Dear 100 Hour Board,
How are you, really? I'll listen.
Dear Corsica S.,
Wait, someone wants to listen to my adjustment to motherhood besides my Mom?! -spews out everything-
Honestly, when I first saw this question (3/25) I was wildly overwhelmed.
It all started when Carl Jr. was about 7 weeks old and I began to have really bad back pain. Mainly because we had just found out Carl Jr. has a cows milk protein allergy, which made him SUPER difficult to burp (along with his acid reflux). I'm talking burping him 30 minutes and he wouldn't burp for us once. Since he'd be on my shoulder for that long and I carry all my stress there, I got really uptight and knotted. It took 2 weeks for the dairy to get out of my system and 2 weeks to get the dairy out of his system. Then it takes up to 4 weeks for his gut to heal. It wasn't all sunshine and roses where I could burp him in 20 seconds and continue to feed him the first day I went dairy-free. It is quite the process to heal a dairy allergy! Therefore, his weight began to take a toll on me as my back wasn't getting strong as fast as he was gaining weight. (On average a baby gains an ounce a day.)
Since my back pain was getting worse and worse, Carl had to start doing the majority of the burping since the pain was too bad. (Carl got 8 weeks of paternity leave. I felt very blessed to have him for almost 2 months with this transition.) I had gotten multiple priesthood blessings as I was getting desperate. Then Carl was working from home, but since he was aiding me so much it became a bad distraction. I felt so bad distracting him from work, but I didn't know what else to do.
Finally, I went to see a chiropractor on Monday, 3/16. I'm not going into details, but I felt manhandled. All three of us went and we're not going back to him. We actually found a Webster/ICPA certified chiropractor to fix what the first chiropractor did to Carl Jr. two days later. (If there are any parents out there that have an acid reflux or colicky babies, I highly recommend them getting chiropractic adjustments! You will see SUCH a difference!) He is an AMAZING chiropractor who actually specializes in pediatrics, unlike the first one. So if anyone lives in Davis County and needs a chiropractor, let me know and I'll hook you up.
Unfortunately, I should have gotten adjusted the same time Carl Jr. did that Wednesday, as I needed to go more than once a week. I didn't know at the time, but on Sunday, 3/22, I had pulled a back muscle while improperly lifting Carl Jr.'s car seat. I felt a shooting pain go across my mid-back. Due to this injury, it hurt to lift Carl Jr. from his crib. I felt PATHETIC and weak.
The next day, Carl Jr. and I had gotten 'dairyed' at Wendy's through cross-contamination. I had been 100% dairy-free for over a month. We had been making a lot of good process with his acid reflux, projectile vomiting, coughing, sleeping, burping, etc. But instantaneously he regressed big time. He was uncomfortable all the time, irritable, coughing, gagging, vomiting, constipated, grunting and struggling to sleep (which made us not able to sleep), struggling to eat, and hard to burp. Since he was so tired he didn't eat much and would fall asleep. But he would wake up again when his hunger outweighed his sleepiness. It was such a catch 22.
The struggle is real. (source)
Honestly (hair and all) that's pretty much what I looked like last week (and a little this week).
Before getting dairyed, I was also very hopeful with Carl Jr.'s progress. The reason he had been seeing a chiropractor was for his acid reflux. I always looked forward to him getting an adjustment as he would always sleep SO well that night. One time he went SEVEN hours in between feeds. It was BEAUTIMOUS. But, when he got dairyed he would only go 3-3.5 hours in between feeds (and it would take us over an hour to feed him since he was cranky and irritable). This meant we were getting 1.5-2 hour chunks of sleep.
Sooo, I was getting used to longer sleep chunks (he was on schedule to wake up at 3 a.m. and 7 a.m.,) and then that went down the drain. Even when he went to his Thursday appointment (3/27) and his was his best adjustment yet, he still slept awful.
Onto the more positive part!
But, now it's been 8 days since I've been dairyed and he's gotten the dairy out of his system. HALLELUJAH. It set us back a week until his gut will fully heal after being another 5 weeks dairy-free. Last night, (3/30) he went SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS between feeds. Additionally, that's because I woke up to his random grunting and I couldn't fall back asleep (more on that later), so I woke him up. He's been a lot happier in the last two days! I'm so grateful to be his Mom, and I know that how he was acting the last week wasn't his fault. He didn't understand why he felt so icky, and he was used to feeling a lot better. Carl Jr.'s overall spirit and demeanor is a special one. He's such a good baby and I feel very blessed.
