"If it's causing you more stress than it's worth... it's not worth it." - Yellow
Question #22926 posted on 02/08/2006 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What happens to us common readers who finally uncover your true identities........?

- *Serendipity*

A: Dear Serendipity,

You spontaneously combust within 48 hours. Sorry about that.

Quandary
A: Dear That One Movie I saw that one time,

Usually you are just brought out into the street and shot. Sorry for your luck, bucko. Well I hope you have everything already in order. Please don't hate me.

-- Brutus
A: Dear Serendipity,

Actually, it's impossible. The way the Board works just simply doesn't allow for a situation like that to occur. A few have tried (Board Question #2349 and Board Question #9353 for example), but none have succeeded. Not even close, really.

See, in actuality, we have a certain number of female and male pseudonyms at any given time. In order to avoid readers figuring out who's who, we rotate the nyms that each of us is using on a weekly basis. Obviously if you're a male you can only rotate through the male nyms and females through the female ones but it does give us a variety of names none the less. Each Saturday the editor emails us individually and tells us which pseudonym we will be using starting the next Monday.

If (and I mean IF ) someone, somehow did get ahold of the master list and figured out all of the aliases, we do have emergency procedures set in place. When something as serious as this occurs, all of the current writers carpool up to the Uintas to pick new names for ourselves (Board Question #8960) and we begin the rotations again. That's why each of us has a can of alphabet soup on hand at all times. Occasionally we even have drills to make sure we all know where to meet and what to do.

Don't worry. It won't happen. Ever. We're always at least one step ahead of you.

- Lavish

P.S. I guess I can tell you that last week I was Nike.
A: Dear *Serendipity*,

Two words for you: you get eaten by the tunnel worms.

...

- Optimistic.
A: Dear Everyone:

DANG I knew someone was following me the other day!


Mojoschmoe
A: Dear Serendipity,

For me, that has never yet happened, although I give clues about who I am in nearly every response I've ever given.

All the same, I have the fanciful romantic ideas of the superheroine who only allows her true identity to be known to the man of her dreams.

Still dreaming; no one knows yet.

Some day my prince will come, in the Millenium! (-Mom's best friend)

Lady Last Line

PS. If you do ever figure it out, let me know... *swat, swat, swat* Thirty whacks with a wet noodle, and depending upon a number of factors, possibly a kiss!
A: Dear Serendipity,

Sometimes they let you join them. ;)

- Katya
A: Dear Lavish,

I think I'm having an identity crisis...and somebody stole my can!

Nike
A: Dear Serendipity,

There are two cases. In the first case, the person finding out is abducted, taken to the 12 floor of the SWKT to the "Psychology" lab (why do you think you need a key for the elevator to go there? heh heh heh) and the brainwashing ensues. This is the preferred method, although sometimes they have been known to either overdo the thing, or underdo it, if you catch my drift. For example, the person can end up forgetting their name and identity, and end up only remembering what they had for breakfast and the random facts they memorized for their American Heritage test, or they end up not forgetting nearly enough and we need to move on to case two.

Case two: the identified board writer and the indentifier are subject to a Mr and Mrs. Smith-esque elimination duel. One must eliminate the other. In some rare cases, the indentifier can then take the place of the now eliminated-formerly-identified writer. Heck, how do you think I got onto the Board?

Have Fun Storming the Castle,
-Il Guanaco