where Holly, despite being mistrusted by her superiors because she's the only female, proves them all wrong and exceeds all expectations. Just imagine what Zootopia would have been like if Judy Hopps' chief was a rabbit. It would have changed the whole dynamic and dramatically decreased the significance of Hopps becoming the first rabbit police officer. 

I wouldn’t have cared if they changed Root’s race, or Holly’s race, because that isn’t key to the story. Honestly, it would be cool to see Root portrayed as an Asian or African American man (though I still would like to see his face turn its signature beet red). But when they change a character’s gender or race in a way that changes the story, and ESPECIALLY in a way that decreases Holly’s radical position as the only female in the police force, I stand firmly against it. 

-guppy of doom

Dear you,

I think a lot of authors make characters white or male by default, which results in a boring, unrepresentative cast. The real world isn’t all white and male. I think changing it often makes a better movie, at least in cases where the gender or race isn’t a plot point (like Commander Root). 

A great example of this is Hermione being black in Cursed Child. Rowling herself pointed out that while she hadn’t originally intended Hermione to be black, her physical description of Hermione could apply equally well to a black person.

-Zedability

 Dear you,

I like it when it's creating more work and representation for people of color or other underrepresented communities. White/cis/straight/etc.-washing characters that were pointedly a minority is messed up.

I'm still holding out hopes that the green ranger in Power Rangers 2 will switch things up and be a female Tommy :)

-Ace

Dear Artemis coughy cough

Fidelity to source text is an overrated concern, BUT that doesn't mean just making a change is great, either. What is the reasoning behind changing a character's race/age/gender/etc.? That's where these decisions actually matter. 

Hamilton proved you can do some VERY interesting things even when fidelity to actual once-living humans says you shouldn't. 

-Humble Master

Dear (*cough ~

Stop changing unnecessary things. It's unnecessary. I get that sometimes plots have to change slightly to fit a different media, but anything else, just stop.

~ Dragon Lady, who hates Harry Potter movies starting at #5

Dear you,

This may not be a popular opinion but I think it's okay when it is an old well-loved work that has been adapted many times. Some works just beg to be explored in every way possible. And I think it can serve to extend the impact of the work.  People love messing around with Jane Austen, Arthur Conan Doyle, Charles Dickens and such and I have no problem with it.

I agree with some of the other writers. It has to make sense and it should bring something new to the work. Token changes are more distracting than helpful.

Babalugats

Dear c,

Once upon a time, when my brother was about 3 and my sister was about 1, they had split up a tray of ice cubes and started playing with them. My brother, being the older sibling, got eleven, and my sister got one, but my brother wasn't terribly happy about this outcome. "Mom, Jesus said to share, and [sister] isn't sharing!"

I'm not going to dig too deep into your actual question, because other writers with far more knowledge on the subject have already told you more than I ever could. But I do think it would be good if every writer, before making an adaptation, took a moment to think about this story.

-yayfulness

Dear Rainataur,

Don't be too hard on yourself! Everyone has things they do or say that they don't realize come off differently than intended. It's very self-aware that you've figured out something you do that others might take the wrong way and a good first step for improvement.

One thing that could help is trying to see how the person you're talking to might take what you're saying. Think about how you'd feel if they were saying the same thing to you. Would you find it funny or feel a little hurt or patronized by their response? If the latter, maybe rephrase what you're going to say in a more down-to-earth way. Or, if you have a particularly thick skin, think about what you know about this person and whether they're more sensitive. If you don't know the person, aim on the safe side.

Also, another thing is listening and validating someone's thoughts rather than necessarily giving advice all the time. Sometimes when people talk about what's going on in their lives, they're more looking for understanding than advice exactly. If they ask for advice, then that's another story, but it could help to try listening to the person first and then offering advice after. 

Kind of going along with that, it could also help to understand what someone's saying before correcting them, if that's something you do often. Being more open to input and other people's knowledge could help you see things from another perspective and tone down any condescending tendencies. Everyone has a different perspective on life, and sometimes listening to their's is more productive and less condescending than proving what's the right or wrong way to look at an issue.

