"The world would be a better place if everyone grew brains." - Humble Master
Question #91635 posted on 09/12/2018 3:18 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

You know the old saying, "you are what you eat"? If a vegan eats another vegan, are they still a vegan?

-Chef Boyardee


Dear Ettore, 

If you go by the adage, yes (though, I've never really liked that statement. People always take it far too literally.)

If you go by the definition of vegan (a person who does not eat or use animal products,) then no. 

Mostly, I'd say they're just a cannibal.




Dear person,

As far as syllogisms go, it is a logical argument:

Premise 1: People are what they eat.
Premise 2: A (vegan) person eats a vegan.
Conclusion: Therefore, the (vegan) person is a vegan.

However, the following is also a logical argument:

Premise 1: People are what they eat.
Premise 2: A (vegan) person eats a carrot.
Conclusion: The (vegan) person is a carrot.

Thus we see that, according to Premise 1 (people are what they eat), vegans are only vegans if they eat vegans. Furthermore, in general, people are only people if they eat people. 

Whether the argument is persuasive is a different matter.



Dear Ravioli Mustache Man,

Some people might think that you're taking the adage "you are what you eat" a little too far. I say that you aren't taking it far enough. You my dear friend about a very important mathematical property. Two things that are equal to the same thing are equal to each other. What does this mean?

You have two vegans. Vegan A who is about to turn cannibalistic, and vegan B who sticks to plant matter. So Vegan A consumes Vegan B and becomes what he eats. But wait! Vegan B eats plants. Which means that he is a plant! So Vegan A wouldn't be a vegan, he would be a plant.

But wait! What did the plants eat? They didn't eat plants, so they can't really be plants. They would be whatever they ate. And what do plants eat? Plants photosynthesize, which means they get their energy from sunlight. Therefore, Vegan A is actually sunlight!

You can trace anything on the entire food chain back to the sun. Therefore your hypothetical vegan/cannibal is sunlight. We're all sunlight. Mind=Blown. Remember the primary song "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam"? Well guess what. We are sunbeams. We all are.


Tipperary the Sunbeam