If you want to arrange it, this world you can change it. -Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Question #92826 posted on 01/21/2020 9:42 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Any good Mutual date stories? (Cringy preferred)

-Güero

A:

Dear Blondie,

I have a string of 3 cringy dates that all happened in the span of 1 week (1 Tinder, 2 Mutual). Guys, these were so bad. I'm so glad that I'm engaged and don't have to worry about the dating scene. Prepare yourself for the mighty trifecta of cringe:

Part I: Seems a Little Sketch

Once upon a Tuesday midnight one summer term, I was laying in my bed watching cooking tutorials on YouTube. I couldn't fall asleep and was trying to find some interesting new recipes when I received a notification from my phone. It was from Tinder. I opened up the app, and saw a message that read "you up?". For those not in the know, typically "you up" messages late at night on dating apps are bad news. At that time of night, most date options are closed, except of course for the classic NCMO or Netflix-and-chill. 

I was not about that life, but I was bored, and just wanted to see where the conversation would end up for the heck of it. I responded to the "you up" with a "yeah why?" and they responded that they were "feeling lonely". So far this conversation is 2 for 2 down the sketch train. I told them I was sorry to hear that, and the asked if I would like to go for a drive with me. I asked them where I would hypothetically pick them up and they responded with "The Riviera". A perfect 3 for 3.

Now, at this point, there are hopefully some red flags going off for you. I clearly would be stupid to pick up some random lonely stranger off Tinder from the Riviera to go for a drive at midnight. The only thing worse would be agreeing to get in some random stranger's from Tinder's car to go for a drive at midnight. So, in all my wisdom I texted them "I'll be there in 10 minutes". 

Now, before you judge me, let me defend myself. Number 1: I was driving the car, so it was less likely I would be kidnapped. Number 2: sketchy business doesn't happen when you go for a drive, it happens when you park the car. If I didn't park the car, I would be fine. So that was my plan.

So I went, picked her up, and started driving around. I asked her about herself, and then she preceded to tell me her entire life story. Like, everything. She told me about her relationship with her family, about struggling to pick a major, about dealing with societal expectations, and about her stupid exes. At some point, she either consciously or subconsciously realized that I wasn't going to park the car to engage in additional activities, so she decided (either consciously or not) to just take the opportunity to use me as her therapist.

This went on for over 2 hours before I finally told her that I had to go to bed. I thought it would be a good idea to agree to this very sketch date just to have a conversation and I definitely I got more than I bargained for. I dropped her off and we never spoke again. So I think this actually ended in the best possible situation.

Part II: Touchy Subject

So I was talking to an Art History major on Mutual and decided that going to the MOA was a no-brainer. So I ask her on a date, and we meet up in the MOA, and start looking at the art. One of the exhibits was photographs of railroads of the Western United States. There was one photo of El Paso and she said "I've been there once. It was for my uncle's funeral. He was a drug dealer." So that's something that actually happened.

Then we went upstairs and she started touching the paintings! Like, there were 200-year-old paintings that this chick was feeling to see how they did certain artistic techniques. I was so shocked I couldn't even say anything. Anyways, the date ended and we never spoke again.

Part III: Not a Morning Person

I had been talking to this woman on Mutual, and I asked her out on a date. She said that for first dates she liked to take guys to go kickboxing with her. So, I thought, hey might as well try something new. My car was broken, so she agreed to pick me up.

The first problem with this date is that it started at 8 am in the morning. So, not a good way to start. The second problem was the actual kickboxing. The kickboxing gym she went to runs things as a circuit, and we ended up in being different parts of the circuit. So we didn't really get to talk to each other during the date. Also, it was so hard and I absolutely died. I couldn't even finish the workout, and I was absolutely drenched in sweat

The workout only lasted like 30 minutes, so we decided to go to the creamery and do breakfast. I was too sick to eat anything, so I just got a Powerade, and she got a Powerade as well. I was going to pay for her, but she pulled out her card and paid for herself before I got the chance. I think she was upset that I didn't pay for her, I was too tired to have any conversation, and it was generally just a train wreck. 

I asked her out again, but she said she wasn't interested in dating or pursuing a relationship. Later on, I learned that I was the 7th guy she had gone a date with that week and that she had another date like 1 hour after our date.

But wait! This story does not end like the others. A few days later, they asked if I was a morning person. I said no, and she suggested that we go on another date, but this time in the afternoon. We went out again, and it went way better and we just kept getting better and now she's my fiancee! (Board Question #92834).

I know that you were looking for cringy stories, but I just wanted to say that not all cringy stories end badly. Sometimes things can turn out well even though they start out awful. So there's hope my friends!

Peace,

Tipperary

A:

Dear Güero,

I met my husband before Mutual existed, but I've followed 'ProvosWorstDates' on Instagram ever since it started up. There are many, and I mean many Mutual stories on there. I also follow 'USUWorstDates' since it popped up into my recommended Instagrams to follow.

