Isn't it about time you retired?
Yes it is!
Thanks for the memories, everybody. Thanks for the science hypotheticals, opportunities to tell jokes, and the friendships. I wish I started writing earlier during my time at BYU. The Board is the best secret club and if any of you readers have been thinking about becoming a writer, I hope you apply today.
I've changed a lot during my time on the Board and I am sorry for my previous crappy advice, homophobia, transphobia, and benevolent sexism. Those things aren't cool. If I've said anything that hurt you, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will continue to check it occasionally and would love to personally apologize to you.
Keep in touch, friends.