Dear 100 Hour Board,
Do you need to vent about school projects, finals, your job, or anything else? Here's your chance!
Bless you, Goldie Rose,
I'm so tired. Is this what being burned out feels like? I feel like every living adult in this country recognizes that being a teacher is hard and can be exhausting, but teachers are expected to make it seem easy and act like they're constantly enthused about everything. Luckily for me my almost constant state of being is enthused about everything, but even so, despite knowing beforehand that your first year teaching is so hard and time consuming, I had no idea just how hard and time consuming it really was. Once I add in my commute I'm easily working 12 hours a day several times a week, and that doesn't count the time I spend working at home in the evenings and on the weekends. Also, working with middle schoolers is a constant roller coster because some days they're so great and I love my job, and other days they're just filled with mean comments about their classmates and inappropriate drawings on my whiteboard. Anyway, I actually do really like my job and I'm happy to be a teacher, but I'm also barely holding out till Christmas break.
YES. Please and thank you.
Okay, so it's over now, I'm done. But let me just tell you, WHO GAVE ME THE AUDACITY to sign up for 4 sociology classes at once? You know what pretty much EVERY sociology class has at the end of the semester? A HUGE FREAKING RESEARCH PAPER. They're always 8-12 pages, tons of literature review, and almost none of my classes have anything to do with each other so I can't overlap my work at all. I was so STUPID.
I know this complaint will likely fall on deaf ears as well, but I've been trying really really hard to keep a 4.0, and will continue to do so for as long as possible. The problem is, getting an A- isn't a big deal! It means I did a really good job! But now, I obsessively check my grades and have such crippling anxiety over doing a perfect job on my papers that I procrastinate them because I'm stressed about them and it's just a horrible cycle.
I am grateful to myself for planning my wedding so far in advance because otherwise I would hate everything right now.
You know what else is stupid? Having finals so close to Christmas. I never think about getting gifts until the last second because I'm so stressed about everything else, so the holidays are triply frantic. Then I beat myself up because I suck at getting meaningful gifts for people because I don't have any time to think about anything. It feels like school has robbed me of my time and ability to think about other people.
Also, I had to delete Facebook off my phone so I stopped checking it because I'm sick of reading my relatives horribly racist, ignorant posts. It is beyond my comprehension that Mormons would fall victim to this discourse comparing Trump to Jesus Christ. He's cutting welfare for hundreds of thousands of needy families, he intentionally separated families at the border, he is one of the most hateful, angry, disrespectful and unholy people to ever walk the earth, and they're comparing him to... Jesus? I'm SORRY. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO PEOPLE????
So yes. Merry impeachment. He had it coming and totally deserves it. I'm disappointed in all the Utah representatives who didn't vote for impeachment to save their own political butts. They have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
Also, the county commissioner went back on his word and MAJORLY cut the county 4-H budget, so that also pisses me off. 4-H is an incredible program that, because it is subsidized by the county, enables underprivileged kids to participate in community action, civic engagement, and social/cultural/human capital development. To destroy the budget is heartless, especially when pretty much every 4-H member and alumni alive wrote letters and showed up to the hearing at 9 am and were promised there would be deep consideration and leniency. YEAH RIGHT. As if we can possibly trust the bureaucrats to do anything useful.
I am dumbfounded by the lack of empathy and care for the less fortunate in the world right now. It's hard for me to feel happy about the spirit of Christmas when it feels like we've entirely forgotten what it means to be kind and unselfish. And that kind of evil spreads.
I'm grateful for a lot of things right now too, but it's nice to have a place to just vent about why I'm angry. So there you go. At least there's Coldplay in the world.
Dearest Goldie Rose,
Thank you. This was cathartic. With that said, I have mellowed out quite a bit since my first answer, which I wrote immediately following a bad midterm.