Last Friday was a really rough day where I was trying my hardest to be independent and take care of Carl Jr. without Carl’s help. It did not go well and many tears were shed. (I promise it gets better.) So Carl suggested that I go get a massage to help relieve all of the stress I've built up. I was conflicted as I had read really good reviews about one massage therapist, but I really wanted to sleep in on Saturday (and her latest appointment was 9 a.m.) My desire to sleep longer won over the good massage therapist.
IT WAS THE BEST MOST PAINFUL MASSAGE I'VE EVER HAD.
It was a neck, back, shoulder massage which was everything that she needed focus on. I know for a fact that God knew I was supposed to go to this particular massage therapist, as she was the only female who did this type of massage. She mainly did massage therapy, which released SO many toxins from my body. She was also really sweet as she was giving me advice on what I should do to get better at home, theorizing why certain areas were hurting that she couldn't fix, and went over the hour limit to teach me some stretches. She told me to tell my chiropractor that she thought that one of my ribs was out of place, and she was right! I felt so much better and my hopelessness changed into optimism. I wasn't completely all better, but I knew that my next adjustment was going to help a lot. The crazy part was if I had waited one more non-Sabbath day, I wouldn't have been able to go to her. Salt Lake City had just closed all non-essential businesses on Sunday, the day after I went to get a massage. God was looking out for me!
I got my third adjustment yesterday, and once again I'm feeling a lot better. But unfortunately, I'm really sore! I had my rib put back in place, had my shoulder blades, mid-back, lower back, and my neck adjusted. Apparently, I have a really flexible neck. I had no idea that this was abnormal, but I can look over my shoulder really well! That'll come in handy when Carl Jr. gets older, eh? This was the reason why I couldn't fall back asleep last night, I couldn't get comfortable. But, my soreness has been dissipating today so that's been good. I'm now being more independent when it comes to taking care of Carl Jr. so Carl can focus on his work. So right now we're on the up and up. Being a Mom is so hard, but it's so worth it when Carl Jr. smiles at me and giggles when I play with him. I know I'm biased, but I'm pretty sure he's the cutest baby ever.
(He likes to hold onto his burp rags after we burp him. I promise we're not smothering him.)
Thanks for reaching out.
You sent this question in about a month ago, and I'm only responding to it now, so bad enough to lose passion for something super awesome?
I also found this article that I never had time to read until now. I guess it's an alright way to describe everything that has been going on with me?
Starting with the day that it was announced that classes were going online (I'm pretty sure it was March 12), I had a week and a half in Provo that went kind of flimsily, then I moved back home to California because my job went online and I wanted a good place to work. The first week home was pretty terrible. I already was a little behind in assignments, but the stress from school and being back home and having distractions derailed me. For the next three-ish weeks, I was finishing up school, and that was also pretty hard. A lot of the good support I was getting from school like conversations outside of class and having travel time to unwind just wasn't there, and I struggled through, managing to get C's (later changed to P's, thankfully) in the classes that I needed to pass, and even scraped by with one A-, which was a nice surprise.
After classes, I thought that things would go pretty much back to normal, nether good nor bad, and work would be a nice bonus. It's more been like daily tasks are a little rough, and I'm still (after a week in Utah with my family, then a week being back) figuring things out and a little more hopeful. And all the little nice things are that much more nice.
Keep doing great,
It depends on the day. At the beginning of this ordeal, I was doing absolutely terribly. I, too, was getting stress-induced nose-bleeds and lost about 5 pounds in a week and a half. I forgot to do some assignments, which NEVER happens to me. I've been doing a bit better now that I sort of have a schedule worked out and one of my professors told us we could keep the grade we had and not do any work for the rest of the semester.
I still haven't been sleeping great at all, but I have decided it's okay for me to sleep in late because that's what's keeping me sane. I'm still anxious a lot but once finals are over I think it will be okay.
I also feel like I am busy working on things all day long, but when I get to the end of the day it's like I've got nothing done and there's still so much to do the next day. It's overwhelming to feel like I'm wasting so much time, and I've had to cope with guilt and anxiety about it while reminding myself that to expect myself to be extra productive right now would be insane.
