If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em', cause, man, they're gone. –Jack Handey
Question #89149 posted on 03/15/2017 8:01 a.m.

Dear J.J. Rubik,

Who is the shambling man in the JFSB?

Also, what did you get on your essay?

-Steven Alexander Lobowitz!


Dear Test-Taker,


Alright, now you've really got me confused, because as we both know, Hanklin and Mr. Lobowitz are not the same person (running with the assumption that you are the same person that asked Board Question #88603, because I find it just too darn improbable that there were three people (you, "Hanklin," and Senator McDunn) that all knew about my Board identity in that group). That being said, I believe I have narrowed your identity down to one of three people: Beast (aka Hanklin), Guy Officer (aka Steven Alexander Lobowitz), or...PRESIDENT UCHTDORF (or, at least, someone very good at impersonating him). 

Your move, Mr. Secret Cankles. Your move.


As far as the rest goes, I dare not speak more about the shambling man of the JFSB than is necessary, and I fear that I've already done that. Just know that he is definitely a man, he definitely shambles, and he definitely does his shambling in the JFSB. 

And an essay question on a Chemistry test seems downright...questionable (though, to be fair, I've never taken a Chemistry test here at BYU).

-Frère Rubik