"It's not spiders I dislike, just people." -Petra
Question #90894 posted on 01/30/2018 7:26 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

The honor code clearly states that when it is signed it is in force "at all times and in all places" and yet I know many people who graduate and then grow beards... Have they left the chalk line of honor? Will their diplomas be revoked?

-jk, said the liar

A:

Dear you,

Guess I'll have to reconsider my plans to grow a beard upon graduating now.

~Anathema

A:

Dear liar,

You are completely right. To grow a beard is absolutely forbidden for all graduates of BYU. You may be unaware of it, but right now President Worthen is being briefed by the BYU Secret Police about all current graduates who have grown a beard, wear their hair in extreme fashions, and have members of the opposite sex in their bedrooms. If you've ever heard about BYU graduates who wake up with their facial hair mysteriously shaved off, or their brightly dyed hair magically turning back to its original color in a day, or their fathers suddenly refusing to enter their daughters' rooms for any reason, you know why.

I hope you know that I give this knowledge at great risk to my own safety. I dyed my hair bright red last summer break, and if the BYU Secret Police ever found out that I did this, I may be prohibited from graduating.

So take great care! Be careful of what you post on Facebook, for that is how they get most graduates. If you notice a friend post a picture of your bearded face, be sure to comment that you are only growing it out because you're appearing in an LDS scriptural film.

-guppy of doom

A:

Dear Jedidiah,

That's a great idea.

 maeser.jpg

-Karl G. Maeser