You guys. Some of you are reading this because you're pretty sure that I'm the meanest person in the whole world, and you think that I'll say something to that effect in my bio. Maybe I'll give an elaborate backstory to justify my nasty quips and stern rebukes for people who don't check the archives and re-ask frequently asked questions.

Well, I'm not going to do that. It turns out that I'm actually a pretty nice guy who doesn't hide behind secondary nyms and speaks his mind instead of coddling readers. That's not to say I don't care about you—on the contrary, I've devoted many, many hours of time on this site trying to help readers with their divers problems. But I am a supporter of people also helping themselves, and when the answer to their precise question is addressed in the archives with a quick, easy search, I am always there to come down hard.

So, if you think I'm mean—I'm sorry. I hope you'll change your mind. If you think that when I call people doodoobrains or dunderheads or doofwads or goobersnots that I'm being completely serious and harsh, then...well, I hope you learn how to detect facetiousness a little better as you continue reading.

Also, since I think this needs some biographical information, I'll say that I'm a dude and Rating Pending and Foreman are my two favorite writers, past and present.