Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. -Tobias Smollett
Question #70524 posted on 01/16/2013 10:58 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Where is the line between complaining about dating at BYU/in the broader Mormon culture and discussing dating at BYU/in the broader Mormon culture?

-Warmonger...or Problem Solver


Dear Warmonger,

As far as I'm concerned, as long as you are making an active effort to make your dating life the best it can be, you are justified in whatever you say about dating culture, unless it is hypocritical or you feel like you are creating a negative, complain-y feeling by what you say or how you're saying it. Kind of like the difference between Aragorn's attitude before the battle of Helm's Deep and Legolas' attitude; just because the situation is completely hopeless and you're probably going to die before achieving any measure of success doesn't mean you have to say it in a way that depresses everyone.

If you're not trying to date, but you genuinely don't want or need to date, then it's all discussion unless you feel like you're creating that negative vibe, or if you're being blindly judgmental instead of thoughtfully critical. Married people are the main constituents of this category, but single people can also have legitimate reasons to have no intentions to date for the moment. Like people with mission calls. Or Frodo after he returns from Mordor and is still haunted by his experiences.

If you're not actually trying to date, but you want to date (even if you say you don't), it pretty much all counts as complaining (unless your conversation focuses on how you can start trying in the most effective manner possible). An example of complaining would be Sam at Bilbo's birthday party or in the tavern when the other hobbit is flirting with Rosie. However, you might have a legitimate and truly outstanding reason for not currently trying despite your desire to date, like if you're on a perilous journey to destroy the One Ring and you're just talking about it to have something to think about other than how tired you are of lembas bread, in which case, it can count as just a discussion. However, such exceptions are obviously rare.

-Zedability should maybe stop answering Board questions late at night