"My brother is too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was only imminent." -Niles Crane
Question #91885 posted on 01/06/2019 10:40 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What do you do when you find out about specific members in your ward going against the teachings of Christ? I do not mean drinking or immodesty or even sex. I mean being cruel, not showing compassion, promoting racist ideals and treating others horribly? I know nobody is perfect but these are people who are in leadership positions and blatantly acknowledge they act one way in church but act differently with their friends.

-Disgusted

A:

Dear Disgusted,

Work with the leaders who aren't that way to address that behavior. Hopefully out of the bishopric, Elder's Quorum presidency, Relief Society presidency, Young Men and Young Women's presidencies, Primary presidency, and Sunday School presidency, there are at least a few of them who aren't terrible people. Talk with them about the problems you're noticing to try to come up with a solution. Maybe those other leaders just need to hear a few pointed talks in Sacrament Meeting or have a really awesome lesson on charity, or maybe they need a one-on-one meeting with someone else to address their behavior, or maybe they need to have a discussion their next Bishop's Council on how to do better as a ward, or maybe there's some other solution. But hopefully getting some of the other leaders involved will help solve the problem. Good luck, though, it sounds really hard to be in a ward where the leaders act in such an un-Christlike way.

-Alta

A:

Dear Disgusted, 

I'm not gonna suggest that you get confrontational and start a fight, but you really should call them out on it. Even though they may acknowledge that they act differently in different situations, they obviously haven't had enough people tell them they're being rude to get it through their head. Sometimes people think it's okay for them to say/do awful things just because they have gotten in a habit and nobody has told them to stop. 

We need more advocates for kindness and compassion in the world. If someone says something extremely rude, racist, sexist, etc. TOTALLY call them out. Next time you're around someone who is saying/doing something unkind, stand up for yourself and others. Pipe up and say, "Hey, that's really rude."  Saying nothing lets the person think they can get away with being a jerk. I'll tell you from experience that people WILL laugh at you or brush you off or tell you to stop being soft, but just mentioning it plants that seed in their heads, a little reminder that people don't appreciate their actions. Don't tolerate jokes, humor, or comments that degrade other people. 

One of my favorite things to do when someone tells a joke or tries to be funny at the expense of another person/group of people (i.e. racist, sexist, or bigoted jokes) is to ask the person to explain why it's funny. Tell them you don't understand what makes it so hilarious, and then they have to explain the awful joke to you and you get to watch them realize how rude it is. What's funny about starvation? Human oppression? Abuse? People taking advantage of others? Nothing. There's nothing funny about it at all. The embarrassment from having to explain why they think something like that is funny keeps them from telling more jokes like that in the future. 

If they're being awful while acting in leadership positions in the Church, you should get higher authorities involved (i.e. higher up leaders) because their actions can impact the people they're over, and that's really bad. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse