"I'm not a chicken. I'm just really hesitant." -Frasier Crane
Question #90135 posted on 07/24/2017 3:14 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

When there's an opportunity, but no guarantee you'll actually get it, how do you balance your emotional investment in it so that it's high enough that your chances of getting the opportunity improve but that it's low enough that it's not going to leave you completely broken (and even less confident in your ability to get the next opportunity that comes by, crippling your chances for that one too, rinse and repeat) if you luck out?

-Currently it's a potential job, but potential relationships are also applicable so I'm generalizing

A:

Dear you,

Elder Bednar gave a great talk this last priesthood session on this topic (sort of). He was talking about mission assignments, but I think some of the principles are applicable to other things, like jobs or relationships.

Here's my take on it: It's not good if you don't let yourself care or be passionate about anything because you're afraid of it not working out. So I say go for it. Yes, sometimes things don't work out, so you have to live in a way that failure won't absolutely devastate you. But you shouldn't let that hold you back from going after what you care about.

There's that part in Tangled where Rapunzel asks what to do when she's found her dream. Flynn says, "Well, that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream." I think the same is true when you don't find your dream. Sometimes you're dreams are unfulfilled and you have to go find a new one. But that's the good part. There's always something out there, and I'd rather be stuck still dreaming than be numb and dreamless.

I'd say get really good at finding new dreams, both in success and failure. Then, even as you dream, you can be confident in your ability to move on should things not go as you hope.

Best of luck!

-Kirito

A:

Dear Cornelius,

This is an extremely hard balance, one which I'm not sure I've mastered.

There have been times where I allowed myself to be invested in things, and believe fully that I would succeed, and then I failed. It hurt. It hurt much much worse than it ever would have if I hadn't cared to the same degree.

It's hard to allow yourself to care when doing so brings so much potential for pain. However, something I've learned is that the pain passes. And I don't regret any of those times I've cared anymore. Because even though it was hard, I still learned things from each of those experiences. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that failing doesn't make me a failure. Failures don't mitigate my skills or abilities or worth. And honestly, thinking that it did was the thing that hurt. 

So, I would say let yourself care. But also never fool yourself into thinking your intrinsic worth is somehow dependent on success. For it is not.

~Anathema