Dear 100 Hour Board,
What would you say is the best historical ‘screw you’ moment?
- Plum Island Pink House
Probably my favorites to have recently come across my radar is the collection of stories about a philosopher named Diogenes. (Also known as the Philosopher Troll.) I paraphrased much of the following from this article.
Diogenes was one of the great Cynics, and was famous for his believe that all that was unnecessary in life should be rejected (including personal possessions and social status. In other words, he was (sarcasm, here) real dignified.)
In Athens, Diogenes lived in a barrel, having no belongings and eating exclusively onions. He also believed social niceties and Athenian manners to be blatant lies, and when honesty is the highest value, you better believe that he was one of the most obscene people on the street. He considered anything that was "natural and acceptable in private (i.e. farting, defecating, etc.) should also be acceptable and normal in public. He obviously wasn't very popular. There is one story where a group of wealthy people at some dinner began making fun of Diogenes, calling him a dog and throwing him bones... so he proceeded to lift his leg and urinate on them.
But that's not all. Surely, you've learned of Alexander the Great? Yeah, well, Alexander was tutored by Aristotle, and when he heard about Diogenes, he obviously had to meet him. When Alexander came to town, Diogenes was just laying around, basking in the sun. He heard a bunch of noise and trumpets, and looked up to see Alexander the great, who greeted him and lauded his wisdom. Alexander the GREAT asked Diogenes if he wanted anything, to which he responded, “Yes, stand a little out of my sun”. That's right. He told him to move out of the way of his tanning rays. According to record, Alexander commented to his men, "If I were not Alexander, I would like to be Diogenes." Diogenes overhears this and says, "If I was not Diogenes, I too would very much like to be Diogenes." So that's... wow.
I feel like I must also shout out to the creation of the Church of England, which basically went like this:
Henry VIII: "Dearest Pope, my wife is useless and won't give me an heir, plus I'm in love with her servant. Let me have a divorce."
Henry VIII: "Please?"
Henry VIII: "Fine. Then I'm starting my own church, appointing myself the supreme leader, forcing everyone to follow it, and granting myself a divorce." In other words, "screw you."
Dear Professor Plum
Pretty much every revolution or civil war is up there. None of them however match the pettiness of the "Soccer War" also known as the "100 Hour War." In the early 1960's there was a lot of tension between Honduras and El Salvador. There had been large emmigration of Salvadorians to Honduras, and Honduras responded by treating them poorly, taking their farms and expelling them. Despite the political tension, nothing really happened.
Flash forward to 1969 and El Salvador and Honduras are in a playoff for a spot in the 1970 World Cup. Each match was followed by rioting, with especially harsh rioting in Honduras after El Salvador beat them 3-2 in the final qualifying match to secure the World Cup bid. The violence against Salvadorians in Honduras was so bad that El Salvador declared war on Honduras.
You heard that correctly. Honduras got so upset about losing a soccer match that they rioted against El Salvadorian immigrants and El Salvador responded by invading Honduras. Now that's what I call bad sportsmanship.
P.S. This Wikipedia article about the Soccer War was my source and is a short yet highly entertaining read.