"Reversal of fortune? No way. Reversal of skill." -Uffish Thought
Question #86655 posted on 05/16/2016 5:18 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board Alumni,

Any of you who got married later than the BYU norm? Do you have any stories of encouragement for those of us in our late twenties or later and still perpetually single?

-Getting old

A:

Dear Old,

I am finally getting married in July at age 30.  Not only did I make it through BYU single, I actually experienced my biggest dating dry spell at BYU.  After graduation, I decided to stay in Utah partially because I didn't want the hassle of moving and applying to jobs out of state, and partially because I thought I'd stand a better chance of "meeting someone" if I stayed.  I ended up living in Ogden, and later Bountiful, and finally started to date with some degree of frequency.  Still, dating was not working out well.  I had such ridiculously bad luck with men that I finally just learned to laugh about it. Finally, after getting my master's degree and ending yet another unpromising relationship, I felt strongly that maybe it was time to return to Arizona.  There is a pretty big singles scene centered around Mesa, but I knew that the pond would still be smaller, and that worried me.  Thankfully, I followed the prompting I had felt, moved to Arizona this past June, and met my fiance a month later.  

So yes, good things can happen after age 21.  I think that all of my ridiculously horrible experiences have helped me appreciate what I have now, and helped me see early on how quality my guy is.  I know it sounds trite and annoying, but things really do work out in one way or another.

Best of luck to you,

~Hermia

A:

Dear Tommy,

I was 29 when I got married. When I met my husband, we were both actually dating other people. After we had broken up with our respective exes (at around the same time, miraculously), I wasn't even looking to date anyone, much less get married. We just enjoyed spending time with each other and then things happened. So my word of encouragement is: don't stress about it. It happens when it happens. 

-Azriel

A:

Dear becoming ancient,

I was 61 when I died alone in a ditch, having never known love in mortality and destined to face eternity in perpetual solitude.

One really encouraging story that I heard once was that sometimes you can have dreams where you've found somebody. I'm not sure I believe it, though.

--Gimgimno, with a slight air of melodrama

A:

Dear young enough:

Go listen to Hamilton, specifically "It's Quiet Uptown." Listen to Company. The Last Five Years. The first few tracks of Kintsugi

But mostly listen to Rumours. I'll wait. 

Do you still want to take the plunge after that? Okay.

I don’t pretend to know
The challenges [you're] facing

Then go apply for the Peace Corps, or train to become a volunteer EMT, or write a coherent, publishable YA novel. Book a flight to a city you've always wanted to visit, and go alone. (MSJ is the Board saint of Broadway and solo travel. Blessings on her name.)

Run for office! Train for a marathon! Get rid of Facebook and read the complete works of Somerset Maugham or Emile Zola! Actually commit to a stretch goal like that, be accountable to a friend, and write back in a year to update us. You're not thirty (or dead) yet. 

... Wait, you still want to get married after that? Did you read the Wikipedia article on the recording process of Rumours? Cool.

Will thirty-year-old you have lost anything by running, reading, writing, listening, volunteering? I doubt it. And a coherent analysis of what makes Philip Carey, Aaron Burr, or Jamie Wellerstein (the worst, ugh) tick could make you more interesting, and be a window into human behavior.

And if you record an earthshakingly good rock album, lay off on the hard drugs and drama and take care of yourself. 

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here

It'll be better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

---Portia, not looking back

A:

My wife was 26 when she married me, and my bro was 28. When he married his wife, I mean.

Grammar mistakes can be fun,

Toasteroven

(P.S. -- if you're worried about your age, that is part of the problem. The problem is are you really marriage material and are you realistic about your choices? If you are, then be happy and worry less about it. Those who are upset they aren't married when they're older just make it harder on themselves. Vicious cycle sometimes, but it's true.) 

A:

Dear Forever Young,

I'm 33, single, and officially a menace to society.  Perhaps for next year's reunion week I'll break out a dating application.

To answer your question, I still really like my answer from last year's alumni week on how I deal with being single.

I sure hope this helps.  Please don't hate me.

- Brutus