I was a lot more stressed from having to reorganize my entire wedding on a whim. You think you have everything worked out, but never in a million years would I have thought I needed a contingency plan for a global pandemic that caused the entire world to just... shut down... So THAT has certainly been a fiasco. Luckily as of the day I'm finishing this we have things mostly worked out and found an apartment so I'm feeling a bit better.
If you had asked me two weeks ago, I would have honestly have answered that I was doing terribly. Complete rubbish. Now, I can say that I'm coping. Still don't have an appetite, still feel anxious pretty much all the time, still feel nauseous often (because I'm not eating enough and because I'm anxious), and still get less done than I'd like... but I have managed to sort out adult problems with getting married and I *should* still be able to keep my 4.0 this semester without having to take the Pass option on any classes.
I did decide to cut my hair off so obviously the social distancing is getting to me, and I would really like it to end very soon, because I'm stressed about not being able to work enough hours during the summer and being in a financial pinch, and that royally sucks.
Just some of my fun physical anxiety symptoms from the past few weeks include,
- bloody noses
- eye twitch
- nausea after eating (coupled with a lack of will to eat, this has resulted in me visibly losing weight in a matter of weeks)
- weirdly beating heart
- strained breathing
I totally believe in what Inklings posted about this virus being like going through the stages of grief. When you asked this question, I'm not quite sure which stage I fit into, but currently I align quite well with anger (probably with a dash of depression thrown in to account for the periods of listless, soul-sucking will-less-ness). It's probably a good thing that I'm completely isolated from all other humans at the moment, since for the past couple of days, it seems like everything ticks me off. And I'm not normally an angry person. So it's very abnormal for me to be consistently growling at things, cursing (cursing here being 'heck', or 'freaking heck' when I'm particularly irate), and generally wanting to punch something.
There are some negatives:
- All of my roommates have left since school shut down. And since I'm trying to be careful about social distancing, the number of people I'm talking to in person on a daily basis is few to none. Good for society, I guess, but not great for my health or productivity.
- Not having to show up for specific people/meetings/classes at specific times is making it difficult to take school seriously. I'm not so great at using my time wisely when it seems like there's an infinite amount of it.
- I'm also overeating more, getting outside less, and exercising less, which isn't doing wonders for my mental or physical health.
- I have no idea whether or not I'll be able to participate in my internship this summer. If it ends up falling through, I'll lose a lot of money, a great resume builder, and an opportunity to learn that I was really excited about.
There are also some positives:
- Things are starting to stabilize; I am slowly becoming more productive as I learn new tricks for managing my time and health while I'm stuck at home.
- At the suggestion of my friend, I have signed up for a virtual counseling appointment through CAPS, and I'm hopeful that that will help me work out a few things that are bothering me and give me some new coping mechanisms. I'm also hoping that a secondary effect of this appointment might be improved relationships with my friends; I am very often tempted to use my poor friends as therapists, and so counseling should help me shift that expectation away from them and onto an actual paid and qualified therapist. Looking forward to that.
- Between online school and the new pass/fail grading system for this semester, I'm getting a great opportunity to reprioritize. Although I still want to do well in school, it feels amazing to have the flexibility to focus on my health and happiness first. Yesterday I was able to spend some time dancing, and then spend the rest of the day working on a sort-of passion project for one of my elective classes. I probably shouldn't have spent that much time on it, but it was nice to have that option to work and learn in ways that are genuinely exciting and enjoyable for me.
- I still have a lot of friends who are still in Utah, and though I'm not seeing most of them too much these days, it helps to know that they're here.
- I am not sick.
- It's warming up, which means I am in a beautiful state with basically no restrictions on when I go explore. I've already been out hiking a couple of times in the past few weeks, and I think I'm going to do that more often.
- March really came for me this year. Weirdly, although the second half was definitely stressful and troubling in its own right, it provided some relief from the problems that came in the first half of the month. That's something worth celebrating.
Thanks for asking.
I'm okay. Each day has its ups and downs. The weekends are rough because my job is generally way slower then so it gets really tedious trying to scrounge up work for 8 hours, or trying to work slower than usual.
My family was supposed to go on a cruise in April that was cancelled yesterday, so I'm super sad about that. It's the second year in a row that it's been cancelled and I was really looking forward to it. Thankfully working from home is somewhat relaxing, so I'm not craving a vacation quite as desperately.
