Dear Mischief Maker,

According to the Internet, you can eat catnip (duh), Spider plant, mint, lemongrass, parsley, rosemary, thyme, wheatgrass, valerian, licorice root, oat grass, barley grass, honeysuckle, silver vine, bean sprouts (in small amounts), basil, dill, roses, zinnias, gerber daisies, sunflowers, and snapdragons. 

Just don't forget to eats your meats because cats are carnivores and you need a healthy amount of protein. 

If you're ever concerned about whether or not you can eat something, don't eat it. Most flowers are off limits, most herbs are okay. Stay hypothetically healthy, non-cat. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear Everybody Wants To Be A Cat,

Excellent answer by Guesthouse. I just wanted to say that I first read this question after a long night of homework and was legitimately confused as to what it was asking, and whether or not the asker was a person or cat. That is all.

Tipperary

Dear master,

I accept this challenge. For now I too must taste the True Mallow. But it'll take me a minute, and I've held to its dream too long, whilst trying to do far too much elsewhere. Like stopping a question that mastered the Board long ago from growing appreciably stronger...

Guesthouse has done some capital work, and to deprive you of that sleuthing would be a shame indeed.

Stymied for now,

--Ardilla Feroz

Dear Elrararara, 

The easiest way to accomplish this would be to buy them online, but I looked a lot of places and honestly couldn't really find any. I haven't checked anywhere like bakeries or that kind of thing, which is a place that you may be able to find some. But no one on the interwebs seems to be selling genuine marshmallow root marshmallows. Maybe they don't ship well? Or maybe everyone is lazy and just wants to settle for the sugar/gelatine version. 

Fear not, Board Ancestor. You can buy the root, root powder, or even just the plant. If you do choose to grow your own plant instead of just purchasing the root or powder, this website seemed to be a good source for help. It needs moisture and sun, like lots of plants do, obviously. 

Once you buy one of those things, you'll need a recipe. This person (who seems to be a very smart food-sciency person) used marshmallow root powder in their quest and explained the process they took and the science behind it. You may be interested in learning as much as possible by reading that whole article and the extra links involved. Recipe included, of course. This website has 2 other recipes as well. 

I hope you succeed and get to taste the sweet stickiness of a proper marshmallow at the end. Good luck! 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

Dear friend,

First off, your bishop is a despicable man (Anyone who's offended at this, read through this question again and ask yourself if this is an appropriate word for a person in power threatening to expel someone from college simply because that someone isn't going to their congregation but instead attending someone else's congregation due to mental health issues). Technically yes, you can be not-endorsed if your bishop decides he doesn't want to endorse you. There are (sad but true) accounts of bishops threatening to or actually pulling endorsements of married women attending BYU because "they should be more focused on their family." The good news is you can protest this and you have every right to. According to the honor code, when it comes to church attendance you simply must "participate regularly in church services." It never says which ward you have to attend, thus you are completely following the honor code. If I was in your shoes, I would take these actions:

1. Bring a copy of the honor code to your bishop. Show him that it doesn't specify which ward you need to attend. Remind him that he's been in contact with your last bishop who has informed him that you're attending weekly church and church activities (Actually you can skip this step if you think it'll be too stressful, and he already knows you're attending church each week).
2. Tell your last bishop that your current bishop is threatening to take away your endorsement. Ask for his help to bring this up to the stake.
3. Bring it up to the stake.
4. If your bishop still refuses to move (or if the stake doesn't help, which they really should because again you are keeping the honor code), then follow the instructions BYU gives: "The decision to withdraw an ecclesiastical endorsement or to deny a Continuing Student Ecclesiastical Endorsement may be appealed through appropriate ecclesiastical leaders only. As a matter of practice, BYU does not intervene in ecclesiastical matters or endorsements. However, a student may petition the Dean of Students Office to allow an exception to the ecclesiastical endorsement requirement. As part of the petition, the student must (i) complete an Application for Exception to Policy (this form may be obtained from the Dean of Students Office); (ii) prepare a written statement outlining the reasons why the university should allow an exception; and (iii) within ten business days of receiving notice that the ecclesiastical endorsement has been withdrawn or that a Continuing Student Ecclesiastical Endorsement has been denied, submit the completed application and relevant statements to the Dean of Students Office for consideration."
5. To avoid future problems, get an appointment with BYU's counseling services (CAPS). Not only will this be good for you (I visited with a counselor during my time at BYU and it really helped), but you can use this as a reason you need to attend the other ward ("My therapist says I need to attend this other ward.") Try to get your endorsement from counselors, and not the bishop, because counselors tend to have a less inflated view of themselves and they aren't all on a power trip like your bishop seems to be.

I was debating if I should get on my soapbox about how it's only men who have power in the church and they frequently ignore or dismiss women and minority concerns which can have a life altering impact on these people, and Alta told me to "DO IT" so here I go. It is absolutely corruptive and harmful to let only one gender - and one individual - have the ultimate power of whether individuals can attend school or go to the temple and receive exalting ordinances. I can't express how painful and damaging this is. This applies not only to women but people of color, people with health problems, people struggling with their mental health, and so many more. I'll leave it at that because I can't possibly express just how sad and upset and weary I am of this system, and most people don't seem to understand why it's a problem and it's getting tiring screaming into the void.

