"We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us." -Chris Stevens

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I looked at the tags of Board Question #83425. Is Haleakala more noticeably pure than others?

-Pearly Gatekeeper


Dear voter,

Absolutely! Like a volcano covered in snow, Haleapureofhearta is the most morally (and not racist—even though he is racially) white, courageously blue, conservative-and-not-communist red, tolerant of all those worth tolerating, Reaganomic,  baby-kissing, pro-American Dream, anti-recession, anti-out of control spending, anti-climate change (whichever way gets your vote), transparent, anti-debt, anti-terrorism, anti-war and pro-military, pro-education and anti-taxes, pro-globalization and anti-outsourcing, pro-technology and anti-email candidate to ever. Where's your vote?



Dear Pearly,

Indeed, he's very pure. His inner light is so bright it gave me a second-degree burn.