Everyone can be discontented if he ignores his blessings and looks only at his burdens. ~Thomas S. Monson
Question #92495 posted on 07/29/2019 2:17 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm trying to learn to quit over-scheduling myself. What's a lesson you're learning right now, and what's helping you grow and improve? (Also, if you have any advice on not over-scheduling I would appreciate it)

-Tipperary

A:

Dear Tips,

I have been working on this type of thing as well, specifically how I can better schedule my time and create an environment that I can work well in. Something that has been helping me is planning and trying to have the Spirit guide me as I plan. I don't expect to be guided all the time, but at least being guided to know the kinds of things to do and what schedule to build helps me to feel like what I'm doing has value. I'm starting to feel confident about succeeding fall semester.

For over-scheduling, I would suggest that you figure out what your needs and limits are. If you can feel confident turning down something because you know that it will interfere with how you function or with things that are more important, I feel that it means that you are maintaining a healthy relationship with the pressures on you. Another things that I sometimes struggle with is knowing how long things actually take. You can try timing how long it takes you to get ready in the morning, to do your laundry, or to do other things, and then fit them into your schedule accordingly.

Best of luck,

Inklings

A:

Dear Tipperary,

I'm at the stage in my program where I need to start making plans for after I leave BYU. This has required a lot of self-assessment, which I am realizing is something I avoid. I think I avoid self-assessment because I'm a perfectionist; if I'm not absolutely 100% amazing at something, my gut reaction is to not think about it.

I guess the thing I am in the process of learning is that I don't have to be completely incredible at something to be pretty darn good at it. Also, there is nothing wrong with owning and celebrating the things I'm good at! In fact, I think it's necessary in order to continue developing my attributes and skills because it allows me to self-assess more clearly. 

Thanks for the question, it helped me to figure out what I am working through. As for not over-scheduling, the way I've personally handled this in the past few years is to only say yes to the things (e.g., events, projects, whatever) that I actually want to do. I am still a little over-scheduled but it could be far worse. Good luck to you as you figure things out.

-Sheebs

A:

Tipperary,

Right now I'm learning to actually identify what I really really want and actually believing in those things. A fun corny way to put it is that I'm learning not to shoot for the stars, but to choose my favorite star and shoot for that. You can really actually do anything, but you can't do everything. Planning is helping me improve, even though it's always felt impossible to me. Also I've learned to use affirmations to keep my focus on who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. 

I guess that's my advice about over-scheduling too. You gotta choose. If it helps, remind yourself that there is time to be that other person too. You just might have to do it at a different time in life. Decide what you want to be right now, and what you will save for later. 

Babalugats

A:

Dear Tupperware, 

I have been learning not to attach my worth to what other people think of me, and to be proud of myself, my life, and my decisions.

Often, I'm a little too good at acknowledging personal character flaws. I have mentioned before that I deal with a lot of guilt and feeling like I'm disappointing people... even though I'm a normal human being with normal human flaws, who is entitled to make decisions for myself. But still... I always worry about not being good enough for my family, Pebble, my friends, the Board, my boss... everyone. 

So right now, I'm learning to look at myself and say "I'm doing a good job! I am proud of myself and my accomplishments. My choices and opinions are valid and important, and people do not have to agree with everything I do for me to be a good person who is worthy of love." Affirmations, and that kind of thing. 

And it's working! I have been a lot more straightforward with my parents and friends about my plans to get married, which for a long time was a point of tension - because I thought my parents were not happy for me for 1) not serving a mission and 2) dating and wanting to marry Pebble, who also isn't an RM. But! We are so happy together, and I am confident and super excited about our decision. It has been really liberating to do what I know makes me happy, without attaching my idea of self-worth to what others may think about me. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

A:

Dear Tipperary,

One of the things I've realized is that being over-scheduled is okay as long as the state of being over-scheduled doesn't last for too long. 

When I was in high school, I had tons of free time (I didn't have a job, homework rarely took me more than 1 or 2 hours a day, and I wasn't involved in that many extra-curriculars). Then I got to college, and with each successive year, I became more and more incredibly over-scheduled (mainly with academics). But I was willing to pretty much give up a couple years of my life because I knew that it wouldn't last forever. I mean, it certainly felt like it would and it's really surreal that now it's in my past, but there was always a guaranteed end.

I guess the point of me sharing this is that the real reason I was constantly over-scheduled was because that was a price I was willing to pay. Yeah, sometimes it sucked in the moment, but I knew that in the long term it would either pay off, or not matter. So, I never was motivated enough to stop myself from signing up for too much. Perhaps a question to ask yourself would be whether being over-scheduled will matter or even pay off in the long term, and how long you expect to be over-scheduled.

As far as other life lessons go, I'm learning that sometimes the lack of reasons not do something is reason enough to do it.

~Anathema

A:

Dear Tippers,

Learn how to say no. It could be to someone else, or it could be to yourself.

With having three sets of "in-laws" due to multiple divorces, we got invited to something every. single. week. As an introvert, I always wanted to please them and come to every dinner, event, etc. But it drained me to the point where the weekends weren't even relaxing anymore and I began to burn myself out. It was no longer fun! Now three years later, I've finally found a happy balance between spending time with the in-laws and being the hermit that I am.

Think of the Good, Better, Best talk. Look at everything that you're doing and prioritize. Are there some things that are sucking up your life that you could do without? Are you not getting as much satisfaction from something that you could do without? What do you do that you need to do in order not to burn yourself out? Make sure to take some time out for yourself so you have balance.

One of the things I'm working on is not being so hard on myself. I tend to be a perfectionist, so if I don't read my scriptures every day I feel like I'm not good enough. (Even if I'm making progress and reading them more versus a month ago.) I always like to remember the phrase, "God knows the intentions of your heart." That's stuck with me since I heard it over five years ago.

 -Goldie Rose