"In my defense... I saw 'Bring It On'..." -Anonymous Board Writer
Question #5397 posted on 05/01/2004 12:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What's the law with regard to killing a federally protected endangered animal out of self-defense?


A: Dear Liningson-

I know you smote that desert tortise willfully and malicously. There's no truth to any claim to the contrary. If the animal had been capable of doing you harm and attempted to do so, you would be in the clear.

-The Franchise
A: Dear Liningson,
The Franchise is right. No sane person is going to blame you if a tiger is running you down and you manage to kill it. Okay, maybe PETA might holler, but they don't count as sane people. I'm not sure they count as people, either. Maybe that's why they're insistent about animal rights: because as soon as everyone else realizes that PETA supporters have the intellect of a cow, they'll start treating them like one.