"My brother is too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was only imminent." -Niles Crane
Question #32 posted on 09/11/2003 midnight
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
What happens to matter if you try to use magnetic fields to agitate matter to the point of photonic energy, transmit it to a light stopping chamber and then try to slow down the matter and recombine it as the base element that it started off as? Would that allow you to teleport matter??
- Just a thought

A: Dear Thinking Too Much,
Here is the brief answer to your question. In the words of Calvin (the cartoon, not the reformist), "scientific progress goes 'boink'". I think you are making it much more difficult than it needs to be! All you need to do is take the transmogrifier, turn it upside down, and write "teleporter" on it and climb in! Set the dial to wherever you want to teleport to and "boink!" You're there! Don't forget your goggles.
-Scruffy