Friend, best of luck. While your bishop can (and may) take away your endorsement, I can assure you it won't last and you'll stay at BYU. It may require talking to the stake (if you read the article linked to "people with health problems" you'll see that's what Mandi had to do) or to the Dean of Students Office, but you're following the honor code and your bishop has no right to deny you your endorsement. So breath a bit easier because everything will work out fine.

-guppy of doom

Dear Curious,

• Bigfoot. According to LDS folklore, Cain is Bigfoot, though Fair Mormon takes all the fun out of that claim. However, there have been two sightings of Bigfoot in Provo Canyon. Cain searching for the true church, or just our big-footed furry friend? You decide!
• Evil spirits. Who hasn't heard about casting out evil spirits before, especially by missionaries?
• Evil spirits of Gadianton robbers in Utah. You heard me right. In a talk in 1861, Brigham Young said, “There are scores of spirits here, spirits of the old Gadianton robbers, some of whom inhabited these mountains…There are millions of these spirits in the mountains, and they are ready to make us covetous.” Maybe Cain and the Gadianton robber spirits are working together...
• Aliens. Brigham Young said people lived on the sun and moon, so... aliens.
• Possibly genies/jinn. I mean, some people claim the Three Nephites can appear and vanish without a trace, give sage advice, and basically grant wishes. 

• The Bear Lake Monster. Seen near Bear Lake on the border between Utah and Idaho. Looks like a serpent (so...a Utah Loch Ness Monster?). Apparently church leaders got interested in this monster, and many of them began to believe in the monster as well. Deseret News actually published articles defending the monster, while other newspapers pushed back, including the Salt Lake Tribune who published that the Bear Lake Monster was “twin brother to the devil and cousin to Brigham [Young]". As stories/sightings of water monsters in Idaho and Utah spread, Brigham Young actually visited some sites and sent rope to Paris, Idaho to help capture the monster. Eventually, the man who started all the rumors admitted it was a lie and he had never seen the monster in the first place. The locals have used all the rumors (and the most recent sighting in 2002) for tourism and jokes, such as filling a float in the their parade with local children and calling it "The Real Bear Lake Monsters."
• UFOs. 'Nuf said.
• Skinwalkers. There's a ranch in Utah that had bizarre things happening (UFO sightings, things moving around, animals found dead, giant bulletproof wolves, etc.) which has been the topic of books, a wikipedia article, and a movie.
• Evil hobbits? Apparently they kept the ring of power and formed their own community in Sugarhouse in Utah. While ultimately not true, it's an entertaining story.
• Alien eggs that, sadly, apparently turned out to just be an art project.
• The following come from this site: The Devil's Highway, or Highway 666 (you can guess the stories); voodoo caves that drown people; John Baptiste, the ghost of Salt Lake; and haunted government buildings. All fun ghost stories you can tell around the campfire.

Dear Explorer,

This won't be nearly as fun as guppy's answer, but doctrinally, we do believe that Satan has power, and that the spirits which followed him have power. Thus they have power to do some pretty monstrous things, and imbue humans with power to do monstrous things. We also believe that the location of the spirit world is Earth, and that after people die, their spirits can still have influence on the living. That leaves the door open for people to persist in doing bad things to people still in mortality after they've died.

All of this is to say there's room for some supernatural occurrences in the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

~Anathema 

Dear creative bee,

The Multimedia Lab in the fourth floor Media Center of the Harold B. Lee Library has everything you'll need: computers with Adobe Creative Cloud and more importantly, some seriously helpful staff who are happy to help you learn how to make your invitation.

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz

Dear you,

Alice is a biological woman. I've read about a million (well, ten) movie reviews and tried googling various versions of "Möbius Alice transgender" and found nothing to hint that Alice was anything but a biological woman. So if the directors meant to secretly reveal that Alice was a transgender woman, they got the "secret" part right on.

I didn't watch the movie so I can't respond to your P.P.P.S. but maybe one of the other writers will?

-guppy of doom

Dear AcidCat, 

Disney offers products and experiences that people love. They're engrained in the fiber of American identity. Their brand is indestructible because they have embedded themselves in the childhoods of essentially every person in this country, and really, the world. People are OBSESSED with Disney, and they run on this success. 

That being said, any time a company monopolizes an industry, you should be worried. Disney makes family friendly content and most people's mental image of Disney as an entity is nothing but smiles and nostalgia. But Disney is a company, and they will capitalize on anything that will make them more money. They will continue to buy out other media entities as long as they can. I think a lot of the people that work for Disney do so because they like seeing people smile and giving them a happy experience. I think people really do love Disney, and that is a good thing. We need things like this in the world to make people happy. But at the end of the day, it's still all part of consumer culture, and the acquisition of all these sub-companies is for capital gain. 

