Silence is the virtue of fools. -Sir Francis Bacon
Question #90086 posted on 07/16/2017 10:38 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I apologize in advance for asking a question on a topic that comes up all the time, I'm just in one of those moods where I feel like I need to ask a question.

So, simply put, when it comes to dating I feel kind of like a nerd. Actually, I don't really feel like a nerd, but I feel like people see me as a nerd. A while ago I took an acting class from Ben Hopkin, and those of you who are familiar with the wonderful man know that he can stare into your soul. He did so while helping me with a monologue, and asked if I ever feel like a nerd. He then proceeded to tell me a bunch of different wonderful things he sees in me, and basically helped me see myself as so much more than that. Most importantly, I knew that he saw the real me, not the me I feel like people see.

Anyway, I took another acting class later and the professor was talking to us about preparing to perform roles that directors will expect us to be able to play. He told me that my type is "the adorable nerd." Thanks, man.

Both professors are wonderful. But the point is, I do feel like people see me as a nerd. An adorable nerd? Maybe. But a nerd. And I feel like that's not the most desirable quality in the dating scene. My roommate recently said, "You know, I think that girls underestimate you. I don't know why." I can't help but feel like it's because I come across as a nerd.

I also feel like I tend to become a good "friend." It's fairly easy for me to make friends, with both guys and girls. And granted, I'm friends with plenty of girls that I'm not interested in romantically. But if I ever do want anything more than that, they're usually not interested. And even the girls I'm not interested in don't show any interest beyond friendship.

I guess what it comes down to is: I want to be attractive! I want to be flirted with! I don't want to feel like I'm just searching through all my friends until I find someone who is willing to like me in spite of my nerdiness, and only because I showed so much interest in them in the first place. It would be nice for someone to break the touch barrier with me every so often.

Whew. Thanks for letting me get that out, that was kind of therapeutic. Honestly, on an intellectual level, I feel like I can answer any of my own questions about this as well as you can. But emotionally, it's still rough. Any thoughts or advice?

Thank you!

-Adorable Nerd


Dear nerd,

I never labeled myself as nerdy, but I had the same dating experience as you. A lot of rejection and some non-romantic friends. Luckily, I thought I was attractive and I believed that I was well-rounded, and so I could handle the rejection somewhat well (it still hurt for sure). 

Then, one day a girl was ecstatic about the idea of dating me! She loved me for who I am, even all of my weird quirks. We got married and I am extremely grateful to have her in my life. 

You need to believe in yourself. You are awesome! Don't make your personal worth dependent on others' view of you. Embrace yourself. You've got this!

-Sunday Night Banter


Dear you,

There is actually a subset of girls out there who are specifically interested in dating nerdy guys. 

Sure, some people won't be interested in you because of it, but do you want to change the things about you that you perceived as a nerd? If yes, go ahead and change them. If no, then don't stress about those people. 

Good luck!

~Anne, Certainly