By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. -George Carlin
Question #92893 posted on 01/30/2020 9:42 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Kind of a tricky situation. I just bought a new house with a concrete driveway. My friend came over for a visit and parked in my driveway. No big deal, right? Wrong. His car leaked oil and now my driveway is stained. I know there are ways to reduce the stain, but I'm wondering how I go about telling him next time not to park in the driveway without sounding rude. There isn't a lot of street parking available, otherwise I'm sure he would have parked on the street rather than on my driveway, so how do I go about this if it happens again? Thanks in advance.

-Cleph

A:

Dear Cleph,

When you know he's coming over next, park your cars in the driveway so he can't. Don't mention it and he won't question it. 

-Goldie Rose

A:

Dear you,

Here are some ideas:

  1. Tell him that his car leaked oil last time and that he should get it checked out because oil leaks can be bad for cars. You may think it will be rude to tell him that you didn't like his car leaking oil on your driveway, but you may just end up making his car last longer, which sounds like a pretty nice thing to do.
  2. Don't tell him anything. After he comes to visit you, just sneak outside and put a piece of cardboard under his car so the oil drips on the cardboard and not the driveway.
  3. Create a twitter account for your driveway and tweet at him something clever like, "Hey, my owner doesn't know how to tell you this, but your car leaked on me without my consent. That's not cool, bro." Or something more clever, because I just realized that's not very clever.
  4. Buy some yellow "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape and tape off your driveway before he comes over. Use chalk to draw around the oil to make it look like a real crime scene. When he asks you what is going on you can tell him that you found an oil stain on your new driveway and called the cops to investigate it. Tell him you're looking to press charges and then give him a bro hug and say something like "Just kidding, but seriously don't leak on my driveway again."
  5. Lie and tell him that you parked your car on the driveway and it leaked oil and then you fixed your car. Tell him that you'd like him to park on the street so you can see if his car leaks too before letting him park on the driveway. (He'll never see through that one).
  6. Create a twitter account for his car and tweet at him telling him how much you like driving him around but you're disappointed that he hasn't noticed your leak. Ask him to get the leak fixed so he can park you in his friends' driveways.

Let your imagination run wild. The funnier it is, the less likely he'll think it is rude.

I hope that helps!

-Sunday Night Banter