The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
If you could be any type of vegetable (or fruit), what would you be? Yeah, I'm pretty much basing this off VeggieTales.

- A beautiful, young asparagus

A: Dear Asparagus,

Probably a strawberry. Maybe an ear of corn.

- FCSM
A: Dear Asparagus,

Vegetable? We wouldn't be any type of vegetable, we don't do anything.

-the pirates (who don't do anything)
A: Dear A beautiful, young asparagus,

Um, a grape?

-Pa Grape
A: Dear Aspiring Asparagus,

I would have to be a partially shucked ear of corn, because the individual kernals greatly resemble my abs.

- Mighty Quinn
A: Dear Asparagi,

I'd be . . . a banana, covered in yogurt, next to some grapes, all of us wearing molten peanut butter. Mmmm.

Else I'd be a kiwi, cause they're both sweet and sharp. Oh wait. They're kinda small and brown and furry, too. Shoot.

--Ambrosia