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Question #90071 posted on 07/14/2017 2:50 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What do I do for a friend who throws herself into potential relationships headfirst, without ascertaining that the other party reciprocates in any way? What about when the other party has already clearly expressed disinterest in my friend, leaving my friend heartbroken but still hoping and acting like the other party will change their mind, leading to uncomfortable DTRs?

Her mindset is so dramatically different than my mindset, which is that the only way to REALLY know that a guy likes you is that he tells you he likes you (plus his actions need to match with his statement). I'm very slow to warm up to a guy, and I recover quickly from breakups because I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't want me. I recognize that there are many flaws to my approach to dating, including shutting myself off from many possibilities. However, I'm generally happier with my relationships, and am truly comfortable when dating someone because I am confident that it is not a one-sided relationship.

I explained my mindset to you so that you can help me know how to help my friend, whom I completely respect and adore, when she goes through the same problem over and over and over again. Please help me be a better friend!



Dear Friend,

I don't think trying to change your friend would work. We all have different styles and patterns that work for us. Hers are persistence and confidence. It's impressive that your friend is able to keep that up despite multiple rejections. Although those traits are leading her to heartbreak now, she will be able to use them to her benefit in a future marriage.

However, you can be there for her, especially when she's going through rough times. People generally want to make their own decisions, but they usually appreciate support. If the pain of repeated heartbreaks isn't changing her, I doubt there's anything you could say to change her. Someday her strategy will work, as will yours. Until then, be there for her as a friend. Tell her she's of worth when she needs it. Show love when she may feel no one else has any for her. Life is hard but it usually works out. Help her build faith in that.

Good luck!