I'm currently about halfway through the penultimate course of my Master's degree, and the end is finally in sight (60 days, but who's counting?). I've basically given up on caring about my grades though, so my only goal is to pass.
I recently started dating someone and that's going well, but everything is made complicated by the virus. And also my roommates don't like him and act really uncomfortable around him, so that's fun. I'm still trying to figure out all my feelings because I'm happy when I'm with him but feel overwhelmed pretty much the rest of the time, so it's hard to define my feelings.
I'm super ready to be able to leave my apartment again.
I'm actually doing really well. My sister flew out to minnow and me last month and together we flew back home to our parents. minnow and I were only expecting to stay 2 weeks, but covid-19 got crazy, flights were cancelled, so we're planning on staying here until the end of the month. It's been so incredibly wonderful to be with my family. The main downfall is I'm not nearly as productive as I used to be, but then I remember if we were back in LA I'd be trying to work and live in a studio apartment with one other person, and this is far superior than that could ever be.
My family has been extremely fortunate - we all still have our jobs, everyone has been healthy, my grandparents are taking this seriously and are quarantining themselves, and while my brother and his wife are expecting their first kid, his wife's sister and mother have had at-home births and they're planning on using their expertise to avoid the hospital during this time. On top of that my parents, sister, and fiance/husband are all enjoying being home together, playing games, watching movies, swimming at the beach (while social distancing, of course!). Our wedding may or may not happen at this point, which is a bit frustrating, and my trip to Patagonia got cancelled, which really sucked, but overall I feel really lucky and blessed.
-guppy of doom
In Board Question #92816, I complained about my American Heritage experience. Little did I know that the following semester would make me wish I was taking it again in place of a somehow even worse class. Indulge me for one moment as I wallow in self-pity and impotent rage.
Even in the best of circumstances, this class was frustrating and difficult from the beginning, for all the wrong reasons. Expectations weren't clearly communicated, project guidelines and instructions were at best ambiguous and at worst actually useless, and the subject matter was--and is--technical, unfamiliar, and difficult. The first term was so frustrating that course reviews led the professor to spend an entire lecture realigning course policies to be less of a burden on the students. The instructions improved a little, the late policy became more lenient, and things started to improve.
Enter COVID-19. If implementing, testing, and debugging unfamiliar coding projects is difficult in a lab with in-person TA assistance and clarification, it's an absolute nightmare to work out over Slack and Zoom meetings with almost no opportunity to have hands-on help. To make matters worse, I ran into a technical problem during one of the earliest labs of the second term that had nothing at all to do with my own code and was instead a problem caused by the Microsoft-operated software we were supposed to be using. None of the TAs knew how to resolve the issue, and neither did the person who wrote the lab in the first place (have I mentioned all of these labs are being written during the semester and the TAs don't actually have any more familiarity with them than the students do?) Since there wasn't a single person who knew what the problem was or how to fix it, I was told to submit a support ticket to Microsoft directly, which I did. It took them about a week to get enough information to tell me that there was, essentially, no solution to the problem. At this point, I am now about two and a half weeks behind the rest of the course with maybe three other students (not everyone had this issue, for reasons only heaven knows). Another few days pass and the TAs finally give us helpless students a workaround to complete the lab so we can move on to the next labs.
That's where I am now, still three weeks behind in the course. One lab is behind me, but I have three more to submit before the 16th, with no previous experience or familiarity to draw on and TAs who take upwards of a day or more to troubleshoot even basic questions online. For perspective, the usual allotted time for a single lab is 7 days. I've been so completely absorbed in scrambling to catch up that I've scarcely even looked at my other classes, and I'm about a week behind the curve in each one. At this point, the most likely scenario is that I'll fail this course and probably lose my scholarship. All I can think about is how unfair it is that I ended up this far behind and how completely miserable this experience has been. I feel like I'm drowning and have been for nearly a month; the stress has bled into my work and everywhere else, and I've been irritable, sleepless, and exhausted. The last thing I want is a heavier financial burden, but at this point it would probably be better for my mental health to simply abandon this disaster of a class, make up what I can in my other classes, and accept that I'm probably losing my financial aid because of a Microsoft problem and a hilariously bad class structure.
I am, to put it mildly, upset.
Bored. Good. Good, but bored.
-Sunday Night Banter