"I'm not a chicken. I'm just really hesitant." -Frasier Crane
Question #90142 posted on 07/26/2017 11:32 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Tonight I went on a fifth date with a girl, and I would like your input on something. I've enjoyed each of our dates, and apparently she's enjoyed them too because she keeps saying yes to more. The problem is, that's kind of all she does: say either yes or no to dates. She doesn't text me after dates (or at all, really), and hasn't ever been the one to invite me to do something, or really reached out in any way.

This confused me at first, and after the fourth date I just asked if she'd be interested on going on any more (to give her a clear opportunity to say no if she wanted to). She said she'd be down to go on another one, but also that she's very indecisive and takes relationships very slowly. Okay, that's fine, I move slow too.

But the issue is that I feel like I'm doing all the work, and it's kind of emotionally taxing. And I'm not head-over-heels for her; I like her, but I don't think I'm going to start liking her more unless she starts to show me that she likes me back.

My thought at this point is to ask her on another date and see how it goes. If it's about the same as all the other ones, I can afterwards thank her and tell her that if she'd like to pursue the relationship, she can let me know when she wants to hang out or do something. If that makes sense. Basically, to put the ball in her court and not have to worry about it anymore unless she's interested enough to do something about it.

Do you think this is a good idea? If not, what would you suggest? And any other comments or suggestions are always welcome as well.

-Mr. Single


Dear Mr. Single,

I don't think this is a bad idea, but I don't know that I would do it personally. The way I see it, it's fine if she's indecisive about actually getting into a relationship and wants to take it slow, but if she actually likes you, she still needs to actively do something to show it. Like you said, it's emotionally taxing to feel like you're doing all the work, especially if you're head over heels for her.

Basically, if she isn't doing anything to show interest, I wouldn't even ask her on that sixth date. From my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience, a lot of girls have a hard time ever saying no. In my case, that means that they just never answer, but maybe in this case that's why she keeps saying yes.

-The Entomophagist


Dear señor, 

Why don't you just tell her some of what you told us in your question? Otherwise, yeah, the ball might get put back in her court, but you're still playing a game. And not a very fun one. 

Take care, 

-Auto Surf


Dear fifth date,

I agree with Auto Surf. It sounds like it is time for open and honest conversation! She might not even know that you have expectations for her to do more of the "work". Sometimes communication saves relationships, and sometimes frozen yogurt does too.

-Sunday Night Banter