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Question #90310 posted on 09/04/2017 8:55 p.m.

Dear The Board,

Could you please examine a bowl of Marshmallow Mateys and give me your best guess for what the marshmallow shapes are supposed to be?

-Nellie Bly


Dear Nebelity,

In the interest of of answering this question with as many perspectives as possible (and because Board peeps are cool) I decided to host a cereal eating party to determine the answer to your probing and pressing query. Below me, you can find the other writer's interpretations.

Here is a picture of my beautiful bowl of Marshmallow Matey's:


In order to give my best interpretation, I followed Sherpa Dave's lead, and pulled out the marshmallows to get a kind of visual average.


Here is what I decided each of them represent, going from left to right:

First column: My first thought on these strange orange and yellow supposedly edible manufactured creations was that they were dying suns. Further reflection made me conclude a flower was a closer match.

Second column: For these ones, I came up with strange octopodes. As in, parasitic octopi that latch onto your ankle with their tentacles and then never let go.

Third column: Fish that have eaten rather too much seaweed. 

Fourth column: Dolphins.

Fifth column: Sad discolored Hershey's Hugs. If they were actual hugs, they'd be the awkward, clammy kind of hugs that feels like the bigger version of the wet fish handshake.

Sixth column: Some hunter guy wearing a weird red muffler hat. If the rest of his body was pictured, he'd be holding a rifle.

So, there you have it. Read on for the other interpretations.



Dear Nellie,

I examined a bowl of Marshmallow Mateys and came up with these interpretations for each of the marshmallow shapes.

  • Blue - dolphin
  • Purple - tent
  • Orange/yellow - flower
  • Green - tree
  • Pink - star
  • Yellow/pink - Oompa Loompa

So there you go.

-The Entomophagist


Dear Nellie,

I, too, examined the Marshmallow Mateys, and let me tell you, not very many of them seemed to be pirate related at all. Talk about false advertising. I've related my findings below.

Orange - Flower

Blue - Shamu

Purple - Purple mountain majesties

Green - Three leaf clover

Yellow/Pink - Lego woman with pink hair

Pink - Hairy cartoon bacteria. If you doubt cartoon bacteria actually look like this, you probably had better health classes than I did.

But really, doesn't this guy bear a striking resemblance to those little pink swirly marshmallows?





Dear yosef,

I pretty much agreed with the writers above, exept I couldn't figure out what the purple ones were so I just guessed "rock." Unsurprising, this was not correct

Take care,

-Auto Surf