"It's not spiders I dislike, just people." -Petra
Question #91735 posted on 10/27/2018 7:14 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Pancakes, Waffles, French Toast, or Crepes? Argue your position.

-Serious Breakfast Debate

A:

Dear Morning Meal Mooter,

I want to preface this by saying I have a deep love of all breakfast foods. I will slander some more than how I truly feel, in order to bolster my favorites. Just know that ultimately, good breakfast food is the cure to all sadness, and I eat and enjoy all of them. But the time has come to chose a favorite... So I will. 

Scores are ranked on a scale of 1-5. May the best meal win. 

Pancakes:

Taste --- 3. Relatively bland. Sure, you can make blueberry, banana, pumpkin, etc. But the original recipe is pretty meh. 

Price --- 5. Makes the most for yo' money (thanks, baking soda.) 

DIY Feasibility --- 4. Pancakes are easy, use simple ingredients, but flipping them in the pan is hard to master.

Versatility --- 2. Pancakes are meant to be eaten with syrup and sweet things. Not versatile, but I guess you could get creative if you wanted. 

Ron Swanson --- 2. Decent breakfast food, but could be better. Too much like cake. 

Death Row --- 0 - no inmate has ever had pancakes as their last meal.

Other --- 2. Too sweet and not versatile. But they're a staple, and we don't want to get rid of them. Also, for losers like me who don't own a waffle iron, they're good. Also, the family tradition was Sunday pancakes. 

TOTAL: 18 points

 

Waffles:

Taste --- 3. The crunch is good, adds a nice depth of flavor because it's cooked through better. But still pretty bland. 

Price --- 4. Cheap ingredients all around, decently priced at restaurants. Have you tried Waffle Love? Belgian waffles? Always worth it. 

DIY feasibility --- 3. To get a good crunch and volume/lightness, you have to be able to whip and fold in egg whites. Not impossible, but making GOOD waffles isn't for amateurs. 

Versatility --- 4. Ever heard of Chicken and Waffles? Ever watched the Buzzfeed videos where they make waffle-fied everything? Yeah. Very versatile. 

Ron Swanson --- 5Waffles make Leslie stop talking 

Death Row --- 0. no inmate has ever had waffles as their last meal. 

Other --- 4. Waffles are great. They even have little pools to hold syrup. They have lots of uses, and I will always cherish Christmas Waffles with all the fixings, including vanilla ice cream and chokecherry syrup. I love waffles. 

TOTAL: 23 points

 

French Toast:

Taste --- 5. Oh heavens... So tasty. Even plain, French toast has the notes of cinnamon, and if you make it right it'll have a sweet crunch to the outside. Add just a bit of butter? I would eat this all the time if I could. 

Price --- 4. Restaurants charge too much, but making it at home is pretty cheap. Is quite filling, so you get more bang for your buck. 

DIY feasibility --- 3. Made at home, it can be hard to ensure the proper toasting on the outside, and often people make them too soggy with egg. But you don't have to make the bread. The only part you have to do is add cinnamon to eggs and milk and put it in a pan. 

Versatility --- 3. Mid-range. I have a lot of Pinterest recipes of various types. I've also had savory French Toast for Thanksgiving and was very pleased, but that's less common. 

Ron Swanson --- 4. Hearty and comforting. If properly done and combined with sides of bacon and eggs, French Toast is a worthy breakfast.

Death Row --- 0. no inmate has ever had french toast as their last meal, that we know of. Several have had "toast" though, so who knows??

Other --- 5. When you want to pick a special breakfast, everything else is too simple and conventional. French Toast is a breakfast fit for kings and commoners. It's delicious, and if you can do it right, It's got all the best qualities. 

TOTAL: 24 points

 

Crepes:

Taste --- 2. What even? They're just eggs and flour. So boring. Too thin, can't even add stuff. Sure I've had chocolate crepes, but even those can't be eaten plain. Don't taste like anything because they have no substance. 

Price --- 2. "so fancy" so they charge you 6 bucks for something that costs 2 to make. Also, you have to buy ALL the other ingredients to eat it with (i.e. Nutella, fresh fruit, lemon curd, etc. etc.) because you can't eat them plain. Crepes are a joke. 

DIY feasibility --- 2. Have you ever tried to use a crepe maker? Impossible! Half the time when you flip them they fold over themselves! Then when you roll them to eat, they rip! Useless. 

Versatility --- 5. Okay sure, you can use crepes for everything. I'll give credit where it's due. Crepes are very versatile because their base complements anything you might wish to put inside. 

Ron Swanson --- 0. These are pansy pancakes and a disgrace to the name of breakfast food. Death to Crepe-town!

Death Row --- 0. no inmate has ever had crepes as their last meal (and thank goodness too.) 

