"It's kind of fun to do the impossible. " - Walt Disney
Question #90391 posted on 10/10/2017 6:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm older with little dating experience. I had a first date last night who kissed me. And it was my first kiss. When I was younger, I don't think I would have gone for a kiss on a first date, but you get older and tell yourself to lighten up.

Well, the kiss turned into kissing, and I regret it. Nothing to tell the bishop about, but it was too much. It really surprised me because I'm not very touchy and normally pretty assertive. Any tips on getting over regrets like that?

The other thing is, I didn't enjoy it. I know I'm not gay or asexual, but I've been having thoughts like, "Am I hyposexual? I'm interested in this guy, but I don't know if I'm physically attracted enough to him to be as affectionate as he needs/wants. Being single is actually really nice." I hear it gets better with experience and that style compatibility can make a difference--he was too aggressive. So . . . anyone dislike a kiss, etc.? Did it get better? Or is it a sign to run?

-Overanalysis

A:

Dear Over,

Oh, I hated my first kiss. You can read all about it here. Basically, I really disliked the kiss, and then disliked kissing for a while after, as well. So don't worry, you're totally normal in feeling underwhelmed by kissing, and I don't think it's a sign of being hyposexual.

-Alta

A:

Dear Overanalyzer,

Kissing is totally subjective. You can like someone's kissing style and still dislike the kiss if you don't want to be kissing the person. You can really like the person and dislike the way they kiss. When it's someone you plan to be kissing on a regular basis, you can always work on compatibility by letting them know what you like and dislike. So no, I would say a first kiss that isn't enjoyable isn't necessarily a sign that you should run.

I'm not sure how to address the rest of your questions, because it boils down to this: did you keep kissing this guy because you wanted to do some kissing, or did you keep kissing him because you didn't feel comfortable saying no? Neither one is the end of the world, but figuring out the answer will affect how you get over your regret and help you figure out whether to pursue a relationship with this guy.

But either way, if you are unhappy with your kissing decisions, then I would reevaluate what kissing means to you on a date and in a potential relationship. Just because you're older doesn't mean kissing has to mean less to you. If you consider kissing to be a sign of mutual affection, and something you don't want to do so early in a relationship, then talk to the men who want to kiss you and explain that. If they're decent men, they'll be understanding.

I don't recall if I've ever met anyone who didn't have some kissing regrets, so you're not alone. Of the 4 men that I've kissed, I regret two of them, and both of those were not particularly enjoyable kisses either. But when you're kissing someone you care about, it does get better over time. The more experience you have, the more you'll both know what you like, and the more enjoyable the experience will be for both parties.

Good luck.

Love,

Luciana

A:

Dear Over analysis, 

Luciana answers the rest of your questions quite well. I just wanted to say that first kisses are way overhyped and it's totally normal to feel underwhelmed.

After my first kiss my immediate though was "wait, really? All the hype for this?" so I kissed her like 10 seconds later to be sure it actually happened. Don't stress too much about a lackluster first kiss, it's really common to feel that way.

Peace and good luck!

Tipperary