I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third. -Michael Scott, The Office
Question #45420 posted on 06/06/2008 3:01 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

So I am at home with the family this summer, and we are having an alarmingly high incidence rate of dead car batteries (even ones we replaced months before). However, this is only happening to the car we park in the garage (we rotate regularly). While I will chock this up to coincidence and I am calling our garage the Bermuda triangle of cars, I was curious if the writers could come up with some outlandish explanations for this phenomenon.

-Lives over the garage

A: Dear garage sale,

It was a dark and stormy night. From your room above the garage the howling of the wind and the sporadic spattering of the rain against your window kept you awake. Staring at the ghostly shadows cast on your ceiling by the swaying trees, you thought how appropriate the weather was for the foreboding feelings that had crept into your heart. Something was not right at your house.

Your father had been acting strangely ever since you returned home for the summer. His normally cheery personality was gone; instead he seemed distracted and tense, often muttering to himself. He was rarely at home in the evenings and had taken an unusual amount of vacation days, coming home dirty and exhausted. He nearly became violent with rage when your mother pleaded with him to know what was going on, and you all soon learned not to speak of it. But ignoring it didn't relieve the tension. You had to find out what was happening.

A flash of lightning drew your gaze to the window, where the cars outside brought your thoughts to the odd events of recent days. Every car that had been parked in your garage had a dead battery within days. It was too much to be coincidence, and your gut told you it had something to do with your father.

Another flash illuminated the yard, but this time it wasn't lightning. It had come from the garage below! As you sat, completely still and breathless, a tremendous roar echoed upwards, unlike anything you had ever heard. It lingered in the air for only a second before a cacophony of crashing and banging jolted you to your feet. Before you could change your mind you were downstairs, yanking open the garage door to see... nothing.

At first it was hard to understand. There was your car, just as you had parked it, sitting in the darkness. All was silent again. You began to wonder if you were going crazy. But you knew you didn't imagine that sound. Looking frantically for any kind of clue, you noticed that the car's hood was opened slightly. You flipped on the lights to see a cord of black and red snaking its way out from the engine compartment and disappearing into the corner of the garage. Jumper cables!

You rushed to the corner of the garage where the pile of junk normally occupying the space had been carefully removed, revealing a cleverly concealed trap door through which the cables disappeared. Wondering how you could have missed this growing up, the horrible crashing noises began again and spurred you to action. With great effort your opened the trap door and rushed down the wooden stairs.

The room was surprisingly large, lit by a single bare light bulb in the wall. Along the left was a workbench strewn with broken glass and twisted metal. But this was not what drew your gaze. In the rear of the room was your father, pinned against the wall by a giant creature. It looked human, but you knew instinctually it couldn't be. The proportions were all wrong, the legs too short, the arms too big. What had your father created? Hearing your entrance the creature turned its head.

You had to think fast. You grabbed a beaker, miraculously unbroken, and hurled it at the creature's feet hoping to distract it enough to save your father. The shattering glass had its effect and your father slumped to the floor. The creature turned and lumbered toward you. That's when you noticed the jumper cables. How could you forget? They were attached to the ceiling until dropping down to connect to small metal nodules jutting hideously from the creatures neck.

With a roar the creature lunged toward you clumsily. You attempted to sidestep the attack but were unable to avoid the muscular arm which clipped you, spinning you to the ground. The creature, in its confusion, had fallen forward onto the stairs and was dazed by the shock. Ignoring the pain from the collision, you took the opportunity. Jumping on the creature's back, you grabbed the jumper cable clips from each side of its monstrous neck and ripped them off, severing the flow of vital electricity to the failed experiment forever.

Standing quickly you watched as the body slowly slumped to the floor, dead -- for what you assumed to be the second time.

You rushed to your father who was now regaining consciousness. He looked horrified, knowing that you had seen his unholy creation. You helped him to his feet and supported him as you crossed the room. Pushing the carcass aside, you made it to the top of the stairs when you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder. You had just enough time to see the syringe in your father's hand before the world faded from view...

"What a lousy night's sleep I got," you thought to yourself as you got up this morning to go to work. "It must have been that crazy rainstorm. Dang it, the battery is dead again! Why does that keep happening?"

-=Optimus Prime=-