Silence is the virtue of fools. -Sir Francis Bacon
Question #90208 posted on 08/27/2017 3:51 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it a bad thing to only be attracted to women who are active and fit?

-Want to explore the world


Dear you,

Not necessarily, since those are positive qualities. However, if you start drawing hard lines for yourself with a particular good thing, you may end up missing opportunities with people who have other positive qualities, but are still working at (or may even be weak on) that particular thing.

How problematic this is seems to me to depend on whether you're being appropriately careful in designating things that are "deal breakers" for you. 

So, if "active and fit" seems like it's something that's important enough that you think it's an appropriate deal-breaker, then it's not a problem that you're only attracted to active/fit women. If you can honestly say that someone who had all of the other qualities you were looking for would be unacceptable as a potential spouse on this ground alone, then this probably isn't an issue. I do think it's important to be careful in evaluating those, as I've discussed in a previous answer. I can't tell you whether it's appropriate for "active and fit" to be a dealbreaker, because some dealbreakers are specific to a person. However, if you can create in your mind a person who is not active and fit, but who has other qualities that are good enough to 'overcome' this lack, then you might want to try harder to be seek out the attractiveness in women who aren't active and fit (e.g. by fostering relationships, spending time, seeing what develops, etc.)

At the end of the day, you can't necessarily force yourself to be attracted to someone, but it's sometimes worth considering when our instincts on who we're attracted to are helpful and when they may be limiting.

~Anne, Certainly


Dear you,

No, I don't think it is a bad thing. I don't necessarily believe that we choose everything that we are attracted to. With this being said, you will probably find that there is not very many people that have every quality that you find attractive, so you'll have to date people that have different qualities. 

I think if you find someone who is "perfect" for you in every other way other than their physical fitness and activity levels, then I believe it would be a crime not to give them a chance!

-Sunday Night Banter