Hopefully that helps a little. If not, you could always talk to close friends and family members to get their perspective on how you talk and ways you could sound more approachable. Again, don't beat yourself up about it, and best of luck!

-Van Goff

Dear Rainatur,

I'm now going to give you the same advice as Van Goff (because it's fantastic advice), but I'm gonna say it in a more direct way for emphasis.

If you want to be seen as less condescending, stop giving advice. Just validate what other people say and then stop. Almost all of the time, this is what they want anyway. If someone directly asks for your advice, give it, but still let it be known that you don't know everything about the situation -- that the other person is the expert in their own life. For example, you have directly asked for advice here, so I'm giving it, but I realize that I could be completely wrong about what it is you are asking so none of my advice may apply. I'm just giving the advice that, in general, I perceive that people who I would describe as condescending could use.

Also, stop mansplaining (whether you're a man or not). Teach yourself to assume that people (especially women, people of color, LGBTQ people, or other marginalized groups) know things without you telling them. Consider that ideas which are new to you are not new to everyone. Think through the implications of that before you speak.

Watch what little phrases you use. Phrases that express surprise that someone did well or that play up the enthusiasm too much can definitely be condescending. Watch out for those.

Best of luck.

- The Black Sheep

P.S. Before you ever use the phrase, "You have great taste!" (except as a joke) try the phrase, "I like that too!" instead.

Dear Another Dating Question,

The simplest answer to your question is the Internet and/or a phone. I'm guessing, however, you want a little more than that, right?

It can be difficult to maintain, let alone build, a relationship from a distance, and if you try too hard, it might give the wrong impression or even frighten her off. Spending time with someone is often the best way to get to know and understand them, especially at first. To be honest with you, one summer isn't a terribly long time and rather than force something, consider letting things unfold a little more naturally. Send her the occasional, "Hey, how've you been?" texts, but also include a specific question or two (e.g., Do anything fun lately? Are you looking forward to fall semester? What classes are you taking? etc.,) in order to avoid a single-word, dead-end response that doesn't end up going anywhere. If she responds positively to such inquiries, as fall semester draws closer, consider asking her on potential future dates. Please don't be pushy or pester her, though. She may not feel the same way and it's important to be respectful. 

Also, try not to obsesses or fret over her responses, should you end up texting each other; which, let's be honest, is one of the best ways to keep in touch these days. A phone call would be better, but you might not be there yet, and that's fine. Pick up on social cues and yet don't read too much into things (Why did she take thirty minutes to respond?! Is she losing interest?!). Again, try to let it unfold naturally and don't force it.

And, well, good luck!

-Sky Bones

Dear ADQ,

I looooove Marco Polo for keeping in touch with long-distance people. It's low key and casual like texting, since it's not like you have to meet up for a certain period of time or make sure things aren't crazy while you communicate, and you can shoot off a quick message anytime. But it's still got a lot of the great parts of videochatting or hanging out in person - I actually feel like I've spent time with the people I Marco Polo with, and you CAN do it in real time if you want to. Obviously, actual in-person is the most optimal thing, but if I don't want to actually videochat, Marco Polo has proven to be an excellent second choice. So, that's my vote! Good luck!

-Olympus

Dear Optimistic.,

Nine. 

I sure hope this helps. Please don’t hate me. 

- Brutus

Dear Optimistic.

Tenderly Wise.

-Humble Master

Old friend—

"So I was just hit by a car
My body
I am okay
But not too
Laying in the street"

And then, after he read me that, I laughed so hard that I peed my pajama pants a tiny bit. 

Feel free to guess the question,
Waldorf (& Sauron) 

Dear Optimistic., 

Latrice Royale versus Dida Ritz, season four. I know there was nary a death drop in sight, but it’s the best. 

- The Black Sheep

Dear Optimistic.,

It's not as challenging to speciate the 3 (of 4) major types of hard-shelled ticks we have in the United States as you might think. "Why am I even doing this??" you might ask. Well, not YOU because YOU asked this very insightful question about how to actually do this. But there are a number of tick-borne diseases, some bacterial, some viral, and if you can immediately eliminate the ones you couldn't have because the tick that you found on you and sent in the lab doesn't even carry that disease ... well, you can see how that would be good.

