That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. - Henry David Thoreau
Question #77078 posted on 04/04/2014 7:14 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can we get an alumni version of Board Question 69694? Basically, write an answer as another writer. Anything done in good fun welcome.

-Brewers Fan

A:

Dear dunderhead,

Quit being a gooberface and put your lips on someone else's lips.

-Gimgimno

A:

Dear not the Ohio,

I think what you are looking for can be found here.

I sure hope that helps. Please don't hate me.

Brutus

 

Dear Brew,

Oh no! I hope that isn't a bother too much. I had a similar experience my last year of high school, and then couldn't use the crosswalk for weeks. It was rather like this webcomic but with a crosswalk instead of a glass window. You've got to admit, though, the window is sort of my M.O.

Just roll with the punches and throw those unwanted comments where they belong. Out the window!

Best Wishes,

-The Defenestrator

 

Dear BF,

Perhaps you jest friend.
There is no feeble mind here laid.
Ready for all things.

-Grabthar's Hammer

 

Dear Brewer,

I'm of the opinion that when the stakes are high, you shouldn't go it alone. Look at all the options before you and take a friend. It can get rather lonely. For starters, I've made a list:

1. This isn't something we can really help you with from the other side of the keyboard. Phone a friend and get working on it, fast!

2. In the context of the first presidency quote, I think what is meant by "menace to society" is a different thing entirely. Also, there isn't any credible citation for that quote.

3. Put your money where your mouth is. Go out and seize the day. Deflection by redirection (it's true because it rhymes).

4. Don't be like this.

-Rating Pending (Who really needs to nail this parenthetical statement to sell the illusion. Yup. Nailed it.)

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

I love you so much; I've totally been in a similar situation, and it's hard. You should consider going to the BYU Counseling Center. Here's a pick-me up scripture.

--A whole contingent of writers, past and present, who are probably much nicer people than I am =)

A:

Dear brewers,

Your question had nothing to do with music, but you're doing it wrong. 

Beatles Beatles Pixies Beatles New Pornographers Drive-by Truckers Beatles Radiohead R.E.M. Beatles The Format Beatles.

-Claudio

A:

Dear Tardis Translation Circuit,

On the subject of ergonomics and the effect on interpersonal space, I can see your point, but you'll have to fill out my dating application if this is going to go any further... Flirting lessons aside, this is serious business. Like, Time Lord meta-crisis serious.

-Tally M.

 

Dear Brewers,

As a staunch conservative, I think the answer is pretty obvious, but I should point out first:

If you receive any monetary benefit from applying the contents of this answer to your question or lose any money outside of an FDIC insured institution or off-shore tax shelter, receive secret Snowden communiqués or NSA documents, rely on this answer as legal advice or medical advice when required to deliver a baby on a bullet train going through Nagano on the ides of March, or happen to disagree with what I'm saying, then the consequences are at your own risk. Basic liability, because we here at the Board aren't lawyers or professional tax consultants. I also do not advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would not expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter.

But yes. Government has gotten too big. The ergonomics claims from the 90's have failed to come to fruition and now people are just starting to wonder.

- Haleakalā


Dear BF,

I was thinking about this the other day with yayfulgirl, and we decided that while ergonomics is a nice thought in theory, I think that videos like this can lead to a misconception about how effective they are. In truth, I think individual efforts to improve performance are just as important as the environmental factors. I know it can be hard, if you'd like to talk, I'm only an email away.

-yayfulness

A:

Dear cretin,

Cats are abominable and we loquaciously despise them.

-100 Typing Monkeys

A:

How are you Brewers Fan!!

What you say!!

It is not a bull. It will set up you the bomb. All your Stupid mankey base are belong to us!!

Ha ha ha ha...

-CATS

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

See Board Question #69694.

-Katya

A:

Dear nonsensical phrase

Silly, silly nonsense.

Nobody could possibly read this and find it entertaining.

Gibberishy type gibberish that is nonsense and everyone hates but does imply my sense of inferiority towards the 100 Typing Monkeys.

-CATS

A:

Dear friend,

It appears that the writers are really enthusiastic about answering this question. I think that's excellent, as long as no one takes anything too far.

Peace,

Stego Lily

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

First, I explain the basic science behind your question. Then I talk to a physicist I know for that note of authority. Finally, I write a quick script in Python to do some calculations, not to mention find every instance of the subject on the internet, servers, and private filing cabinets. The answer to your question is seven.

(m dash) Laser Jock

A:

Dear goobers fan,

I was going to participate but I don't do the whole "good fun" thing. Forget that nonsense.

--Gimgimno

A:

Dear Brews,

I am a butt with a butt for a butt but also a butt for a face and head who just farts all day filling everything with farts. Butts.

--Gimgomno

A:

Dear I Think You Care About Me Than You Do,

Abs.

Abs, abs, abs.

Abs, abs, abs, abs, abs. 

Abs, abs.

I'm so ripped.

Abs.

- Mighty Quinn

A:

Dudes and ladydudes,

This sounds like an ADVENTURE!! Well, I'm Marzipan. I'm short and I love to crochet and listen to indie music and be a feminist. But more importantly, I just want you all to know that I love the Cheat. Being married is great and all, (if you're reading this, I love you, sugar muffin lumpkins). But the Cheat is my dearest darling cupcake and the short year and a half we spent as roommates was the brightest time of my life. She has the best cougar impressions and taste in music. Our time together was full of Joss Whedon marathons, dinosaurs, and spooning. And she only rarely mocked me for my height! Also, she made up my 'nym. Just saying, the woman's a genius. 

Indeed, what we had was magic.

Marzipan

A:

Dear fan,

Marzipan and I used to be roomies. That's pretty much all anyone knows about me at this point.

-The Cheat

P.S. I LOVE MARZIPAN SO MUCH.

A:

Dear fan,

A well-written, thoroughly researched, wise, compassionate, and/or insightful answer that will brighten your day.

Sincerely,

Dragon Lady, Katya, or Waldorf and Sauron

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

A thoughtful answer, based on experience and reason, on a topic generally characterized by mindless partisanship.

- Eirene

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

I would like to take a moment and highlight the importance of knowing your first aid.  In my experience as an EMT, I have come across countless situations where a person would have been much better off if their friends and family knew what to do in an emergency situation.  Please take the time now to familiarize yourself with basic first aid techniques and please teach your children what to do in an emergency.

You can save lives!

Have fun storming the castle!

- Il Gaunaco

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

Have you read any of the Harry Potter books? They are the most wonderful books ever...OH SHINY THING! GOTTA GO!

-Niffler

A:

Dear Brewers Fan,

5. You will begin a career as a karaoke singer which will take you to fame and fortune.  Your most requested song will be your sassy rendition of "Since U Been Gone" 7 4 0 0 6

4. nein, I say thee NEIN! I will not kiss the moon

3. And behold, the mighty overlord Zarathustra said, "Three!"

2. Never high-five the shower head.

1. Once upon a time a small giant squid ate Communism

- Loki