Dear 100 Hour Board,
So Toasteroven has a list of 18 things to discuss before marriage (July 26th board). I'd be interested in seeing this list. Do any of you guys have similar lists? Lists given to you by professors are best, but if you've written up your own lists, those would be helpful to look at as well.
Some of these there aren't necessarily "right" or "wrong" answers, either. They are simply things that may bother you.
1. What is your relationship like with the Savior? Tell me about it.
2. How often do you study the scriptures? How long has it been or not been a habit? What's something good you've learned recently that's made a difference to you?
3. What was your family life like at home? Did you have Family Home Evening? Do you plan on having it when you're married even if there are no children around?
4. How do you feel about children? When are you thinking we should have the first? How long (or short) are you willing to wait? How many would you like to have?
5. What attitude would you have towards your spouse being called as Bishop, or Stake President, or Young Women's President?
6. Would you mind it if your husband had a job as a teacher or (fill in the blank job you desire)? What is your attitude towards money? How do you usually spend your money?
7. What are your feelings about sex? What do you feel it is for? What are your feelings about birth control?
8. Are you willing to be someone who starts (or continues) difficult traditions, such as studying scriptures and praying together each day?
9. Do you wish to work when you have children? How much, and what kind of work?
(I put what kind of work because it may be Avon, Tupperware, piano-teaching, or some other stay-at-home work)
10. What weaknesses do you feel you have? How are you working on them? Would you want my help with them? Why or why not?
11. What weaknesses do you feel I have?
How should I work on them? Do you feel you should help me with them?
12. Are political ideologies important to you? How would you handle it if I was very different in ideas and attitudes about political about political, social, and economic issues?
(This matters little to me, but I'd better make sure there's no huge deal to anyone else, either.)
13. What are some callings you've had? How did they go?
14. What do you usually do on the Sabbath? What is okay and not okay for you? Movies, etc.?
15. Do you pay tithing on your gross or net income? How would you feel if I was different in how I wish to pay them and other offerings?
(I'm all about getting gross blessings instead of net, myself.)
16. What do you want? Why? Take as long as you need to in order to make sure you know all of it.
17. What else, if anything, is important and a high priority to you in a relationship?
There you go.
16 can take days, or even weeks sometimes.
She passed with flying colors! We're doing quite well right now.
I once took a marriage prep class and we read a book called Finding the Love of Your Life. I quite like the list in there, although I seem to have misplaced my book in the moves I've made over the past two years. I even have two friends who discussed the items in the list as part of an assignment for that class with someone they were only beginning to be interested in and were married to that person by the end of the year.
-The Grad Student