"We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us." -Chris Stevens
Question #92855 posted on 01/31/2020 5:15 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I read the Board a lot before coming to BYU and some when I first got here—mainly for college advice. It served me well. Thank you.

Now, I'm about to graduate, and I've never met someone who writes for the Board.

Thus, I wonder, and ask: Who are you all? What do you look like? What do you study? Where do you come from, why are you here, where are you going?

I'd like to be able to picture the average Board member in my head. Please help.


-provosmodeeligible

A:

Dear Man in the Middle,

If you've been reading the Board consistently, you probably already know that I am more than a little odd in temperament, and a massive nerd. As for what I look like, I have light brown curly hair that only gets brushed about once a week, a nose too large for my liking, and am tall, on the thin side, and have eyes that are a cross between blue and green.

According to some of my co-workers, I came from Russia, am here to spy, and am going to be Russia's top secret agent (thank goodness they don't know that I really do have a secret identity). According to some of my next door neighbors, I came from nowhere, don't exist, and am probably headed towards champion ghostmanship (really, I got a knock on my door one day because my neighbor wanted to know if I was a real person; he seemed to view me as some kind of Boo Radley). 

Finally, we writers have been known to meet up with readers. If you really would like to meet some of us in person, you should shoot us an email (I'm always happy to meet readers in real life).

~Anathema

A:

Dear Eligible, 

I'm an average height, average looking junior female college student that dresses like a pretentious English major (according to my Twitter friends, anyway) but is a Sociology major. My hair is almost always up in a messy bun because that's just the way to live now. I drink a lot of smoothies and eat a lot of pasta and do a lot of walking. 

I'm interested in getting a Ph.D. in sociology, with a focus on social class and family, but I also like learning about race, gender, and criminology. I want to apply to the Master's program at BYU so hopefully I'll be around for a few more years. 

I'm also getting married at the end of the semester! My fiance is a huge sweetheart. When we go take some actual pictures, I'll put them up here.  

I'm on the Board because my only talents are seemingly meaningless research and listening (or in this case reading) my own words to feed my massive ego. Just kidding. Sort of. In any case I'm here because I like to help people, I like to learn new things, and I like the people that read and write for the Board. I'm at BYU because it's cheap and I like being able to have critical and analytical discussions about my faith. The sociology department - as the certifiably edgiest department on campus - is a great place to do that. While sometimes BYU can be incredibly frustrating, I am ultimately glad that I'm here. 

I'm going a lot of places. The registrar's office (my SFL 160 professor is actively recommending Prager U videos in class, and I ain't about to do that), probably back to the JFSB after that (I live here now), hopefully someday to some academic conferences. To be totally honest though, right now I wish I was going to bed. 8:00 am philosophy classes are not recommended. 

Cheers, 

Guesthouse

A:

Dear Reader,

What do you look like?

I don't look my age, according to the nice ASPCA guy outside of Walmart. He didn't think I was over 25, therefore ineligible to donate  electronically. WRONG-O. Anyway... I look like a 22 year old pregnant woman (one of my friends called called me a "toothpick with an olive in the middle"). But by the time you read this, I will just be a toothpick. (Getting induced y'all!!) I'm average height with curly brown hair. My boss says I have a big Snoopy smile, and that's something I smile about. I wear comfy clothes, since I like being comf. Being pregnant for the last 9 months, the only hope of having any comfort in your life is what you wear. Legging all day er' day! You will also never see me barefoot in the wintertime, because fuzzy socks are life. I also walk with a little waddle because of my tummy.

What do you study?

I studied Family History-Genealogy at BYU and graduated last April. Therefore, I stalk dead people. Who knew my pubescent stalking habits on my crushes on Myspace and Facebook would be so beneficial to my future career? Such a win.

Where do you come from? 

I came from Northern California, as that's where I grew up all of my life. But if you ask where I came from just now? The bathroom. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, where else would I be coming from? 

Why are you here?

I'm in Davis County to be closer to Carl's family, as his Mom and step-Dad only live 10 minutes away. They are SO excited to be grandparents and I'm SO excited to have a free babysitter! Carl also grew up in this area and we really love our ward. We want to put down our roots here with our kids so we can be close to lots of family. But apparently our ward is more ritzy than we expected (SO many Range Rovers and Teslas in the parking lot on Sunday). Which means we'll be saving up longer than we expected for a down payment on a house. But this ward is worth it!

Where are you going?

I'm hoping to go back to my mission areas this Fall with Carl and Carl Jr. It's been almost five years since I came home and I haven't visited yet! We just went back to Carl's mission in Tonga last Fall which makes this year my turn to reminisce the good and bad times of a mission.

 

Also, do not fret! You may already know a board writer. That's what happened to me! I figured out who Tipperary was after I had submitted my application to be a board writer. (But we weren't Facebook friends.) I mentioned to him how funny it would be if I was already Facebook friends with a board writer and didn't know. Bless good ol' Tipp Tipp, he had to bite his tongue for months before I realized who guppy of doom was- a mission friend! You never know, we could be lurking in your friend's list...