I took American Heritage this semester, and despite the erstwhile helpfulness of both the course coordinator and the TAs, all of whom were very committed to helping me, I am really not impressed with the deliberate decisions that make the class what it is. As someone whose major courses are pretty technical and not always easy to simplify into layman's terms, it's incredible to me that a required introductory course in a field that really isn't technical at all is not only this unnecessarily difficult, but actually prides itself on it. I totally understand the purpose of "weed-out" classes, especially for popular, crowded programs, but this course is neither advanced nor specific to the program; huge amounts of students take it because it's all but required for the majority of them. If you ask me, the reputation it has is deserved only because it goes far out of its way and well beyond the actual demands of its material to cultivate it, which is frustrating because I know that the vast majority of the historical minutiae I committed to memory (e.g. what exactly George Fitzhugh was arguing in "Cannibals All!") will be gone and forgotten by the start of next semester. I did the whole gamut of US history and politics in high school--AP US History, AP Government, and the We The People competition, to name a few. The political and historical story of the nation is not new to me and neither is developing and defending complicated political arguments based on precedent. Testing me primarily by asking me to remember an entire library of figures both major and minor as well as the precise details of their often complex and multifaceted arguments--more than a demonstrated familiarity with the development of history and political philosophy in thorough, broad strokes--well, it's a great way to make a difficult course that weeds students out and unnecessarily damages one's GPA, but it doesn't really make for a good, enjoyable academic experience.
With that said, second-chance grading saved both of my midterms and by extension my entire grade. I just feel that the class is almost about playing the system more than it is a genuine investment in the development of American history and politics, and I think the whole reputation it's elected to set up for itself is unfortunate for that reason.
Dear golden friend,
My job is usually pretty great. We make questionnaires for advertisements, send them out to random people, analyze the data, and present the results. I feel torn between being a success and a capitalistic shrill when I see ads online that I approved weeks ago. I also really enjoy reading what people have written about the ads they watched, particularly when they describe just how much they hate the company in question. And I've never felt more satisfied than when I read racist, bigoted, and sexist comments and delete them off the face of the earth.
But there are days like today when I deeply regret this job.
You see, part of my job is waiting around. Waiting for the surveys to be coded, or waiting for people to take the surveys, or waiting for the company to decide which of their hundreds of flipping ads they want to send us. During which times you can't take your lunch outside, or go on a walk, or get deeply engrossed in a good book, because you have to be ready and available the moment that data becomes available.
When these times come, I do what any good employee would do - I email others for work. I email my trainer. I email my coworker. I email the account manager. I email the project manager.
Today I got desperate enough that I emailed our division's manager. He lives on the east coast. I've never met him in person. It took me ten minutes to get the guts to send this simple message: "Hi there! I have some free time and would love to help with any projects you're working on."
His response? "Will do for sure. Just waiting on some links..."
Ladies and gentlemen of the Board, I present to you - a job where even my manager has nothing to do.
-guppy of doom
PREGNANCY IS HARD. There are reasons that people don't tell you the symptoms of pregnancy before you get pregnant...
This week brought me to the fourth unique cause this year for something going wrong with my right eye. I spent all of yesterday after work clutching a ziploc full of ice to my eye to try and get all the painful swelling down (seriously, it was so swollen that the facial movements required for talking hurt). My eye has been too swollen for contacts, and so I've had to to wear glasses. This adds a whole new level of fun: the glasses aren't adjusted for the astigmatism in my left eye, so I get bad headaches from wearing glasses too many days in a row.
In other bad health news, I might have to get a root canal. Woot.
P.S. I do not currently have to get a root canal, though my poor tooth definitely needs a crown since so much of it was just removed.
Dear Goldie Rose,
You are my hero.
This semester has been so hard.
I have seasonal depression and anxiety, which are now in full swing. Mental illnesses are invisible illnesses, which make them kind of hard for me to deal with. I’m sick, but it’s hard for people to understand that unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Heck, it's even difficult for Healthy Summer Josefina to relate to Sick Winter Josefina. It feels really dumb to tell people that the reason I can’t focus or leave my house is that I’m sad or anxious, because the obvious answer is to just suck it up and do what needs to be done. But I’m sick, and fatigued, and sometimes I can’t manage that. So I just end up coming off as lazy/distant/insane to the people around me.
In addition to that, I have way more responsibilities than I can handle, and I’m failing all my classes. I'm also having trouble finding the time to deal with some personal things that are unrelated to school. This is my fault, because I overbooked myself this semester. I'm not really looking for pity, but I do wish people would let me acknowledge that I'm not doing well. No one believes me when I say that I'm failing because I have a history of being a good student and I got a nice internship for this summer. So, obviously things aren’t totally falling apart, right?
Actually, I just had an idea. Dear readers, let's do a quiz! Teen magazine-style. For education!
