"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrell Royal
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Of all our 45 US Presidents, which one had the biggest nose? I know who was the tallest, heaviest, thinnest, etc. But I know several had nice-sized honkers. Whose out-sized all of the others?

Thanks.

-Proboscis Pete

A:

Dear person,

Here are pictures of all of the US Presidents in order. I took them all from this Wikipedia article.

George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Madison James Monroe
1_george_washington.webp  2_john_adams.webp  3_thomas_jefferson.jpg  4_james_madison.jpg  5_james_monroe.jpg
         
 John Quincy Adams  Andrew Jackson  Martin Van Buren  William Henry Harrison  John Tyler
 6_john_q_adams.webp  7_andrew_jackson.webp  8_martin_van_buren.webp  9_william_harrison.webp  10_john_tyler.webp
         
 James K. Polk  Zachary Taylor  Millard Fillmore  Franklin Pierce  James Buchanan
 11_james_polk.jpg  12_zachary_taylor.jpg  13_millard_fillmore.webp  14_franklin_pierce.webp  15_james_buchanan.webp
         
 Abraham Lincoln  Andrew Johnson  Ulysses S. Grant  Rutherford B. Hayes  James A. Garfield
 16_abraham_lincoln.webp  17_andrew_johnson.webp  18_ulysses_grant.jpg  19_rutherford_hayes.webp  20_james_garfield.jpg
         
 Chester A. Arthur  Grover Cleveland  Benjamin Harrison  Grover Cleveland  William McKinley
 21_chester_arthur.webp  22_grover_cleveland.webp 23_benjamin_harrison.jpg  22_grover_cleveland_1.webp  24_william_mckinley.webp
         
 Theodore Roosevelt  William Howard Taft  Woodrow Wilson  Warren G. Harding  Calvin Coolidge
 25_theodore_roosevelt.webp  26_william_taft.webp  27_woodrow_wilson.webp 28_warren_harding.jpg   29_calvin_coolidge.jpg
         
 Herbert Hoover  Franklin D. Roosevelt  Harry S. Truman  Dwight D. Eisenhower  John F. Kennedy
 30_herbert_hoover.webp  31_franklin_roosevelt.webp 32_harry_truman.webp   33_dwight_eisenhower.webp  34_john_kennedy.webp
         
 Lyndon B. Johnson  Richard Nixon  Gerald Ford  Jimmy Carter  Ronald Reagan
 35_lyndon_johnson.jpg  36_richard_nixon.webp 37_gerald_ford.webp   38_jimmy_carter.webp  39_ronald_reagan.jpg
         
 George H.W. Bush  Bill Clinton  George W. Bush  Barack Obama  Donald Trump
 40_george_hw_bush.webp  41_bill_clinton.webp  42_george_w_bush.webp  43_barack_obama.webp  44_donald_trump.webp

There is a clear winner for the Biggest Nose Award: William Henry Harrison, whose nose is undoubtedly colossal. 

9_william_harrison.webp

Bravo, William! And now for our other award winners.

Next, we have Martin Van Buren winning the Biggest Hair Award:

8_martin_van_buren.webp

And for the Biggest Mullet Award, James K. Polk:

11_james_polk.jpg

And for the Biggest Beard Award, Rutherford B. Hayes:

19_rutherford_hayes.webp

And for the Biggest Mustache Award, the enviable William Howard Taft:

26_william_taft.webp

And the Best-Looking James Award goes to James Monroe, who beat out James Madison, James K. Polk, James Buchanan, James A. Garfield, and Jimmy Carter for the distinction:

5_james_monroe.jpg

I would also like to give Zachary Taylor (1) the Most Unhappy to have his Picture Taken Award and (2) Best Severus Snape Lookalike Award:

12_zachary_taylor.jpg

In a similar vein, Harry S. Truman is the clear winner for the Most Similarities to Harry Potter Award:

Screen Shot 2019-07-26 at 12.08.04 AM.png

And last but not least, the Most Likely to be Featured On Ancient Aliens Award goes to none other than Andrew Jackson:

7_andrew_jackson.webp

We hope you have enjoyed our award show this evening. 

-Sheebs

A:

Dear you,

Sure, you might care about who has the biggest nose, but have you ever wondered who is the hottest president?

Well, my friends, wonder no more.

But it doesn't end there, no no no! Who was the hottest when they were young and hunky? What about their vice presidents? WHAT ABOUT THE SIGNERS OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE?

Phew, I need to sit down... or just buy candles of these hot presidents.

-guppy of doom

A:

Dear proboscis monkey,

I'd say that the running is pretty close between George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt.

 MountRushmore.jpg
(source)

I just don't think the others can quite compare.

-Inklings

A:

Dear Proboscis Pete,

I am highly uncomfortable with you referring to noses with the word "proboscis." It's a gross word and they look gross in nature (except on elephants because everything about elephants is cute, including their trunks) (but probably only because we refer to them as "trunks" instead of "proboscises").

Just look at this tapir. It's cute, except for its weird, droopy proboscis.

proboscis.jpg

And what about this proboscis monkey?

proboscis 1.jpg

Finally, check out this nasty mosquito and its nasty proboscis (along with this accompanying unsettling article about how mosquitoes suck your blood):

proboscis mosquito.jpg

I hope these pictures cause you to think about your choice of verbiage in the future, Proboscis Pete.

-Alta