"If it's causing you more stress than it's worth... it's not worth it." - Yellow
Question #90910 posted on 02/01/2018 2:47 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What do I need to make sure I do/don't do in order to keep my mac in A+ condition for as long as possible?

Thanks,
new computer

A:

Dear newbie,

There's some boring articles out there that have some run-of-the-mill advice to keep your mac in tip top condition. But did you really come to the illustrious 100 Hour Board to get such tedious and common advice? Of course not! So here's the real deal if you want to keep your mac in a condition unlike your grades:

DON'T throw it against a wall. You may assume your laptop is as capable and durable as a book. This may shock you, but it's not. 

DON'T feed it chocolate, which is poisonous to computers.

DON'T light it on fire. Like books, fire is also super effective against laptops. Alternatively, you may consider finding the top student in your class and lighting their laptop on fire. Top students tend to wreck the curve, which means you won't get into that top master's program.

DON'T water it. And if you do end up watering it, don't plug it in when you do. However, if you want a new, electrifying hairdo, play with the cords while watering your laptop.

DO take it on walks. Though some studies have tried to prove that this doesn't actually help the laptop and is only a trick to get laptop users in the sun each day, I can assure you it's a lie. Taking walks is vital to the health of a laptop. 

DO talk to it lovingly each day. Remind it that your future depends on its little circuits. 

DO consult a therapist if your laptop ever experiences technical difficulties. Such problems are often signs that your relationship is failing, and a therapist can help you better understand each other and make needed adjustments. 

With these tips, hopefully your mac is able to stay in tip top condition! And never forget, if your laptop does unexpectedly die, you may need to take out a huge student loan to buy a new one, take a boring desk job you hate to pay for those student loans, live an unmotivated life due to your depressing job, and die alone at your desk! So never forget to keep your mac in A+ condition!

-guppy of doom