It helps to have an inverted "dissecting" scope with good resolution, but even when looking by eye, here are the characteristics to look for:

1. Check out that anus! 

What's the first thing you look for when looking at a tick anus? The anal groove. The only tick that has a groove in the shape of a big arch (or "inverted U") over the anus is Ixodes or deer tick. That's the one that could transmit Lyme disease (caused by the spiral bacteria Borrelia burgdorferi).

See? Even when the tick has lost its head, you can still make out the arch over the anus. This is an Ixodes.

Your other hard shell ticks, dog tick, lone star tick, are going to have a small "u" UNDER the anus. 

2. How about the shell?

Ixodes ticks on the edge of the shell away from the mouth are totally smooth. But Dermacentor and Amblyoma have decorative patterns called "festoons," that almost look like teeth or crenelated castle tops. No festoons? It's an Ixodes. You see festoons? Well then let's go deeper. 

3. What does the mouth look like?

The part of the tick's mouth that actually sticks into you is called the hypostome and it's gnarly. A tiny serrated saw that gets in and holds on. The other two mouth parts next to it are technically called the "palps" but for our purposes, lets just call this "mouth parts." 

Are the mouth parts long? Then you know you've got either Ixodes (see above), or Amblyoma. Amblyoma americana is the lone star tick and there's a good reason for that - the adult females have a white dot on their outer shell. But say you have a juvenile (a nymph) or a male - no dot. If the mouth parts look long and straight, you've probably got an Amblyoma. 

If the mouthparts are short, it could either be Dermacentor (dog tick), or the less common Rhipicephalus (haven't seen one of these yet. But it's like Pokemon - gotta catch 'em all!)

4. But Rating Pending, this tick doesn't look anything LIKE those!

It might be a soft-shelled tick. This family Ornithodoros can transmit the really dangerous tick-borne relapsing fever. How do you know you have this? You have a terrible fever, it goes away, then comes back, then goes away then, comes back. Hence, "relapsing." This is also caused by a spiral-shaped Borrelia bacteria (like Lyme disease), but not the same species B. burgdorferi. 

Last important points about ticks!

• Removal: No vaseline on the butt, no matches or hot needles. Tweezers, gripping firmly and pulled straight out from your skin at a 90 degree angle. That's it. Have you ever tried to smash a tick? Or crush it? You won't squish it with the tweezers. Just pull it out.
• TONS of ticks? Scientists doing field studies in tick-infested areas swear by duct tape
• 
• Oh no! I had a tick on me for, like, a whole day of hiking before I pulled it out! I have lyme disease now! Nah. Transmission studies show that it takes at least 24-36 hours before Lyme disease MIGHT be transmitted. If the Lyme-carrying tick is on there for 72 hours, you have an almost total chance of transmission. But if you notice and remove with a few hours, even within a day? You're fine.
• "Chronic Lyme disease" is controversial, but not a thing. By which I mean: there is no evidence that Lyme bacteria chronically infect a person. However, it's possible that Lyme disease can result in autoimmune disease symptoms down the line. But if someone suggests taking antibiotics for chronic Lyme, that's not good.
• "Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever" is most common in the Southeastern states. It got that name because it was identified at the CDC's Rocky Mountain Laboratories in Montana. Yeah, I agree it's a bad name. 

- Rating Pending (who is already planning on doing a seminar at some point called a "tick talk" so don't worry, he's ready to go, pun-wise. Alternative titles include "Check out that anus!")

Dear you,

Ahh, thank you! I had no idea what it would look like (the ultimate test of faith, eh?), but it ended up being just perfect and I couldn't be any more in love with it.

-guppy of doom

Dear Doctor,

• A subscription to Book.Case Club
• A subscription to mintMONGOOSE
• A subscription to Lip Monthly
• An eShakti gift card
• Dark chocolate Twix
• Dark chocolate in general
• More of these
• Plus some of the 16 oz size
• ...and the 8 oz size
• Word on the Street
• Doodle Dice
• Another pair of these shorts (they're SO comfortable)
• Press Here The Game
• Kingdom Builder (and any of its expansions)
• Rivals for Catan
• Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective (any version, really)
• Almost any other game, provided I don't already own it
• A couple of sets of these glass apothecary jars (for bath salts and such)

-Tally M.