Other ---  1. Not real food. They're just like... a paper-thin flour mixture made to hold the real ingredients like strawberries. You also have to eat like 12 of them to be full. Waste of time, requires you to make too many. Pretentious food. Claims fancy but is really just flimsy. I don't hate them. It's still breakfast food. But they're just... not REAL breakfast food. 

TOTAL: 12 points

 

Bonus - Eggs/Bacon/Hashbrowns

Taste --- 5. This is a real meal right here. If we're gonna debate breakfast food, we can't forget this. Let's be honest, Bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns take the trophy every time. 

Price --- 4. Eggs are cheap. Potatoes are cheap. Bacon is... less cheap. But in the end, a hearty, savory meal for a good price, even when you eat out. 

DIY feasibility --- 3. Requires some skill, especially if you're not scrambling your eggs. Doesn't have to be pretty though. 

Versatility --- 3. Mostly just savory, but if you make your bacon in maple syrup? Heaven. Also, it's a good lunch and dinner food too. 

Ron Swanson --- 10I can't think of anything nobler to go to war over than bacon and eggs. 

Death Row --- 5Of the 81 documented US last meals, 5 of them had some combo of the three. That means something, folks.

Other --- -20. I added my own category which is cheating so I have to offset the score so it doesn't win, but just know that if this was a real category, it would win.

TOTAL: 10 points

_____________________________________

 

And the winner is French Toast with 24 points! Waffles come in at a CLOSE 2nd with 23 points. I love both of them, but I just really love French toast. That one point difference is just my subjectivity. And no, I don't hate crepes that much... I actually really like to eat crepes. But if we judge them by their breakfast-worthy merit, they fail, and that's just how it goes. They're just 2D pancakes. Don't be offended, these are the facts. 

Suddenly I'm so hungry...

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

A:

Dear you,

French toast and crepes are virtually tied for #1 depending on how I am feeling on a given day. They are far and above the better choice than waffles or pancakes. My argument? My taste buds say so... it doesn't get much more authoritative than that. #boomgoesthedynamite

-Sunday Night Banter

A:

Dear Debater,

Waffles, all day every day. They're delicious, crunchy, and much less likely to allow for the spilling of syrup than the other foods on the list. They have their own little deposit cups! Plus, they're the only ones on the list that can be made ahead of time and put in the toaster! Think of the convenience!

Real talk, though, I can't eat them for breakfast. Me + waffles for breakfast = mid-morning nap, which is just not productive. I usually stick to eggs and toast.

-Quixotic Kid

A:

Dear you,

Waffles are obviously the best. They have enough flavor that they're delicious without any kind of topping, plus they have a nice crunch to them that the other options lack.

But they also pair nicely with sweet or savory toppings, with the bonus that they've got perfect little pockets for all the syrup or fruit or whipped cream your heart desires.

Love,

Luciana

A:

Dear I've Never Been Seriouser,

Definitely waffles first. Quixotic Kid and Luciana explain my feelings about waffles pretty well, but I'll still add a few things. First of all, waffles will top pretty much ANY list of food I make--I'm just deeply passionate about them. Second of all, waffles will ESPECIALLY top a list when we're comparing them to pancakes. Pancakes get limp and soggy in an instant, and they generally taste worse (this statement is excluding, of course both my mother's and grandmother's pancakes, which are the nectar of the gods). 

After waffles, though, crepes, for sure. As Quixotic Kid so eloquently put it in a flagette on my answer, crepes are like the tortilla of pancakes. You can put anything in them and they still taste good. No one's going to enjoy a pancake topped with mushrooms and cheese, but a crepe filled with mushrooms and cheese? Delicious. But guess what? They're ALSO delicious filled with Nutella and whipped cream. They're ALSO delicious filled with fresh fruit and jam. They're ALSO delicious filled with chicken and peppers. No matter what you do, you just can't go wrong when it comes to crepes. And even if you eat them on their own, if they're made right they're still pretty good. They've got just enough sweetness and crispiness to really enjoy, even if they're plain (although I also enjoy eating plain tortillas, so maybe nobody should trust my opinions on food). But in any case, they're definitely better to eat plain than pancakes are, and I'll fight Guesthouse any day of the week to prove my love for crepes.

Another reason why waffles and crepes are superior to other types of breakfast food: both require their own special pan (well, waffles require a special iron, but same idea). While some may see this as a bad thing, what it really means is they're good enough to deserve that. Would anyone make pancakes if they required they own special pan? No. But do people buy waffle irons and crepe pans? Yes. And if consumer culture has taught me anything, it's that the only things worth having are expensive.

-Alta

A:

Dear Aziraphale,

Liege waffles as thin as crepes then dipped in a mixture of cream, vanilla bean paste, eggs, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg, cooked again in a frying pan and then served with custard, whipped cream, and fresh fruit. 

This way, you get all of them (expect pancakes, which--sorry, Guesthouse--just aren't as good as the other options, especially crepes).

~Anathema