-Goldie Rose

A:

Dear you,

Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! That's an exciting accomplishment. I don't know if I fit the mold of the average Board writer, but I'd be happy to answer your questions.

  1. What do you look like? I'm shorter than the average male and I'm okay with that. I've got a longer nose than I would have preferred (if I had any choice), but then again my wife doesn't mind it. I'm very much white, and would like to be tan, but I wasn't given skin that tans very easily. I prefer to keep my hair short, size two clipper on the sides and back and a size seven clipper on the top. I like to put gel in my hair and "comb" it over with my fingers from my left to my right. I'm pretty skinny and haven't had to worry much about my weight for most of my life (I hope that continues as I get older). I usually wear shoes that don't have to be tied, or they just aren't tied. I'd like to think that I have an athletic build, but I'm not particularly muscular.
  2. What do you study? You mean besides the scriptures and Come, Follow Me? (Come on, relax, laugh a little). I studied Political Science at BYU and received a minor in Business. I'd like to go to law school, so I'm starting to think about studying for the LSAT. Also, I'm pretty fascinated by many subjects and so you'll find me reading a variety of books.
  3. Where do you come from? That is a great question. Apparently I come from the pre-mortal existence, but then again I'm an eternal being so maybe I don't come from anything? Oh, that's not what you meant? Okay, I come from my dad's sperm and my mom's egg. What's that? Too much information? Yeah, I guess so. I was born in Provo and grew up in Orem. 
  4. Why are you here? I'm going to assume why am I here writing for the Board. Well, I found the website fascinating, and I thought it would be really interesting to write answers to anonymous questions. I guess it's just to keep me busy and hopefully improve my writing. Did you know that I almost got fired for being a poor writer at the beginning of my writer-ship? Yeah, it was bad...
  5. Where are you going? Tomorrow I'm going to work at my job in Bountiful. In the next few years I hope to be going to law school. Eventually I'd like to go to heaven, but I plan on enjoying my time here on our fancy little planet for as long as I can. 

Anyways, I'm really grateful that you have been such a dedicated reader. Maybe you've already met one of us while you have been at BYU, but then again, maybe not. I hope you have a great life and that you'll continue to peruse the Board every now and then!

-Sunday Night Banter

A:

Dear Eligible,

I'm afraid to burst your bubble, but the previous writers have fed you nothing but lies. You will never see our faces because once we take upon "The Creed of the Board" we never show our face to another living thing. We wear paper bags to cover our faces, and we commit to a life as mercenaries of knowledge. It matters not where we come from or why we're here. All there is to know is that you give us questions, we give you answers.

MandoBoard.jpg

-The Boardalorian

A:

Provo,

I'm blonde, round cheeks, pointy nose, and vaguely freckly? I'm tall and lanky. I asked my best friend and she said "Like a mix between Gumby and Barbie." I am not green. I study environmental science, and I'm hoping to break into marine ecology. I'm from Maryland near the bay in the woods by a marshy river. I'm here (on earth) to enjoy one human life-cycle and I'm here (at BYU) to learn and qualify for money. Also because my family is here and it's a good deal. I'm going wherever my next job takes me. It could be anywhere, really. But it might be New Zealand, or back home to Maryland, or somewhere with seabirds. 

Babalugats

A:

Dear provo,

What do you look like?

I look like a mix between Ellen DeGeneres, Matt Lucas, Amy Schumer, and former President Jimmy Carter. That may sound like a guest list for the weirdest dinner party ever, but I think its a pretty accurate description.

What do you study?

I'm majoring in journalism and have a minor in theater. I'm also a student in the honors program and am currently trying to restrict myself from adding another minor in sociology, international cinema studies, or creative writing.

Where do you come from?

I come from a place where the dream of the '90s is still alive. The tattoo ink and coffee never run dry. And we have the best soccer teams. Portland, OR.

Why are you here?

Because as a 17-year-old child, I made a decision about where I would go to college after doing absolutely no research. Then I found a pretty dope website.

Where are you going?

I'm currently waiting to hear back from a couple of internships for this summer, one in Berlin. After that, I have 1-2 years left at BYU and then...big things. But right now, I'm going to bed. 

- Fozzie

A:

Dear readerr,

There's plenty of pictures of me in my lengthy travelogues answer, Board Question #90089, though you'll notice my face isn't shown well in many of them.
Would you like to meet a Board writer? Email me at ardilla.feroz@theboard.byu.edu and we can go investigate forgotten parts of campus, like the HFAC dirt room.

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz

A:

Dear Colin,

I have only ever met one board writer in person, so I couldn't really tell you if I represent the average writer. I can, however, answer your questions. You can find out a lot more about me in Board Question #92751

Who are you? A dumpster fire with big dreams. (Also: A junior at BYU who's doing her best.)