The monopolization of the industry isn't a good thing. It never is. Disney is now not only indestructible because of their loyal fanbase, but because they have so much control no one can really fight back with any sort of power. Disney is so big, they have access to anything they want. They can afford lawyers to stomp out anyone that potentially comes up as a threat. Individuals and small companies just don't have the oompf necessary to make a dent in their influence. And, given our current governmental situation, I really don't think there is anything anyone can (or will) do to stop them. The only thing that really could do it would be some modernized anti-trust laws. 

I'd definitely embrace the inevitability of the Mickey Regime. Maybe it won't be a bad thing? I'd be 0% surprised if somehow Disney found a way to run Congress. Then again, don't they already? 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse 

Dear Mousy Boi,

What if I told you that the Disney takeover is already in place. That's right folks, soon we will be welcoming our animated overlords. How do I know? Because spies from the inside have been sending out secret messages through their films. Which films? None other than the Star Wars Prequels.

Think about it, acquiring Lucas Films was one of the key acquisitions. Those at Lucas films knew about balance in the force and the evil potential of an intergalactic empire so they warned us. The political plot of the prequels is actually the equivalent of Rebel Spies sneaking us the plans to the Death Star with the hope that we can stop the Empire before it is too late.

Palpatine's plan was simple but devious. He was playing both sides all along. He orchestrated the Separatists movement, the Clone Wars, Order 66, and Anakin's betrayal of the Jedi. The purpose of this wasn't to take the galazy by force. It was all a smokescreen to create tension, division, and tension. By creating so much chaos and positioning himself as the solution he got the galaxy to hand over control to him. To quote Senitor Padme Amidala "So this is how democracy dies? With thunderous applause?"

What doe this have to do with politics? Well, the first part of Disney's plan is to position itself in a position of trust and power. Everyone loves Disney and Marvel. Check. Step two is to create chaos. This is where the acquisition of Fox is really important. Not only does Disney have a significant entertainment influence, but now it has news influence as well. As we know the media has contributed to heightened political division and distrust. The time is coming near.

This is where we have to abandon the world of Star Wars and turn to Marvel. Our most recent warning comes from announcements that Skrulls will play a larger part in the upcoming Marvel Universe. Skrulls are alien shapeshifters that in the comic books have infiltrated the government, S.H.I.E.L.D and even the Avengers. Disney has already infiltrated the government. Their plan will soon be put into action. Wake up people! We must be prepared. My sources have informed me that the next part of the plan is-----

.

.

.

.

Dear Mouse,

We are coming for you.

Prepare to be assimilated.

Love,

Luciana

P.S. I thoroughly object to the Hitler comparison and you can fight me if you think Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm hasn’t been beneficial for the franchise. Have you seen the hype for Galaxy’s Edge??

P.P.S. I’m totally cool with it as long as they give me a raise.

Dear remember,

At this time I will share two Disney-related quotes from a film professor I adore.

"If we think Disney movies are God, they're not."

And, somewhat more tongue-in-cheek:

"The register rings at Disney and Satan howls below in glee, it's all very connected, I assure you."

Somewhat.

--Ardilla Feroz

Dear Problems,

This is, in fact, quite a difficult math problem. It's the kind of problem that requires a huge data set of thousands if not millions of women health and pregnancy records, ideally linked with genealogy. If I had such a data set, I could make a machine learning (artificial intelligence) model to come up with a probability for your individual chances of running into complications (though for that model, I'd probably definitely want a complete record of your medical history, along with the medical records of all your female blood relatives). And right now I can't say how reliable this hypothetical model would be. It could be terrible, for all I know.

As it turns out, this is the kind of problem an entire company could be devoted to solving. One such company is Owlet Baby Care, but they focus on using live data to detect current health complications for babies. Owlet is expanding to make devices for pregnant mothers to wear to detect complications during pregnancy, but don't have FDA approval to sell those yet. 

So, in the end I just don't have enough information to give you a really good individualized statistic. Even if I weren't to build an AI, and just give an educated guess, I would need more than you saying your doctor put your odds at greater than 50%. Most likely your doctor already took into account your age and a whole bunch of other factors I don't know about you in giving that particular statistic, so there's a high chance of me double counting factors in designing my own estimate. The most I can tell you is that if your chances of developing pre-eclampsia are over 50%, your chances of developing any complications are statistically significantly higher than that.

~Anathema

Dear No Earrings, 

Hey that's me too! I've used converters and they don't work. They stick out funny. They put a lot of pressure on the lobes and hurt by the end of the day because they're too tight. The only good 'substitute' I have seen so far is buying properly made clip-ons (I have some really nice heirloom ones, but I've found some nice ones on Amazon, Icing, and Claire's)

Another great substitute is MAGNETICS. I have this really nice pair of pearls that my grandparents gave me for my birthday, and I think I'm going to get them properly mounted on some magnets. Magnetic earrings can also end up hurting your ears a little bit by the end of the day, but I've enjoyed the magnets more than any other solution in the past. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse