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Question #90664 posted on 01/17/2018 4:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I got married a few months ago. My husband put in a heroic amount of effort finding an engagement ring that I would like to surprise me with. His sister got engaged last week and picked the same ring (I don't mean a similar ring, she actually went to the same store and intentionally picked the same ring [it wasn't an accident either she asked her mom for pictures of my ring]). I'm trying to be happy for her, but I'm mostly feeling hurt. I know that it doesn't really matter and that there is much more significant suffering going on, but I still feel sad. How do I let go of this pettiness and anger? She has every right to pick whatever ring she wants, she is the one who will be wearing it, unfortunately I am also the one wearing it.

-Gollum

A:

Dear Gollum,

My sister and sister-in-law have the exact same ring. It wasn't done on purpose, their husbands both just happened to pick the exact same one. They also got engaged on the same night (also by coincidence). While I imagine it might have been weird for them at first, with everyone making the comparison, and their special ring not actually being so special and unique, they seemed to see it as happy coincidence more than anything. Obviously that's a bit different from your situation, because your sister-in-law intentionally chose to copy you, but hopefully you can see this as a fun shared experience, rather than a malicious attempt by your sister-in-law to undermine you. Chances are she wanted your ring because she loves it, so at least there's that.

However, I understand that it can be annoying when people are first engaged and everyone is looking at their ring all the time and complimenting it and gushing over how beautiful it is, especially if you have the exact same ring. The good news is, eventually people will get over the new-ness of her ring and not even notice it anymore, and you can go back to living your normal lives.

-Alta

A:

Dear Gollum,

10/10

-'Nym rater

A:

Dear you,

Perhaps focusing on what the ring represents would help? The purpose of having an engagement ring is not to flaunt it to everyone in sight, rather its purpose is to signify the love that someone has for you. 

I know that answer is short, but I think it holds the key to letting the anger go.

-Sunday Night Banter