No man is defeated without until he has first been defeated within. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Question #41468 posted on 12/14/2007 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

So serious question here. I am pretty much sure my brother looks at bad stuff on the internet. Like bad. Anways, the history of it all is he had a hard time growing up. He kinda fell away from the church and went his own way. This past spring he came back and went through the temple. But this summer I saw the search terms used on and such. Only him and I use that computer, ever. So its not ya. Also, whenever I would come home earlier then he thought,he would get mad if I walked into the computer room without knocking first. Basically, its a pretty sure thing. So I figured I could let it go and let him work it out. Its his sin ya know? Anways, now he's engaged to a wonderful good girl. They are getting married in the temple this month. I just am worried about if he has an addiction how it could effect her, him, and their future family. Should I be worried about this? or just let it go and hope he works it out.


A: Dear,

I agree with your first conclusion--it's his problem, let him work it out. If he's come back and made himself temple worthy, he's probably been in close communication with his bishop, and even if he's had a relapse, he knows where to go to get help. I expect his bishop has also counseled with him on how his battle with his addiction can work within a marriage. I'd guess his fiancee's got a good idea of what's going on.

Yes, pornography is a terrible and heartbreaking problem, and it can have a huge effect on a whole family. I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of the situation. But I do feel strongly that it's not the sister's duty to ensure the happiness of her brother's future family. You'll have enough to worry enough with your own life. Be there for support if he asks for it, but until he does, let it be a matter between him, his wife, and the Lord. No one wants their dirty laundry hung out for everyone to see, and most people prefer to work out their shortcomings a little more privately. I say just let it go and hopes he works it out. You can't live his life for him, and make all good choices, you have to let him do it himself, even when he sometimes screws up.

If you're still worried, I'd recommend you chat with your bishop, yourself. He'll have better advice for you than we will, and it's nice to hear things from a more authoritative source.

-songs of inexperience