Dear 100 Hour Board,
My husband has totally lost his sex drive. He thinks that since we fell in love and waited until we were married to have sex, sex isn't a need and we don't need to do it that often. I want more sex to feel connected to him. What are some good lds resources that talk about sex as a need/in general?
Sexless in Seattle
I'm sorry about that. I also feel like sex is a very powerful way to stay connected to your spouse. I don't have good recommendations about good Church resources that talk about sex as a need. In fact, I don't think that's where I would even start if I were in your shoes. I would recommend talking from your heart and letting him know why you waited to have sex with him in the first place. Help him understand where your sexual desire is coming from. Is it because you want to feel wanted? Is it because you have some sexual tension built up and need a healthy way to release it? Is it because you feel like sex is one of the most vulnerable ways to connect with a spouse?
I think if you can help him understand how you view sex, not how the Church or Church leaders view sex, then you'll get a better response. If you continue to struggle with this in your marriage, it might be worth going to a sex therapist. If you decide to go, please know that there is nothing shameful about seeing a therapist. In fact, I think it's actually a pretty noble thing to do.
Good luck and good sex!
-Sunday Night Banter
Dear Sleeping in Seattle,
I'll link some LDS resources that talk about this. However, I think you may need more than just showing him these books/articles/talks. If you haven't already, talk with him about why you want more sex. Even if he thinks it isn't a need, he can hopefully understand that it's something his wife wants, which may make him more open to it. Talk and see if his low sex drive is due to his natural self (some people naturally have higher or lower sex drives), or due to any problems or feelings lately, as things like depression may impact sex drives.
"Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments" by Elder Holland.
Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach and counselor. While I haven't read or listened to any of her stuff, my coworker highly recommends her.
I saw an advertisement in the JFSB for a website that you might be interested in. Here is the website.