Dear Frère Rubik,
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THE BOARD WE ARE ENGAGED OR WHAT!?
Dearest, Darling Vienna,
Kidding! I’m just kidding!
HEY EVERYONE! VIENNA AND I HAVE BEEN DATING SINCE LIKE LAST APRIL AND WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED SOON!
That's right, folks: one of the Board's kindest, funniest, most loving and compassionate writers has decided to marry probably the Board's most Rubik-iest writer.
How on earth did I get to be so lucky, you ask? It's simple, really: I successfully defeated Chris Pratt in a taco-eating contest on top of the Empire State Building. Why she had us hold the contest there, I don't know (it was very cold and windy and the cilantro kept flying off of my tacos), but we went along with it because she is totally worth it.
I don't want to overly gush, but Vienna is amazing. She is so amazingly kind and loving and supportive and funny and great. She feels special to me in a way that no one else has before. She makes me so much better.
Plus, I mean, she's really pretty, guys:
What did I tell you? Drop-dead gorgeous. And I get to be with her forever.
P.S. The reason it took so long, Vienna, is because I got lost in your eyes every time I tried to draw a paper bag over them.
P.P.S. Ok so yeah technically the real reason it took so long is because this semester has been absolutely crazy with graduating and wedding planning and whatnot but I'm serious about those eyes of yours, chica. They are DREAMY.