Dear Optimistic,

Of course! Thank you very much!

Peace,

Tipperary

Dear Optimistic,

In no particular order...

This set of subway maps.

This other set of subway maps.

A map showing the current location of every Amtrak train.

A spectacularly good election map from XKCD.

A graphic design adjustment to the US map from XKCD.

A note on a particularly common map style from XKCD.

A map of life expectancy by county across the US.

A mapping tool from 538 with nationwide mortality data.

Maps of the geographic popularity of the 50 most-watched musicians on YouTube.

A map of flight paths taken on the year's busiest day of air travel.

An interactive map of worldwide ocean freight shipping in 2012.

A map of the historic lands of indigenous cultures in North America and Australia, with links to resources on each culture.

A map of per capita worldwide civilian gun ownership.

A story about how gerrymandering of election maps can be prevented.

A map of who would have won the 2016 US presidential election if "did not vote" were treated as a candidate.

A great Twitter thread (with maps) on how if New Orleans were fictional it would be dismissed as completely unrealistic.

A map of what happens when two developers get into a petty rivalry.

A map of what happens when ArcGIS goes wrong, as it inevitably does.

A map determining the actual "middle of nowhere" in the 48 contiguous states.

A... map, I guess.

A Twitter thread (with maps) on housing rental costs across the US.

A map of the death penalty's status worldwide.

A gif map of Chinese political history.

A map of refugee destinations by country.

A map showing how a change in national borders a century ago can still be used to predict current election results.

-yayfulness

Dear Optimistic.,

So first we found the cause of the mysterious plague plaguing the sewers (spoiler alert: it was the noblewoman's illegitimate son who needed zombies to dig for a lost amulet of immortality). Along the way we parried with a housewife-turned-assassin who had venomous nails, played bunco (a game involving chance, drinking, and spit), and set up our half-orc hostess with a guard we ended up not fighting.

Then we traveled to a nearby duchy to find a stolen amulet. We talked to lots of fish, got trapped underground, got eaten by (and escaped from) a weird frog-creature, fought off a plesiosaur, and stopped a plot by the royal adviser to replace the duke. And we finally found the amulet (the librarian claimed Bloody Ben was the thief, but it was the librarian all along! Bloody Ben just wanted to learn how to read).

Then we got hired to stop a necromancer from raising the dead in a war-torn village. Turns out the necromancer was a nice old lady who was assigning zombies to help build bridges and assist all the widows, and the paladins who hired us were self-righteous do-gooders in the pocket of a monopoly trying to grab the villagers' land. We ended up racing them through the booby-trapped maze to the zombie on-off switch, and then our priest (who didn't like zombies) "accidentally" flipped the one-time-use switch. We were not welcome in that village anymore.

Our next stop was the swamp. After stopping for some jambalaya pizza and Cajun hospitality, we delivered some controlled substances to a Southern witch in exchange for sun glasses, were magically shrunk, used the controlled substance to unshrink ourselves, fought off the witch and her two crocogators, and freed a long-lost uncle (who had been shrunken and trapped by the witch).

Stopping briefly in the monopoly-controlled town, we entered the mountains to return a couple star-crossed lovers who could only see each other while touching. We ended up being ambushed by invisible sunglass-wearing dwarves and escaped into the world beneath the mountains. We met a friendly beholder (floating head with eye stalks who could kill you in seconds) who thought he was a hobbit, won a dance-off with some underground cowboys, and met a fish-folk linguist in a prison gift shop. Now it looks like we may need to fight our way out of the prison and do it fast if we want to join an underwater lake fish-folk cruise. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

-El-ahrairah

Dear Optimistic.,

It's only been out for a handful of months, so I don't know that you can call it the best platformer of all time just yet, but it's probably the frontrunner for the game of the year. The controls are so simple (just three buttons for jump, dash, and climb), the pixel art is so simple, and yet they contain multitudes. Every new level brings a new challenge that completely changes the way you play the game, and each builds on the last. The B-sides expand on that even further, and the C-sides give you the perfect blend of brutal difficulty and sheer elation when you complete them. (For most of the C-sides, you might not even touch the ground more than once or twice.)

