Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song "Alone in my principles."
Question #90470 posted on 10/08/2017 1:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

This boy and I just became exclusive. He has no job so he has very little money. Well, last night I was at his place and when he walked me to my car we noticed my car had a boot on it. The fine was $60! I had no idea that his complex had times that visitors couldn't park there. He never told me anything about it. All he told me was that I could only park in an uncovered spot. I'm kinda angry that my new boyfriend didn't offer to at least pay for part of the fine. All he did was apologize that I got a boot. Am I wrong for being upset that he didn't offer to help pay? In a situation like this, who do you think is responsible for the fine?

-Boot on my Tire

A:

Dear Booted,

I've been in this exact same situation before, so I can definitely sympathize with you, and I know how much it sucks to get booted and then have to pay $60. I know the shock of wanting to leave and realizing that actually, instead you have to wait twenty minutes for BYU parking police to show up so you can shell out your hard earned money to them. But you're still responsible. While it would be nice if he offered to pay all or some of the fine, you can't expect it as his duty, especially if you just started dating, and especially if he doesn't have a job. To steal a line from Anathema, just because he lives there doesn't mean that he's responsible for all parking fines incurred by people who visit him. And would you rather that he pays for your boot, or for groceries/rent/gas/dates? If he's living off of savings, the money it would take to pay for a boot would probably have a pretty darn high opportunity cost for him.

From the tone of your question, it also sort of sounds like you're angry that he didn't tell you you could be booted if you parked in his lot, but try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's entirely possible that (A) he didn't know you could get booted if you parked there, (B) he forgot to tell you, (C) he knew his apartment complex has a history of not booting people and thus thought it wouldn't happen to you, or (D) he assumed you knew that most BYU/campus housing parking lots are regularly patrolled by parking police after certain hours, and if you're parked without a permit after those hours, being booted is always a possibility. And in any case, being mad at him now for something he literally cannot change (telling you about the possibility of being booted) seems a little counterproductive.

In the end, though, I can only tell you my own opinion (which is that you're responsible and you should forgive him). But I don't know your relationship. I don't know what sort of expectations the two of you have for each other. So my final advice is to talk about this with him to find a solution that works for both of you. Does he know how you feel about this incident, and what sorts of expectations you have for him/your relationship? Something I've been working on remembering is that no one can read my mind. I can want my husband to do something with all my heart, and think that if he loves me/is committed to our relationship/has his priorities straight/whatever else, he would do it. But in the meantime, he might have no idea how important that thing is to me, and not do it, just because he can't read my mind. So remember that just because the two of you are exclusive, it doesn't mean this guy can read your mind, and he will inevitably do things sometimes that you may find annoying or unthoughtful, and when that happens, the best thing to do is just talk with him about it.

Good luck with everything! I hope that paying for the boot didn't take too big a hit on your budget.

-Alta