That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. - Henry David Thoreau
Question #91213 posted on 05/01/2018 3:06 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I hope this question isn't inappropriate. My boyfriend and I made some rules about what we would and wouldn't do while kissing to protect ourselves from breaking the law of chastity. We don't lie on top of each other, touch each other's private parts or kiss after midnight. Last night we were making out and things were getting a little intense but not terribly so. I didn't feel uncomfortable but we were pushing the limits on our rules. We were only kissing for about 15 minutes and I didn't realize how turned on he was getting until he ejaculated. I didn't want to embarrass him so I didn't say anything. We're definitely going to talk about it as a couple but I'm curious if this is something that I should be freaking out about or if it's normal. I certainly know it's normal outside of Mormon culture but for some reason I thought that Mormon men in their mid twenties wouldn't have as big a problem. My boyfriend has struggled with pornography in the past so I'm sure that affects things. So I'm wondering, is that considered premature ejaculation? And should I feel bad that I caused it somewhat? Also what advice could you give us to avoid getting into trouble in the future?

-Inexperienced

A:

Dear Inexperienced,

The official medical definition of premature ejaculation is ejaculation within 1 minute of penetration, or before the male wishes it in the case of other sexual activities. It also must be a recurrent and persistent problem that causes significant distress, because everybody's bodies do weird things every once in a while. I won't make a judgment call about whether or not your boyfriend has it, but that's what the definition is. Also, it's possible that you may have just noticed pre-ejaculate, but again, I'm not going to make that judgment call for you, because I wasn't there and I have no idea, I just wanted to throw that out there.

In any case, I don't think you should feel bad that you "caused" this. Like, yeah, don't push your boundaries, but also, ejaculating while just making out is not normal, in that it usually doesn't happen for most men (I don't know what you're referring to as "normal outside of Mormon culture, but this isn't really a common thing for men outside of the Church, either). As long as you weren't actively trying to provoke this, it seems more of a "his body did something weird" issue than a "you're a temptress" issue.

To avoid getting into trouble in the future, don't do whatever you were doing when that happened. Maybe set additional rules if you think they're necessary. Fill your time with wholesome activities so you don't have time for making out. Do whatever you've got to do to make sure you don't push boundaries that lead to either of you getting too turned on. Ultimately you guys know best what you can and can't handle, so I would suggest talking about it together to decide what you will and won't do in the future.

-Alta