"I'm not a chicken. I'm just really hesitant." -Frasier Crane

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why in the name of Abraham Smoot would the Lord's University allow that - that - Devil's drink onto our sacred campus?

-Double Bubble Burp-a-Cola


Dear Bubbles,

I know what you mean. Who even drinks Mr. Pibb??

-The Entomophagist


Dear Dallas Barnhartvale Baptist Church,

First of all please don't take the name of Abraham Smoot in vain.

Second of all it's a test to see who the truly righteous are. Stand strong and stay vigilant BYU.

Keep it real,
Sherpa Dave


Dear you,

The decision to sell caffeine on campus is proof (if you didn't already know) that caffeine is NOT against the Word of Wisdom. It never has been, despite strong cultural opinions otherwise. Even though the ban only existed because there used to be no demand for caffeine, having the ban implied that caffeine was kind of a grey zone. Getting rid of it is a big step forward.

However, it still bugs me a little. Now I feel a little prudish for not drinking caffeine. It's not that I'm trying to be self-righteous—it's just that I can't even have significant amounts of sugar without getting knocked out, let alone caffeine. Every time I take allergy medication my heart races like I'm going to die. And that was just a half dose! My body is just really sensitive. I'm glad so many people out there can ingest ridiculous amounts of stimulants and just shake it off, but not me.

I'm trying my best to be tolerant and all that, but I still think everyone is slowly killing themselves with their liquid piles of sugar and caffeine.



Dear friend,

Hey now, the Word of Wisdom only prohibits alcohol and hot drinks. Last time I checked, caffeinated soda is neither alcoholic nor the devil's temperature. Bring on the caffeinated revolution!

-Van Goff