"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Question #56726 posted on 03/24/2010 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the least a 6'1" male could weigh and remain alive and unconnected to machinery? loss of legs, arms, etc. is acceptable, while loss of heart or brain is obviously not.

-Fatty McButterpants

A: Dear Fatty McButterpants,

Well, for a starting weight, anything below a BMI of 16 is considered to be very dangerous and anything above 18.5 is merely underweight, so that puts us in the range of 121-140 lbs.

According to some ultra-reliable sources, each leg accounts for 9-10% of the total body weight. If our poor starved man were deprived of his legs, that takes his weight to 96.8-114.8 lbs.

According to the same sources, each arm equals about 6.5% of the total body weight. After lopping off the arms, our range is 81.1-96.6 lbs.

Next we're going to remove some organs, namely one lung (1.17 lb.), one kidney (.28 lb.), one lobe of the liver (1.21 lb.), the gallbladder (.08 lb.), the testes (.06 lb. x 2), and a foot of bowel (4.5 lb.). (All of my organ weight estimates come from here.) You can safely have any one of these removed, and assuming you can have all of them removed, that takes our mutilated friend down to 73.74-89.24 lbs.

Now we're going to rearrange his face. If we take his hair, external ears, eyes, nose, tongue, and teeth (he can still stay alive on a liquid diet without a machine), he loses about another pound. Skin weighs about 2.5 lbs. per square foot, and we have about 22 square feet of it. I'm assuming that after our facial reconstructions, we might be able to save ourselves about half a square foot, which is another 1.25 lbs. His weight range is now 71.49-86.99 lbs.

And that's about all she wrote. I suppose we could do complicated surgery to remove some muscles, brain tissue, and bones like the coccyx, but at this point, that just seems cruel. With that, I'm going to lock in my final answer at around 79 pounds.

Poor guy.

- The Black Sheep