"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual." -House
Question #90763 posted on 12/20/2017 7:48 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board and the guppy of doom,

what should I do if I think I know who you are in real life?

-Azul Ateh
Promise, not trying to be creepy, if you are who I think you are, then we're actually friends in real life and it makes me really happy that you write for the Board.


Dear Azul Ateh,

When you next see me, follow these instructions carefully:

  1. Wear a blue shirt that has a red fish on the northeast quadrant;
  2. Sneeze four times then say, "Well golly, that was a whale of a sneeze!";
  3. Eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (NOT tuna);
  4. Bring a plate of cookies;
  5. MOST IMPORTANT STEP: hand me the cookies while winking.

Failing that, you could always talk to/email me! You might know who I am, but I have no idea who you are, and I'd love to see which of my friends are cool enough to read the Board!

-guppy of doom


Dear athul atheh,

Regardless of whether or not you are positive of guppy's identity, you should most certainly follow through with all five steps. Yes, it would be great for guppy to discover who you are in such a flamboyant manner, but imagine how much greater it would be for your unsuspecting not-writer friend to be totally oblivious to the purpose behind your secrecy introduction ritual. They'll be thinking about it for months.


--Ardilla Feroz