Whenever he thought about it, he felt terrible. And so, at last, he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it. ~John-Roger and Peter McWilliams
Question #93391 posted on 10/31/2020 2:20 p.m.

Dear sages of the 100 Hour Board,

What do you do when you develop a crush on someone you've met online and gotten close to, but they live thousands of miles away? Is it even worth broaching the subject?

- 9S


Dear that's rough buddy,

Every situation is different, but coming from a situation where I was interested in someone (who lived close, but with whom I primarily interact digitally) and where I basically didn't ever mention my romantic interest, the possibility of a deeper friendship eventually became impossible when she started dating someone else, so now, realizing I wanted more, I'm just trying to let go, and best of all--I still don't even know if she was even ever interested in me.

This is sub-optimal.

I think I was afraid of ruining the friendship, but my lack of emotional transparency with her--and myself--has just led to unnecessary hurt that could have been lessened or obviated by just being less passive, more open, and more willing to be rejected.

I won't try to project onto your situation, but I note most friendships are dynamic--you're either drawing closer to someone, or you're drifting apart. By not mentioning you care more, which are you doing? 


--Ardilla Feroz


Dear 9S,

If you broach the subject and it works then it would totally be worth it right?

If you broach the subject and it doesn't work that would be sad; just like it would be if a crush who lived one mile away did not reciprocate your interest.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that the way I see it, thousands of miles doesn't make too much of a difference. It might make things harder, but if would be worth going for if that person was close, it's worth going for even if they are far away.

Hope this helps,



Dear 9S,

Okay actually I have no idea. I have zero credentials.

But if I was in your situation, I think I would feel like I owed it to myself to say something, so I say go for it.



posted on 10/31/2020 10:08 p.m.
That is how my husband and I started dating. In our case, we had met at BYU but didn't even consider dating until we lived over 1000 miles apart. As we chatted online, I sent some hints that I was interested (like saying, I'd go on a date with you if you weren't over 1,000 miles away). That spurred phone calls, which led to Skype calling, which eventually need to visiting, etc. It wasn't easy, but it was totally doable.

I think the thing that helped the most is that my husband is all for direct communication. It was a little awkward, but just putting it out there was the thing that really drove the relationship forward.

I guess I mostly just wanted to say, it's totally possible for it to work! If you're really interested, go for it!

-Indefinite Integral