The secret of life is butter. - Chef Didier, Last Holiday
Question #92422 posted on 07/18/2019 12:18 a.m.
Q:

Dear Married with Children Members of the 100 Hour Board,

I am breastfeeding and everything has been going great. I love my body now more than ever before. It really is incredible to me that my body created another body and is still taking care of it. Recently though, I have started to get aroused while breastfeeding. I looked it up and although it is not common, it can be a normal reaction for some women. Some women can even orgasm while breastfeeding if their legs are crossed. A lot of women don't talk about it because a) it is kind of weird and b) some people hear this and think you are sexually abusing your baby. (Some women have gotten separated from their babies for telling others about this.) It's not that at all. By the end of the day, I am desperate for my husband to get home, but lately, my baby has wanted to eat more in the evenings and by the time the baby is asleep so is my husband.

Would you tell your husband if this was happening to you? Again, it sounds weird and I don't want him to take it the wrong way. Would you want your wife to tell you if this was happening to her?

I really like breastfeeding, but it is super frustrating to be fully aroused and then nothing. Is there another way to calm down? Now I am nervous about crossing my legs while nursing because if I orgasm by myself is that masturbation? If this has happened to you, does it last the whole time you are breastfeeding?

-don't know who to talk to about this

A:

Dear friend,

I have no children and have never been in this situation, so take my advice for what it's worth. 

I think it's normal for our bodies to be different and react to things differently. While it may not be common (I had no idea this could happen before), after learning this I think it shows another fascinating thing that our bodies can do. In your shoes I would tell your husband in the same way you told us. (minnow just said if he was in your husband's shoes it might get him excited to know he has an eager wife waiting for him after work so...that's a possibility.) 

I also have a bit of a soapbox when it comes to masturbation in marriage. If you are married and want to release sexual tension but your spouse is not around/is not willing at the moment, PLEASE MASTURBATE. (Wow it feels weird to type that on a somewhat BYU affiliated website.) Talk to your spouse first and make sure you're on the same page about this, but seriously this is so much a better option than feeling letdown all the time (which could built resentment against your spouse) or forcing yourself on your unwilling spouse (which is thankfully not your situation but it is the case for a number of couples and it needs to stop). There's even a professor at BYU who teaches SFL 376 who teaches that it's okay for couples to masturbate as long as it's relationship focused. In some sex and marriage books by LDS authors, such as And They Were Not Ashamed, they actually encourage some form of self-exploration or masturbation after marriage. Obviously this is your (and your spouse's) decision, but that's my opinion on the matter.

I'm sorry you've felt so alone about this, but hopefully simply sharing this with us (and perhaps your husband if you so choose) has helped!

-guppy of doom

A:

Dear you,

When I hit puberty and felt my first twinges of sexual desire, I had no idea what was going on with my body or what it meant (my knowledge of sex was extremely limited). The only description I could come up with was that I wanted to breastfeed a baby, and it was like I could feel that craving in my breasts. I know that's a slightly different situation, but you definitely aren't alone. Nipple stimulation can be very arousing, even in a less-than-erotic context.

If I were in your place, I would tell my husband. Sexuality can be difficult to talk about, even within a marriage, but you should be able to confide in him about what turns you on. It might be beneficial to your sex life and he might be able to adjust his schedule to better accommodate your desires. If you approach it delicately, and explain the situation with the nuance you did in your question here, I'm sure your husband will understand. I also agree with guppy of doom that if you and your husband talk about it and are on the same page, you shouldn't feel guilty about masturbating.

-a writer