And the best part is that it only costs $20! I bought the game back in January and have probably put 60-70 hours into it, which is tremendous value for just $20. It hasn't stopped being fresh and interesting, no matter how many times I play. Lena Raine's music is fantastic, and the B-side remixes are spectacular as well. I've listened to Kuraine's remix of "Summit" (No More Running) close to a hundred times at this point. Still just as good as the first time.

The best part might be the cost, but the most important part is how candidly it treats anxiety. I don't really suffer from anxiety myself, but this game gave me so much insight into how it must feel to have your brain working against you as you try to go through life. The cut scene in the gondola lift after Golden Ridge has stuck with me ever since I've seen it. It's powerfully affecting, and it changes the way you look at people.

So while it may not be the greatest platformer of all time, it's up there, and it's definitely worth your $20. It would be worth five times that. Make your way over to Steam, or the Nintendo Store, or wherever, and pick yourself up a copy of Celeste today. You won't regret it.

- D.A.R.E.

Dear Optimistic. ~

Shoot me an email. I’ll get you delivery instructions.

Note: Dark is far better than milk. High quality preferred.

~ Dragon Lady

Dear Optimistic.,

His panicked spouse screamed "back here!" as we stumbled through the dim surroundings of their house. He was supine on the ground, vomit and froth eschewing from his nose and mouth. "I don't know what happened - I woke up and he was just wasn't breathing right." We dragged him from the corner of the room and started the familiar cadence of chest compressions, my partner connecting the defibrillator and turning the monitor on. "He's in V-fib." I'm the one that has to decide what the rhythm is and treat accordingly. Ventricular fibrillation is the first one they teach after "normal sinus rhythm" and I haven't seen it in years, but the treatment is simple: electricity - lots of it. I charge to 200 joules and over a few milliseconds deliver enough electricity to operate a lightbulb for long enough to read this post. The firefighters show up and take over CPR, freeing me to suction the airway and drill into his bone to push medications. We're lucky; he's young. His heart bounces back after the first shock and he starts trying to breathe on his own a few minutes later. When we roll him out the front door he has a breathing tube, gastric suction tube, and multiple medications running in. We're more than just "ambulance drivers" and I am not a firefighter. For the first time in weeks I feel like I match what my job title is: Paramedic.

A few weeks later I follow up, our patient is discharged home with advice to "take it easy," which is about the best outcome you can hope for. Most of my patients that are dead when I show up stay dead. This man had a lot going for him. He got CPR early, too few do. It took me hours to finish documenting my care, but unlike the last time, I'll sleep well after I do.

Have fun storming the castle,

-Il Guanaco

Dear Optimistic.,

You're welcome.

-Olympus

Dear Optimistic.,

SUNDAY
8:00 - The Leftovers
9:00 - Mad Men
10:00 - The Wire

MONDAY
8:00 - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
8:30 - Nathan For You
9:00 - Seinfeld
9:30 - Curb Your Enthusiasm
10:00 - BoJack Horseman
10:30 - Rick and Morty

TUESDAY
8:00 - The West Wing
9:00 - M*A*S*H
9:30 - Cheers
10:00 - The Muppet Show
10:30 - At The Movies

WEDNESDAY
8:00 - Breaking Bad
9:00 - Game of Thrones
10:00 - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
10:30 - The Colbert Report

THURSDAY
8:00 - The Office (USA)
8:30 - Flight of the Conchords
9:00 - The Simpsons
9:30 - Community
10:00 - Arrested Development
10:30 - 30 Rock

FRIDAY
8:00 - Going Deep with David Rees
8:30 - Jeopardy!
9:00 - The Great British Bake Off
10:00 - Chopped

SATURDAY
8:00 - Bob's Burgers
8:30 - The Good Place
9:00 - Parks and Recreation
9:30 - Saturday Night Live

-Art Vandelay