"My brother is too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was only imminent." -Niles Crane
Question #91386 posted on 08/29/2018 7:10 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can you get me a dialogue sample of the screenplay, “Pride and Prejudice” with Dwayne Johnson cast as Elizabeth Bennett?

-My Name Here

A:

Dear person,

I have secured a dialogue sample that matches the description you provided. (I copied/transcribed/paraphrased phrases from the following sources: Project GutenbergYouTube [caution: lots of profanity], and Moana.)

INT. THE COLLINS HOME. -EVENING

ELIZABETH is sitting at a desk reading a letter, her right eyebrow raised. A bell rings. Her expression briefly changes to an open-mouthed smile. The door opens and DARCY walks quickly into the room. Elizabeth's lips retract into her mouth. Nevertheless, she waves briefly and awkwardly, and runs a hand over her bald head. 

DARCY
(in a rushed manner)        
How is your health?

Elizabeth pauses for several moments.

ELIZABETH
(clears throat awkwardly)       
What's on your mind?

Darcy sits down in an empty chair for a few moments, then stands up and paces on the opposite side of the room from Elizabeth for several minutes. Elizabeth looks at her watch and flexes her arm muscles threateningly. After several more minutes, Darcy approaches Elizabeth.

DARCY
(agitated)       
In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not repressed.
You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

Elizabeth's discomfort vanishes. She snorts slightly and stares, trying to keep her face straight.

DARCY
(still agitated)       
Against my better judgment, and that of my entire family, and despite your obvious inferiority,
I confess my 
feelings of deep attraction to you. Though your family - which includes you -
is collectively a disgrace to society, something about you compels me to love you.

ELIZABETH
(using relatively dramatic hand gestures)       
So, you think I'm pretty cool. But you feel like a loser because of that? 

DARCY
(agitated but unabashed)       
In spite of my endeavors to conquer it, I love you still. I hope I will be
rewarded by your acceptance of my hand. Elizabeth, will you marry me?

ELIZABETH
(coldly)       
If you start singing, I'm going to throw up.

Darcy is clearly surprised, but says nothing.

ELIZABETH
(in a manner appropriate for a motivational speech)              
You haven't even started being a good guy. I don't know about you,
but I had my wake up call. It's your turn. Let me just speak from my gut;
I don't have anything prepared. Man, as you have your goals and ambitions,
further on down the line, this idea that you can have anything you want -
which you have heard since you were a little boy -
(beat)     
you gotta be ballin'. 

DARCY
(stunned)       
And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting.

My conclusion is that Dwayne is cool but, as predicted by Anne, Certainly, he does sound a little out of place in the England-in-the-1810s setting.

-Sheebs