Although the tongue weighs very little, very few people are able to hold it. -Anonymous
Question #65747 posted on 12/10/2011 1:58 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

You are studying in the HBLL library. Utterly alone in the southwest corner of the fifth floor when, to your shock, intrigue and slight annoyance gravity shifts ninety degrees and you are pulled haplessly against the West side of the building. West, it would inexplicably seem, is the new "down" and east is the new "up."

After your shock wears off, you realize you have not been crushed by any of the millions of the dusty old volumes enshrined in the library's depths you once learned were dedicated to some mystical being named "NOLLIJ." You soon realize this is because only your gravity has changed, as if your life had become some overly verbose and absurdly far-fetched hypothetical situation. You decide not to question it, as you then notice the windows to the library appear to be coated in what appears to be a thick and impervious layer of jelly--raspberry, to be precise. You also realize any object you would be able to lift or wield on a normal day align themselves to your direction of gravity. Convenient.

How do you choose to escape the dusty half-turvy confines of the HBLL and successfully escape out of the east entrance to the atrium?

A:

Dear the enemy's gate is down,

I choose not to escape the HBLL. Given that my gravity has been altered and I'm now going to fall perpetually west until I hit an obstacle (e.g. the library I just got out of, the JFSB, and then the mountains on the west of the valley), going outside actually sounds like a pretty terrible idea.

Instead, I choose to summon assistance within the library and remain there until I've received assistance from science-y people who could either fix my gravity or assist me in safely removing myself from the library. If I get hungry, I can eat raspberry jelly.

If I did decide to leave the library for some reason, I would go about it in an epic fashion befitting a Board writer. 

First, I would call my handy roommate Ampersand and have her bring me some rope. There were several places in my trip through the library where I used rope anchored around something to swing across a 'chasm.'

Anyways, here we go.

So, one day, I'm sitting in the HBLL, studying for my Board 128 final.

before gravity.jpg

All of the sudden...

WoahGravityShiftedbetter.png

Woah! Gravity has suddenly shifted, and I am being pulled against the wall! At this point, I walk/crawl along the west wall (the new floor) as far as I can. I use the rope (including my purse as a primitive grappling hook) to pull myself up when I come to the short "vertical" walls.

 Legitclimbing.jpg

I have helpfully used my highly legitimate photo-editing skills so you can see the rope (which was actually dark green yarn).

I make death defying leaps across other divides.

Then, I would climb up the sides of the bookcases or just climb through them, using the handy stools when necessary. More grappling and climbing/swinging on my rope would ensue.

Eventually, I would arrive at the stairwell. Now, the stairs that are going down facing west I can't use, so I climb down the actual railing (which has helpful bars that look and would act a lot like steps). I'd be hanging when I reached the turnaround in the staircase, so I'd have to pull myself up.

The stairs that are facing east would still be stairs, just rather steeper stairs.

 janxjanxjanx.jpg

At that point, I'd be on the main floor, where I'd continue to grapple, climb, crawl, and walk my way out of the east door of the library. Really, though, it'd be quite difficult.

I'd like to give a shout out to my roommates Ampersand and M, and my friend Lobster for their assistance in photo-taking, advice, and equipment acquiring. 

Also, when you see people lying on the floor in the library in weird positions with a gift bag on their head, they may have a very legitimate reason. 

~Anne, Certainly

A:

Dear you,

Since gravity is pulling you "west", it seems like if you get to the summit of a tall mountain and jump off, you'll actually start orbiting the earth at low altitude.  You'll keep flying west until your gravity changes or you somehow hit something.  This is obviously what I would attempt to do.  I mean, who wouldn't want to be the Man who Fell Sideways?

-Architect