"We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us." -Chris Stevens
Q:

Dear Haleamerica,

What do we do with North Korea?

-Concerned Citizen

A:

Dear Upper-Class White Male,

Once Haleapatriot is elected president, he's going to ship all of the nation's redheads to North Korea. They've been polluting this blessed soil for too long, and it's for the redheads' own good, and the North Koreans deserve it.

-El-ahrairah, Haleamerica's campaign manager