*** QUIZ: HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE? ***
Question 1: Your friend comes to you and says, "Wow. I'm failing everything."
What do you say? Write it down.
Now, find the closest match below and assign yourself the corresponding point value.
"No you're not!" (1 point)
"But not really, right?" (1 point)
"Do you mean failing failing, or oh-no-I-got-an-85-on-the-test failing?" (1 point)
"But failing for you just means you're not getting an A." (1 point)
"Sorry about that." (2 points)
"Yikes. Been there." (2 points)
"Anything I can do to help?" (2 points)
"Yeah, that class is rough." (2 points)
"I'm not doing well either." (2 points)
"Is it school? Or is something else bothering you?" (2 points)
"Even if you don't do well, I'm sure it will be okay in the long term." (2 points)
"Frick that. Come watch a movie with me." (3 points)
Got it? How many points did you end up with?
If you got 1 point: You meant well but your response was, uh, not that helpful. Try again.
If you got 2 points: Hey, that was helpful! Way to go.
If you got 3 points: You're one of my real-life friends and this was surprisingly helpful. Thanks for that, [REDACTED].
Congratulations! Now you have the tools to stop minimizing your friends' problems!
...Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I really needed that, apparently. It's not every day that I make weird passive-aggressive quizzes.
Dear Goldie Rose,
This semester was an example to me that I should not be allowed to plan my own schedule. I want to graduate as soon as possible, I want to take advantage of all of the opportunities at BYU, I have a lot of interests that I want to pursue. AND SO I thought it would be a good idea to: take 18 credits, work 20 hours a week, work backstage on a play, and sign up for multiple extracurricular activities/clubs. Back in September, I finished the first week of school and realized that I had given myself NO TIME to take a break for longer than 5 minutes in between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.
BUT even though it sucked and everyone told me to drop a class, I DIDN'T because I didn't want to feel like I was giving up. WHICH WAS NOT A GOOD REASON.
The play that I was working backstage on is over so I have more time now. But since for most of the semester I haven't had a lot of time, I haven't been able to work out consistently and eat well so my body feels like it is falling apart.
Also, I have my 'Quantum Mechanics and 20th Century Europe' final next Monday and I'm still not sure I could explain what quantum mechanics actually means. That's a good sign.
And lastly, I am getting behind at work and don't like my new boss.
Group projects are just like the total worst. I hate feeling like I'm needed in 3 different places at once. Also, I'm in a class and our project is just not working and absorbing our entire lives. So needy. That is all.
Except wait, a bunch of people asked a professor to make the final a take home final because it was the last day of finals starting at 6 pm. We talked him into it, but he gave us a 20 minute lecture about making other people run your life. He listed bad excuses such as "getting married" and "parents bought plane tickets before that date" and "there isn't space in the room we were assigned". He told us that we need to grow up and that life wasn't like that, and that he was disappointed in us.
EXCUSE ME?!?! You sir, missed class 6 times this semester! Often times with less than 12 hour notice! In the real world you can ask for work off and you get sick days. Have you been in the real world. Also, we aren't inconveniencing you in any way possible! if we were asking you to stay later, or come in at multiple times, or grade extra etc, then I understand. But we are literally making your life easier by not forcing you to come in that day. Also, very poor taste calling everyone out like that and lecture us. Grow up professor. A vague, passive agressive-judgey rant is not professional.
He asked if we disagreed with him, and I was literally ready to call him out in front of everyone, but I had fallen asleep in his class basically every single day of the semester so chickened out. So thanks reader for giving me the chance to complain about my stupid professor. This has been very cathartic.
You know what? I really don't have much to vent about, which is crazy because I am known for being a complainer. This semester has just been good to me, and I am really, really grateful for it.
Dear gulping plimpie,
I'm on the verge of finishing a Big Board Writing Project Detailing Writing Experiences--you'll know it when you see it--but I can't finish the darn thing because just when I figure I've included everything I need to I am forced to admit indeed I have not, like earlier today when I was pursued by a gangster hobo through an abandoned lot and along a garbage-filled canal today in Las Vegas. #natureisamazing
He is brave Ardilla
Brave Ardilla ran away.
Bravely ran away away.
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Ardilla turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Swiftly taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the brave, Ardilla!