"I would do it, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much." - Spike
Question #93147 posted on 06/19/2020 8:50 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board Alum,

Any questions you answered while a writer that you'd like to change your tune on now?

-Ace, who has a few.

A:

Dear me,

I've thought about how I handled Board Question #76022 basically ever since I wrote it. I hate how I handled it, and would like to retract my attempt at understanding. And to all my LGBTQ+ fam, I am sorry.

The question basically asked if it was okay to not want your kids to be gay because you don't want them to experience those specific struggles. I said maybe it's okay if those struggles were the true reason for not wanting gay kids. 

My new answer: Absolutely, irrevocably NOPE. Your desire for them not to have those particular struggles is an outward manifestation of internalized homophobia. No matter how you justify it to yourself, your rationale is not about your hypothetical child's struggles. It's about your desire to not be forced to reconcile your faith and that faith's distain for queer people. Instead of hoping your kid won't be gay (or trans or bi or non-binary), it is your responsibility to make their world a place where it is safe and okay to be exactly who they are. There is no grey area here.

Now that we've gotten that taken care of, I'd also like to discuss my idiocy apparent in Board Question #74823

While my dream man is still 7 feet tall because my dream man is Pau Gasol, and Pau Gasol is 7 feet tall—my goodness height does not matter. I'm 5'10 and dated a guy for a couple years who (absolutely thought he was 5'10 before dating me, but) was 5'9 on a good day. Guess what, it didn't matter at all and I still wore heels and nobody cared in the slightest. 22-year-old Ace was an idiot.

I've gone through a few pages of my answers but not all, so I'm sure there are other ways I messed up too.

-28-year-old Ace, who is still probably an idiot but in different ways

P.S. While going through my answers I stumbled across Board Question #71314, in which i feel opposite to above and would like to double down on and (respectfully, kindly) scream from the rooftops that I was right and ha ha ha @gimgimno and No Dice :) 

A:

Dear friend,

I regret calling Labyrinth a bad movie that I love in #91369. Labyrinth is art.

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Art.

-Van Goff

A:

Dear Ace,

So many, I'm sure. I think just by the fact that I’m not 19 or however old I was when I stopped writing, I’d answer a lot of things differently. But a specific one I can think of is Board Question #83613. I was still on my first ever Education Week high and thought I knew how to fix the situation. I know now that some people are actually just narcissists that need to have strong boundaries in place for your own sanity. I'm not saying the mom mentioned in the question is a narcissist, or that I should have said "Yeah, kick your mom out of your life," but I wish I would have put less of the responsibility on the question asker to fix things, and linked resources from actually qualified sources instead of summarizing one class from Ed Week. 

-Auto Surf

A:

Dear Doctor,

This question has exhausted me. I wrote so. many. answers. I knew that there were ones that I wanted to go back to, but it's been really hard to go through everything. General thoughts first:

How I Met Your Mother isn't that good of a show, past Tally. Stop recommending it, stop watching it. Once was enough. Try something like watching Parks and Rec again.

I'm a bit satisfied that through at least the last year of my writing, I was religious without being preachy. At least, I didn't feel like I was preachy, and I've been a lot more sensitive to that kind of thing over the last four years. I have changed my views on some things, though, some of which I'll mention below.

Board Question #85282: I just really no longer want J.K. Rowling at my dinner party. 

Board Question #82978: You know what, I think gay marriage is okay. At the time I wrote the answer, I hadn't really concerned myself with understanding how I felt in regards to LGBT+ issues; I just parroted what I was taught. Now, I've changed how I feel a lot, and it's because I've been willing to listen to people that have had experiences that I haven't had. 

Board Question #80454: In the same vein as the question above, there's nothing wrong with same-sex relationships being shown on TV, even in shows for kids. One show I enjoy watching with Lil' M. is The Bravest Knight; it's about a girl named Nia who has two dads. The focus isn't on the fact that she has two dads (it's one of her dads telling stories about how he became a knight), which helps normalize the idea of same-sex relationships. I think it's okay that those relationships are normalized. Being gay isn't a choice, and we shouldn't deny people the opportunity to be with someone they love.

Board Question #79834: I'm still struggling so hard with the concept of presiding when couples are supposed to be equal. Spectre and I were working on a DIY project this summer, and we ran into some decisions where we ultimately just had to go with one of our options since there wasn't a way to compromise. We decided to just pick one of us to make the final decisions (after listening to the other person). It's like that in marriage--ultimately, someone has to make the final decision, and the church has essentially taught that men should be the final decision maker. 

But, the question is ultimately, "Am I really God's daughter? Can I really have a direct relationship with Him?" and the answer to both is a resounding yes.

Board Question #76752: Prior to April's General Conference, I genuinely thought that it would be announced that women would be ordained. And then it wasn't, and I was disappointed. I don't have a great articulation as to how I've started to change my mind on this issue, but I think I'd write it differently now.

Board Question #78943: Memorization is actually really important in becoming good at things. When you memorize things, you have more resources to make connections to create new things.

Board Question #77414: I'd get a tattoo of a semicolon on my wrist. Maybe even a combo of a phoenix and a semicolon.

-Tally M.

A:

Dear Ace,

I had to go through like ten pages of my answers to find one I disagree with now (congratulations, early-twenties Eirene, you were all right). In BQ#70442, someone who had gotten into a DO medical school wrote in wondering if they should matriculate now, or try to improve their application so they could get into an MD medical school in a couple years. I gave a bunch of advice on improving their application, and situations where it might be worth holding out for an MD. Definitely what I should have said was, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. There's no advantage that an MD gets you that's worth waiting potentially years to get. You can and will have a great career regardless of whether you're a DO or an MD." I hope that person just went to medical school instead of waiting and hoping!

- Eirene