What do you look like? I'm a little taller than average. My hair is somewhere between blond and brown in color. It's obnoxiously curly, which is why I often have it up in braids. I'm very pale. I'm not sure I can describe my style very well, because it's not that distinctive. My clothes, you know, suggest the general idea of a person. Some days, you'll find me in a dress or in leggings and a sweatshirt. Both outfits should indicate to you that I didn't feel like wearing pants that day. I tend to wear full makeup most days, because spending that time on myself is a nice way to mentally prepare for the day. I'm neither thin nor large. I have green eyes. The most common appearance-based compliment I receive is that I have a nice smile. 

What do you study? Right now, I'm studying pressure sensors, instrumentational amplifiers, how springs work, and how to make printed circuit boards. More generally, I study mechanical engineering and computer science.

Where do you come from? San Antonio! More recently: The Engineering Building.

Why are you here? That depends on where "here" is. I'm on the Board because I've been reading it for years and I think it's the coolest little niche cultural thing at BYU. I'm at BYU because it's a great value, and I've loved it here. I'm in the United States because I was born here, and I've not yet encountered a pressing reason (or the money necessary) to leave. I'm on this Earth because... well, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? 

Where are you going? I'm going to school on Tuesday and to Seattle in the summer. That's all I've got for ya. I don't know, I just work here.

I can always use more friends. If you want to meet me, you can email me, in which case I would see that someone has emailed me and I would finally have the motivation to figure out the password to my account. Or, you can just head on over to the Engineering Building. I'll be in the glass-walled computer lab on the main floor.

Best,

Josefina

A:

Dear mode,

I am Cerulean, a semi-average Board writer who has been kinda MIA recently (sorry, friends). I love the color blue, chocolate, podcasts, crossword puzzles, museums, and sacrocubism. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and glasses, which means you would never guess that I grew up in Hawaii. I am studying geography with an editing minor, and this summer I have a pretty exciting internship in southern California, so I guess that's where I'm going. As for why I'm here, I'm here because, like you it seems, I love the Board!

Sincerely,

Cerulean

A:

Dear eligible,

I am an unapologetic reader, writer, and chronic video gamer. As my bio says, I'm also an aspiring techie, and my happy place is my computer desk, where I can serenely bathe in the comforting glow of several monitors and the rhythmic breathing of the RGB lights on my keyboard. I'm a junior, majoring in cybersecurity, because getting paid to stare at a screen is even better than staring at one for fun, and because I've always wanted to make a living while glued to a computer desk rather than dealing with the Outside World and unpleasant inconveniences like weather, dating, and graduation. 

What do you look like?

Not much like my namesake, I'll tell you that much.

I think I have the techie look down pat. Mostly because of the glasses. The dumb novelty t-shirts and the big, over-the-ear headphones which are due to be surgically attached to my head probably help. Unfortunately, my stunning good looks are marred by a severe and probably terminal case of resting angry face, which compounded with my pathological introversion, acute social anxiety, and thoroughly dry and acerbic sense of humor leads people to largely steer clear. This is unfortunate, as I lack sufficient confidence to communicate that I, like most small animals, am more afraid of you than you are of me.

Where do you come from?

I am probably the whitest person to come from Hawaii. Cerulean and guppy of doom are childhood friends of mine. I do not surf, but the beach is nice to visit on occasion.

Why are you here?

I talked about this a bit in Board Question #92574. I've always felt something of an affinity for BYU. Also, this is where the heart of the Latter-day Saint intellectual community is, and I wanted the opportunity to be close to it. Being able to contribute to it at some future point would be pretty neat.

Where are you going?

I'm still trying to figure this one out, friend. Hopefully sooner rather than later I'll find someone to tag along on that journey with me while I figure it out.

Genuinely,

9S

A:

Dear Provo's Mode,

As my nym would suggest, I am tall (5'11"). I have straight, fairly dark brown hair that is now about 6 inches shorter than it was when you asked this question (it just barely reaches my shoulders now). You can usually easily identify me by my high waisted jeans, giant under-eye circles, and unique earrings (I've got something like almost 100 pairs now). And apparently I really like parenthesis. 

In college I studied Teaching Social Science, and I'm currently teaching 8th grade US history and 9th grade geography. So now my studies mostly consist of me looking up details about a certain topic I'll be teaching soon to make sure I can teach it well. Right now that means I'm studying Apartheid (for geography), as well as every detail about impeachment that I can get my hands on (for US history).

I come from downtown Salt Lake, and I'm real snooty about being from actual Salt Lake instead of a suburb, because it's a vastly different world from the rest of Utah.

I'm here because once upon a time as a high school student I found out about this website from my sister and fell in love with it ever since.

And where am I going? Hopefully home, at some point today, because I don't know if I have it in me to do another 12-hour work day this week (as evidenced by the fact that I'm currently writing this answer instead of lesson planning). 

Oh, and I was an American Heritage TA for a long time at BYU, so if you took American Heritage at any point between fall 2015 and winter 2018, chances are high that you met me if you ever came to the review room (or maybe I was even your TA!). I just did the math and I think over the course of that time I personally TA'ed about 500 students, and that doesn't include students who had other TA's but who met me in the review room. If one of those people was you, maybe you really have met a Board writer!

-Alta