There's also 'BYUBadBreakups' and there's a story featured from yours truly. It's not focused on Mutual stories, but just cringe worthy breakups to read about.

It seems that we don't have many cringy stories, so I can share a cringy dating story of mine from EIGHT years ago. I feel so old...

When I was 18, I went to devotional at BYUI and apparently one of my roommate's friends thought I was cute when he saw me, sitting two seats away. I came home the next day and my roommate handed me a pizza. Confused, I opened it and saw that there was a slice taken out. There was a pizza slice shaped napkin in place of the missing slice. The napkin included a poem to ask me out along with his phone number. (I was going through my memory boxes and I still have the napkin!) I didn't even remember who the guy was even after my roommate tried to describe me to him. She was hyping him up big time, and threw in there that he was an RM. I told him yes and that weekend we went out. (I found out later my roommate was the one who ate the pizza slice.)

I wasn't attracted him to him at all when I first saw him, but I gave him a chance after all that my roommate said about him. (I was also told to say yes to the first date as long as you feel safe.) We went to Cocoa Bean and got hot cocoa. Conversation was okay, but there were plenty of awkward silences. (To be fair, this was my first semester at BYUI and I hadn't gone on many dates.) He tells me that he has a craft planned out for us since he asked my roommate what I liked to do.

We walked up to his apartment door and there were condoms all over it with a note stating that the apartment was all ours and that he should 'get some'. He grabbed everything from the door and threw it on the floor while profusely apologizing. We saw that none of his roommates were home and I knew it was against the honor code to be alone with him in his apartment. He told me to come in anyway and I was uncomfortable, but I really wanted to do the craft... It was on my bucket list!

The craft was a mess since he was hurrying along to get to the next part of the date (me being unaware of part three). He bought a piece of canvas and a box of crayons. The craft was supposed to look a little like this:

 Canvas.png

(source)

But... it looked NOTHING like that.

Since I'm a perfectionist, I naturally wanted the crayons to be straight, placed evenly apart, and have the wrapper placed the same way every time. Instead, he ended up shoving all the crayons on the canvas with the wrappers whichever way, placed close together and then far apart, and the crayons were straying from the edge. I offered to place the crayons on the canvas to try and recover it, but he wouldn't let me. I didn't even want it anymore at that point.

He tried to melt the crayons, but the wax kept splattering all over the table. I took over and placed the hair dryer straight down, closer to the crayons and it worked. (He had the hair dryer angle all wrong.) After the craft was done, he gave it to me. Then he asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I told him that I had a paper to work on and needed to finish it as it was due soon (plus I didn't think the date would last THIS long). He looked super disappointed, but I was a pushover and said I could grab my laptop and work on it during the movie. He got really excited and agreed. We lived in the same apartment complex so I walked over and grabbed my laptop. I kept to myself the entire movie and avoided any and all moves he made on me. There was no second date as the first date was well over 5 hours long. He got married quickly after the semester was over, and I submitted my mission papers instead. 

-Goldie Rose

A:

Dear you,

One time, my friend went out with a girl he met on Mutual. Their schedules didn't line up very well, so after a little bit of back and forth, he ended up just taking her to get Sonic at 8 or 9 pm. The date was fine - they talked some, and he thought she was nice enough, but they didn't click particularly well. So far, so average.

Once they were done, they headed back to drop her off at home. Their conversation reached a natural stopping point just as he pulled up to her apartment, which was perfect - except that the girl didn't want to get out of the car. She carried on talking as if they hadn't arrived. My friend got the feeling that she might want to kiss him, but he wasn't into it. On the other hand, he also didn't want to be rude by asking her to get out of his car. So, he just politely entertained the conversation and hoped that she would catch a hint soon enough. After a while, he decided to turn off his car so he wasn't idling. A few minutes later, the conversation died for a few seconds; he became hopeful that she was going to say goodnight and head inside. Instead, she just asked another question and started an entirely new conversation. This happened several times.

After what seemed like forever, she finally wrapped up the conversation. In relief, my friend got ready to drive back home, only to discover that his car wouldn't start because the battery had died. At this point, it was pretty late in the night, and neither he nor his date could think of anywhere to find jumper cables. His date suggested that he leave his car outside her apartment and let her take him home. He was nervous about leaving his car, but she thought it would be fine. He gave in and left a note on his car, explaining the situation and promising to come back first thing in the morning - "I promise, I want my car out of here as much as you do." He left and came back the next morning to find that his car had been towed. Later that day, his brother drove him to get his car back. As it turns out, jumping the car wasn't going to be enough; he had to replace the battery entirely.

Between the towing fee and the new battery, that very mediocre Mutual date was the most expensive one my friend's ever been on.

Best,

Josefina