"I don't mind stalkers. As long as they're socially-responsible stalkers." - Yellow
Question #66772 posted on 03/08/2012 12:46 p.m.
Q:

Dear Genuine Article,

What did Art Vandelay do that made you want to punish him in Board Question #66715?

-I'll answer questions for a week!

A:

Dear You will?!,

What did Art Vandelay do that made me want to punish him? I'll tell you what Art Vandelay did that made me want to punish him!

Last week I was walking home and I saw Art up ahead, waiting at a crosswalk. Next to him was a little old lady with a crocheted shawl and a walker. I waved. Art saw me and waved back. I hurried to catch up to him. Then, before I could stop him, Art picked the little old lady up over his head and threw her into the intersection. Flailing and screaming, she sailed through the windshield of a school bus full of impressionable children on their way to a petting zoo. Her shawl-covered shoulders twitched once, twice, and then sagged as the life went out of her frail frame. Sirens began to sound in the distance.

In disbelief, I turned to Art, bent over and slapping his knees, laughing so hard he was crying. Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes he straightened up, sighed a contented sigh, and said, "I'm sorry, when I saw that bus coming I just couldn't resist." Enraged, I shouted, "How could you do that? You knew full well it was my turn!"

-Genuine Article