"In my defense... I saw 'Bring It On'..." -Anonymous Board Writer
Question #92578 posted on 09/08/2019 10:36 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My husband has totally lost his sex drive. He thinks that since we fell in love and waited until we were married to have sex, sex isn't a need and we don't need to do it that often. I want more sex to feel connected to him. What are some good lds resources that talk about sex as a need/in general?

Sexless in Seattle


Dear Sexless,

I'm sorry about that. I also feel like sex is a very powerful way to stay connected to your spouse. I don't have good recommendations about good Church resources that talk about sex as a need. In fact, I don't think that's where I would even start if I were in your shoes. I would recommend talking from your heart and letting him know why you waited to have sex with him in the first place. Help him understand where your sexual desire is coming from. Is it because you want to feel wanted? Is it because you have some sexual tension built up and need a healthy way to release it? Is it because you feel like sex is one of the most vulnerable ways to connect with a spouse? 

I think if you can help him understand how you view sex, not how the Church or Church leaders view sex, then you'll get a better response. If you continue to struggle with this in your marriage, it might be worth going to a sex therapist. If you decide to go, please know that there is nothing shameful about seeing a therapist. In fact, I think it's actually a pretty noble thing to do.

Good luck and good sex!

-Sunday Night Banter


Dear Sleeping in Seattle,

I'll link some LDS resources that talk about this. However, I think you may need more than just showing him these books/articles/talks. If you haven't already, talk with him about why you want more sex. Even if he thinks it isn't a need, he can hopefully understand that it's something his wife wants, which may make him more open to it. Talk and see if his low sex drive is due to his natural self (some people naturally have higher or lower sex drives), or due to any problems or feelings lately, as things like depression may impact sex drives.

"Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments" by Elder Holland. 

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach and counselor. While I haven't read or listened to any of her stuff, my coworker highly recommends her.

Sexual Wholeness in Marriage.

And They Were Not Ashamed.

This article has some good advice and resources.

Finally, there's some good quotes here.

-guppy of doom 


Dear friend,

I saw an advertisement in the JFSB for a website that you might be interested in. Here is the website. 


posted on 09/09/2019 1:03 p.m.
Kristin B. Hodson is a great resource- she's one of the co-authors of a book that guppy of doom linked to above, but she's also really active on Instagram, with small helpful tips and questions to help you think about sex, and encourage communication. I've loved when she'll open it up as a forum for her readers to share their own experiences- it could definitely help the question asker feel less alone. In general, it's just a quick and easy way to get info and a community.
Her website is kristinbhodson.com and her instagram handle is @kristinbhodson.

If the question asker is looking for more, she's also the founder of "The Healing Group" a mental health center centered around sex positivity with clinics around Utah.
posted on 09/09/2019 2:32 p.m.
Please encourage your husband to visit with his doctor. Loss of sex drive could be the result of a medical condition or a side effect of medications. I know you asked for resources to show him why sex is important in a relationship, but there should also be a conversation with a doctor.
posted on 09/10/2019 9:44 p.m.
I would recommend reading "Love and Marriage" by Sister Wendy W. Nelson, President Nelson's wife. It talks a lot about the importance of intimacy and why we should express love deeply and often.